What do u think of my poem?

Question

Should I or should'nt I?
day after day life passes me by
I'm at a lost for words
I dont know what to do
she said things would get better
but they never did
now i'm failing out of school
I'm failing at life
I'm trying to stay cool
but i'm heading for the knife
I wish I could just start over
from when I was once smart
Want so bad for it to just be over
Just hit a vein
and end the pain
but everytime I go to cut
I just cant do it
Im outta luck
Its not that easy
when I wanna end my life
they all tell me not to do it
and i feel as if its a drug
and i'll die if I dont take a hit
he doesnt want me to be his wife
these tears keep flowing
and i keep falling
into a state that doesnt exist
and they all insist
that I'm just crazy
and i know that I'm not
but the things i face
are too hot for me to handle
i burn my hands
and all hope lands
in this shallow place
that even i want dare to face
tonight i take these pills
and hope that it kills
all they pain I've ever felt
leave me here
i'll be happier
than I ever was there
on earth no more crying
now my soul is dying
bye bye love
so sorry you want see me above

Answer 1

Your poem is soooo sad. Please contact me at [e-mail] if you need someone to talk to.

More specifically about your writing, it seems embedded with sadness coming from many places. Are you depressed about all of the aspects you mention (school, a guy, etc)...I know sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong all at once and you might be feeling that way. Anyways, good luck and let me know if you want to talk.

Answer 2

You seem to be under the impression that your life is beyond saving and that nothing will ever change for you. And while you may be right, it is much more possible that you are wrong because the one thing your poem and your attitude fails to realize is that the one constant in the universe is change. I'm going to do you a great favor. I'm going to give you the greatest gift one person can give to another. I'm going to give you Hope.

So since you decided to post a poem in the philosophy section, I'm going to reciprocate. This is one of MY poems.

In My Heart, I feel Joy.
In My Mind I see potential.
In My Actions I see virtue.
In My Soul I experience peace.
In My Life I have purpose.
In My Dreams I make a Difference.
In My Day, I am useful.
In all things, I am Level.
In touching others, I make contact.
In leading a chorus, I can influence.
In passing time, I am tranquil.
In breathing, I am fulfilled.
In changing, I am dynamic.
In visions, I aspire.
In the beginning I was ignorant.
In this time I have a goal.
In the future, I am...
In the past, remember.
In this day, live.
In tomorrow, believe.

In Reality... I am Me.

Gee - 6 March, 2001

Answer 3

I believe it gets it's message across; but not quite as strongly as it could. It had established a certain feel or rhythm, then the line ending in knife completely interrupted the flow of the poem. Also it randomly breaks into couplets, while the rest is free verse; which is not the most qualityway to express something. Other than that, it was a fine poem. The message is a bit sad, but so true for so many people. However, it should be warned that this viewpoint really is not one to be looked up to; after all, there really is hope in any situation.

Answer 4

I think its very passionate. Hang out with people who make you feel positive. If your guy is making you feel negative, then I would suggest talking to him about it, and not leave your feelings bottled up. That will make you depressed. Its going to be hard at first to share your feelings, believe me.. Been there, felt that. I started by letting it blurt out. You're a brite girl for coming up with lyrics like that. If you end your life, you will die in vein. Don't do that, you sound like a special person. Turn your life around. Think about all the good things about yourself, not the bad. Don't let those demons eat you up. Don't let them win. If I can come up with all that good stuff about you, without ever had met you. I can't imagine what a gifted person you are..

Answer 5

I think the poem is good. I feel that anytime you can place your feeling into words is always a positive. I know that pain is an emotion that is very fickle. I ask that you make sure you always have someone to turn to in your darkest hour and know that no person is worth your life. You are much better that you give yourself credit for. One day you will make someone very happy and forget the people who disrespect your love.

Answer 6

Very Good

Weaknesses:
The scripting could use a little work because it lacks cohesion. You need to allow the reader to delve into your person and feel your attitude, not just your emotion. Two, it lacked a turn which is essential for all poetry to work.

Clean it up and you will be ready for Def Poetry Slams

Answer 7

I clearly think you are depressed. Please see someone, do not take the easy way out and hurt yourself. I hope things turn out well for you. I am sure that every one tells you this and you feel it isn’t true - but take it from me - a fellow depression sufferer - get help, your life will turn around and you will be happy again.

Answer 8

You've got to believe that god needs you here at this time if the tabels were turned I was the one on the other side what would you tell me about my poem.That is your answere.

Answer 9

Very powerful and moving.
It reflects the lives of so many poeple who get out of bed every day and feel all that.

Answer 10

There is a poetry section right next to this one. This is the philo section.