question for the husbands: plz answer honestly....?

Question

was it a turn off for you after your wife had her first baby....i mean because of the exess fat, belly bulge and all the stretch marks. i just had a baby 3 months ago and i feel totally gross. i dont like for my husband to see my naked body. he still makes love to me but i only do it at night with the lights off because i'm so embarrased of my body. i know he loves me but i feel that maybe i gross him out sometimes.. what did you guys think about it?

Answer 1

You might not like this answer, but you did ask for an honest answer, so here goes...

First off, I admire your tenacity. You have the courage to ask for help with your problem and that is the first step toward a solution. So the first thing to do is feel good about yourself that you value your marriage and respect your husband enough to do the right thing.

Second, regardless of whatever advice you get on here or from any others you may have asked, you must TELL YOUR HUSBAND about your concerns. Anything short of that can only be halfway successful at best. If you care about him enough to be this concerned, then please don't hide your fears from him.

OK, here comes the part that you might not want to hear. Some of the phrases in your question suggest that your husband's opinion is only part of the problem. "I feel totally gross", and "I don't like", and "I'm so embarrassed". If you don't like the way you look, then it doesn't really matter what he thinks because you won't be happy anyway.

Real men don't really care about looks, and quality relationships will be almost completely unaffected by such changes, but if you start to feel bad about yourself and it begins to affect how, when, and where you have sex, then you will inadvertantly CREATE a problem where none exists. Being sexy is only partly about physical appearance, but it's much more about attitude and action.

Some other responders have suggested you do something about your weight. I suppose that's good advice, for your health if nothing else. Maybe you've tried and you can't lose the weight, or maybe you don't have the time/energy to do it.

There are LOTS of things that I want to do and haven't for one reason or another. I try very hard not to "punish myself" for things that I just can't do, or things that I've chosen not to do because of other priorities. I advise you to do the same. Either fix the problem, or dismiss it, but don't torture yourself over it. All moms have some permament "battle scars" from pregnancy and childbirth.

Finally, and most importantly, please consider talking to a counsellor. Be a good mom and a great wife by being good to yourself first.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

Honestly since most couple's do it with the lights off what is the problem. If your husband is not saying anything and he is fine wioth who you are then why be so paranoid. Smart sensitive men know that there wife's body will have changes with child birth and well pregnancy. It sounds to me lioke you haave some personal issues with your physique if so get tom the gym talk to a trainer and lose the excess belly bulge.

Really though it sounds to me like your hubby loves you for who you are and not what you look like on the outside and that is what you want.

Be happy you have a caring happy husband and it is all phychological you have just lost excess weight and well noi you have some flabby skin if you can afford it some women consider tummy tucks to get rid of the excess skin but really
diet and exercise will work just as good.

Congrats on the baby and just stay happy.
May God Bless You and your Family.

Answer 3

Well over the rainbow girl, although it was many years ago that my wife had our children I will tell you that I believed that she was the most beautiful at that time in her life. Although I honestly believe that all women look the healthiest and happiest while pregnant, it is how they feel about themselves that usually shows and intensifies this beauty. Afterward I was very impressed with the size of her breasts and even a bit jealous I remember that my sons were the benefits of her breast feeding. Sure she also gained a few pounds (so did i) after she gave birth. She had stretch marks that were really obvious but these were viewed as marks of beauty and a miracle. Why don't you speak with your husband and let him now how you've been feeling and thinking since giving birth. Hopefully he can help you rest assured also that he accepts you for the beauty and grace that you have become since bringing his child into the world. DO NOT be ashamed or believe that he thinks any less of your body unless he actually says so (which would be very insensitive in my opinion). Be proud of who you have become since your body has changed and evolved into who you are today due to having a child. Congrats and best of luck.

Answer 4

After reading through your post, several issues come to mind. First though, I have been in the same position with work that he is currently in. I worked six days per week and was gone from home 14-16 hours per day. It wasn't easy for any one. Sometimes you have to take what you can get, when you can get it. - If you want him to assist with something let him know. We men don't always do what wives think we should. We aren't the best at acting on subtle suggestion, but we are trainable. I'd suggest talking it over with him about how you feel, and also let him know his limited time with the family isn't an excuse to limit interaction with his child. Direct communications between the involved parties has always been the most direct route. But, don't expect changes to evolve too quickly, and only ask for one thing at a time then build on that. Good Luck to you both.

Answer 5

Well… my wife and I have three kids, and I still look at here the same as I did when we first met. I think she still looks hot. I know she wasn’t happy with how she looked when the babies were born, but that’s because she feels she has to look a certain way. And yes she would do the “lights off” thing too.

I don’t think your husband sees the same thing you do. Most women I know are harder on themselves, then others are on them. I would say, if you’re not happy with how you look, work on it, but not for someone else… for you.

Answer 6

My wife had 4 children when I met her, we had 2 of our own, so she has given birth to 6 children. She is still very sexy to me and after 19 years of marriage we are still going strong.
Try not to be so self consious about it. You can work on loosing the extra weight, but the stretch marks are a part of you now, accept them as a badge of love and honor for your spouse and child.

Answer 7

You have just had your husbands child and you are concerned with stretch marks? Trust me when I say men don't care about those things. Any real man is not concerned that his wife just gave birth to his child for him and that she has stretch marks. If he is still making love to you and nothing seems to have changed, don't stress it. You are a mommy now! Love yourself for it.

Answer 8

I know they have better things now but my ex-wife back then used vitamin e-oil for her stretch marks and I put it on for her which led to lots more fun.Exercise and do what makes you feel better but give your husband a chance,if he loves you it won't matter.Good luck

Answer 9

You sound exactly like my wife. She, too, is very subconscience about her belly, but I still think she looks great. Heck I have a little pudge now too. We're a perfect match ;)

You need to remember you're not a kid anymore. You look like a woman.

Answer 10

i know this question was directed at husbands...but..... lol
i remeber my aunt telling me her hubby was turned off for a little while but not so much bc of the belly and weight etc...more so bc of seeing the baby come out of there.
have you tried to do anything to loose the weight? not for im but for you so you feel better about yourself!!
good luck