Im 21 years old been married with my wife for some time, I dont know what to do anymore about her. She always wants to go out and spend money and if she doesnt get her way she will litterally cry and wine about it. We started are relationship smoothly on my behalf but hers wasnt, and the reason why is she was still communicating with her ex and while we were bf/gf I found out she would go to his house to wash clothes or even to just chill even when he wasnt there. Im having a bit of a problem trusting her, she's very stupid at times. She mostly cares about materialistic things, this next coming semester she is going to try to go back to school in which I dont mind cause education is always important, but on top of that she wants to work 2 jobs and also goto a fitness training center and I think to myself OK!, your married and you know I wanna have some time to spend together but you wanna go and do all this as if your not in a relationship for time.
2007-10-30 05:40:52 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know that I am young but Ive known her for nearly 4 years and its just mind boggling on how she to me gets carried away with herself and not even think about us, I have been lied to her before in the past overe things or how she use to be when she was 21, drinking, sleeping with differenet sexual partners 2-3 a week, disobeying her mother in which she was staying with out in Los Angeles, she is also in debt by $35k from getting college grants and not completeing the school for them. The sex is really starting to bore me a lot. She always so lazy just to do the simplest things, I know I can work things out with her but theres just only a matter of time before I just leave her, I have tried to leave before in the past but she stated to me that she would change on how she reacts and will stop being so selfish and acting like a spoiled brat. She always tells me I need you to make more money so we can pay bills. I do and I try but cant if she is always running up the credit cards.
2007-10-30 05:51:36 · update #1
OK LOL she isnt speaking with her ex anymore because I got in to a altercation with him and I told her its either me or him, but she also gets so jealous when im trying to conduct business cause I work for a realtor company and the woman is a female. I THANK ALL OF YOU IN PUTTING IN UR INPUT AND THOUGHTS AND WILL TAKE THEM IN, I also have a slight heart condition and that is what makes me want to just leave is ventricular-cardio-myopathy and it makes my heart double or tripple its size at times even when Im on my meds. I want her to be a good wife and listen to me as I do for her and trust her to allow her to go out with her close friends or what not. MY aspect of how I am or who im around is totally different from hers, she wants to go out with her friends that are disrespectful not just to me but others and also drink in which I have never seen her do. Her friends are so ghetto and curse a lot and just talk about people constantly and not only that they sleep around like whores.
2007-10-30 05:58:16 · update #2
You've been married for "some time" and you're only 21 - WOW - what state do you live in??? That confuses us here in New Jersey - you can get beat up for this situation!
2007-10-30 05:45:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
i guess when you got married, both of you or maybe her wasnt completely ready and committed to one another for life as to what marraige is suppose to be. dont try and rush things and suddenly leave her because youre married now and its different than when you were dating. you have to go to court, hire a lawyer etc. so i suggest you go to the nearest marraige counsellor in your town straight away! it's one of the easiest way to tell her about how you really feel without the result being in a huge row. tell her youl'l support her if she wants tor return to school but you have to make it clear that THAT is the only thing you are supporting her. not the 2 jobs or the fitness center. tell her very clearly why you are saying this: beacuse you want to spend more time with her!!! and for the materialistic things, cut off her credit cards or forbid her to go shopping or something!! once she sees youre adamant and persistant, maybe she will eventually get your point..
