How do you know when and if it's time to let go of the marriage? And what is the best way to do so?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for just over a year. Recently I quit my job to pursue my passion and have now replaced my income doing so. He was okay with me quitting but then became ugly and mean about it. Very passive/aggressive. Honestly he's been like that on and off our entire relationship. It was one-sided from the get go- I did what he wanted, when he wanted, and once my hobby became my job, that changed and he was NOT okay with it. He has never wanted to be part of my life; until I told him I was leaving him because I can't live my life doing everything by myself. I didn't get married to do that. I told him I didn't feel like he cares about my desires. We have separate checking accounts; and pay bills separately. Now that I've threatened to leave he's decided he wants to be involved. He now wants a wife; not roomie. He waited until I didn't care anymore to change and I don't feel the same way about him. At 1 time I wanted him. Now I'd rather work

I do not remember why I fell in love with him or why I married him. I know he loves me and wants me to feel the same way I did six months ago, but I do not. He is my friend, yes. How do you even go about remember why you fell in love with someone?

Answer 1

Doesn't sound like you really cared much in the first place.

Answer 2

Well if your marriage is not important anymore then you answered your own question.
I would like to ask you a question, when you decided to get married what was the attraction for both of you to get married?
Is it too late to start all over again? bring back that passion that brought you together and start working things out. Marriage is never easy because you have to live and work with an other person constantly, there is always a clash of minds, but if you take your time and start working together the answer always shows up.

Answer 3

I am kind of in your situation, however i have a fiance not a husband. I met him online, everything was great, we have been together for a while and living together as well. What makes it hard for me, i have 2 children, tho not by him and he favors one over the other. He says he wants me to his wife and live forever with me, etc..but he is set in his own ways, meaning, he loves to come and go as he pleases, do what he wants when he wants to do it. Be with me when he wants to and i am constantly telling him how much it hurts to feel so alone. One tries and tries so hard to make things work, and you only end up feeling that its never going to change. I am tired of being unhappy, alone, numb in the inside, empty,..a lot has brought me to this point, him cheating via internet and meeting others, sneakiness, messiness, immaturity, selfishness, and so on, the list keeps on. No one deserves to be unhappy and miserable. Keep your chin up and take each day at a time. Do what makes you feel happy in ur heart, follow your passion, tend to you and the ones who mean the dearest, men come and go as we women know! It's not going to be easy, it's hell over here, but what keeps me going is knowing that my future is far worth more and a lot longer than the present! There is a brighter light at the end, or should i say the beginning?!!!...and one more thing, men see what they want to, maybe he's changed, maybe not, from what it sounds it seems like he is wishy washy with his feelings, you need someone who's going to be there for unconditionally 100%, not when he is in fear of being alone

Answer 4

You are the most important person in your life. It should be your goal to make you happy. If you have grown beyond your marriage that it is best you leave it. It is not a failure on your part or your husbands. If you truly feel that you need to move on for your own happiness than do so, don't drag things out. Be open and honest with your husband and compassionate towards his feelings. Just remember that if you are not happy than it is impossible for you to be in a relationship and make the other person happy. You have to come first in your life.

Answer 5

I would say from what you have said… he doesn’t know what he wants, and you know what you want to do. And from the last line in your story, you have already decided to leave, so I guess you are trying to figure out if that’s what you should do.

So I will give the same advice I would give my kids… you have to do what is best for you. At the end of the day it’s you looking back at you in the mirror, if you like what you see then you made the right choice.

Answer 6

It may have been the shock of losing you that brought him to a new perspective on your marriage. Marriage isn't supposed to be easy. The good ones unfold over many years. Try to continue to communicate with him. Let him know that you want to work it out if he does. Then just stick with it. Don't let discussions become fights. And pray about it. Hang in there. After shadows come light.

Answer 7

You know when the marriage is over when:
You feel you wouldn't be sad if he wrapped his car around a telephone pole on his way home
You can manage your bills/household/life decisions etc. better without him than with him
He displays professional jealousy
He apologizes but doesn't change (for the umpteenth time)
He says he'll be happy when you X - but then changes his mind when you actually produce X.
You would rather sleep separately than together
He closes every bar in town - and you don't care anymore.
He has a mistress/girlfriend - and you're better pals with her than with him.

In your case, darling, I'd say cut your losses and move on. he's a loser.

Answer 8

If you are not happy and don't think you could ever be even with work, then get out. Follow you passion so you don't wake up in 5-10 years regretting that you didn't keep up with it. Good luck.

Answer 9

I have been there and done that. But to tell you the truth, most men don't wake up until you take drastic measures. They do not take things as seriously as women until it's too late. If he loves you, you may want to give him another chance, especially if he hasn't been unfaithful. However, if you truly cannot take it anymore and the reasons you've given us are the real reasons you've changed feelings, it's his own fault.

Answer 10

Honey u r not alone in this, cuz i been thru that b4. I dont get the support from my husband.

Why is it only when u threaten to leave them they claim s they r gonna change????that's gross.

Jus follow ur heart honey. Do wht will make u happy!!

Answer 11

Very good explanation of a typical immature male, I guess if you don't care anymore you will leave, Otherwise you could pick up the pieces do counseling and try again