2007-10-30 05:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by anonymously-unknown 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you got married before you really knew her well enough to take vows. Divorce is not something to enter into lightly. Not only is there emotional ramifications but financial ones as well if you did not have a prenuptial agreement. I'm not sure how much you loved her to begin with if you distrusted her so much before you got married. You need to try and sit her down and have an adult conversation. You are an adult now. I won't say you are to young to have gotten married because I am 24 and have been married since I was barely 17 years old. My husband and I have had rocky spots in our marriage as well. All married couples do. The key to getting through those rough spots is to sit down and talk to each other. For a long time I refused to talk about our problems and it almost ended very badly for us. Don't let that happen to you too. If you still love her at all and if you really want to continue with your marriage, then you need to tell her that the time has come to choose a path. If she wants to go and do all of these things that don't include you or thoughts for the consequences to your marriage then it sounds like she needs to be on her own to do those things. If however she wants to save your marriage then she needs to let some of that go at the moment and concentrate on one at a time. It doesnt really sound to me like she needs to go back to school seeing as how she racked up so many debts and didnt follow through before. She needs to grow up a little bit and realize that life isn't a cake walk and that decisions have to be made at some point if she is to have any life worth leading. Conversation and communication is the key to any marriage. Try your best to get her to talk to you. If she refuses to see your issues and just wants her own way maybe it would be best to seperate and let both of you see if you are happier apart. Good luck and God bless both of you!
2007-10-30 06:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to sit her down and talk to her she is not being a good wife I am preety sure that you love her but her attitude is not a good one i suggest you tell her that she need to get her act together and she needs to stop spending money and she is disrespecting by still talking to her ex. This is not right put your foot down and when she wines then walk out of the roomt his is not far for you. Go out when she is not there I mean she is your wife but turn the tables on her and see how she feels I am pretty sure she is not going to like it if you do not trust her know you are not going to be able to trust her later.
2007-10-30 05:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If your wife was materialistic and talked to her ex boyfriend all of the time before you got married, and you didn't trust her, and if she's stupid sometimes, then why on earth did you marry her?
I don't get it.
School is important, and it takes up a lot of time. Maybe she is planning to do this and work two jobs for your future? what do i know? you need to ask her.
If she wants to go out and spend money you don't have all of the time, you need to discuss finances, and a budget, then follow that budget.
If she cries and whines now, i'm sure she did the same before you got married.
Sometimes we don't step back and take a good look at the person before we say "i do"...
it takes TWO in order to make a marriage work. maybe a therapist could help?
take care.
2007-10-30 05:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
You haven't enen been married very long. Thirty years is a long time. Do you not know that a marriage is not a marriage till after the teneth year. Man you have never loved this woman because love is to adore ones weaknesses as you hold on to her strengths.
Do not refer to her as a fool, because after the wedding bells sound it is the man's responsibility to hod on to that woman and not complain. Which of these have you done? I will tell you that you mind is fixed on idle passions as single men like me can be fixed on the lust of the flesh.
You need to see an intercessor or counselor as soon as possible about you. Because clearly you lack choice wisdom.
2007-10-30 05:56:48 · answer #6 · answered by GodCares 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you are out to please her more then having an even relationship. Your wife is too young and very immature and she does not really know what marriage is. She thinks that everything has to go her way, she is not sharing her life with you. She is getting what she can from you in anyway she can. If this carries on, I guarantee you that down the road you will see a divorce. It is time to let her know what you are expecting from this marriage also before it is too late.
2007-10-30 05:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by Chris B 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Wow at age 21 ur already married and havin serious prblms?? I think ur so-called wife needs to grow up.
Why on earth u allowed her to behave like a spoiled brat?
Give her an ultimatum of six mths and if her actions doesnt change, send her packing.
2007-10-30 06:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
She's selfish and needs to grow up.
She has time for her ex but not for you? What type of marriage is that.
Also, it would probably be impossible for someone as selfish as she sounds to actually go to school, work two jobs, and have time to workout. Sounds like a lot of talk. Maybe she's using that as an excuse so she can really sneak around with her ex.
That popped right into my mind and usually I don't think negatively. But, it just seems like she's up to no good.
Start Marriage Counseling!!
2007-10-30 05:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Your only 21! How long could you have been married? Sounds to me like your wife still thinks she's single and never adjusted to life as a married couple. Cut her a little slack and let her find her path. If you try to control her, you'll onyl push her away. Given her busy life, sounds like it won't be long before she'll burnout. When that happens, be there for her...and your marriage will be stronger because of it.
2007-10-30 05:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by Scorpio 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