I am the first to admit, it is easy to say leave him or her. I stayed with my wife after catching her 4 years ago in an affair. Since then I/we have been to hell and back to get where we are now. (I still think about it everyday) But we took a vow that was cracked deeply and we are slowly mending it. That vow we took back in 1995 means more to me now, than then. The following couple of years after the affair we could have split. I know I have worked harder than I ever imagine to get our relationship to the level we are at now. All I am saying is it is hard to keep a vow, but very easy to break them. Some marriages must end in divorce, but many are just from lack of effort. So how much is your wedding vow worth to you?
2007-10-30 05:21:22 · 35 answers · asked by Opps 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I commend everyone's responses they are moving. Many of you said communication is the key, I believe your correct. It is good to hear and I am sure some are reading that it is still a good thing to believe in the sanctity of marriage.
2007-10-30 05:43:36 · update #1
mt75689, I am the last to sound noble. Your saying it is from insecurity that someone stays with a spouse that has an affair?
2007-10-30 05:49:36 · update #2
Kirby
What makes you think she only did that once? I don't know, who does. We are closer than we were back then.
How do you feel about it???????
Obviously, it was devastating. You gave examples of why Jesus would "allow" divorce. He also forgives the adulterous.
2007-10-30 06:01:34 · update #3
i think that marriage mean putting 100% into it. when we marry someone, the past is the past. we have to enter marriage with the reality that no one is perfect and that to err is human and to forgive is divine. some people choose to divorce/seperate during the rough times, because there doesnt seem to be any other way out. if they have sincerely tried counseling and/or sought spiritual support and the other person wants out, who can force another to bend to their will? i commend anyone who hangs in there for the sake of believing in hope, love and commitment.
i think there are certain situations that warrent seperation with counseling: such as abuse and infidelity. during the seperation period two people can redefine what it was that they first fell in love with about that other person and work towards a common goal of healing and restoration. but there are cases where if all else fails and the relationship is doomed to failure, then a healthy decision would be to move on, while creating a new learned behavior of recongizing certain traits or characteristics that will hopefully prevent the innocent person from making the same mistake again. but there is nothing wrong with giving it all you got-as long its from both parties. its not fair for one person to bear the pain and the other to reap the benefits.
2007-10-30 06:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by D.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been through more rocky spots than smooth in the seven years of our marriage. My vows mean a great deal to me. I took a vow before God and our families to love,honor, and obey him and I intend to keep those vows to the very best of my ability. I try my very best never to break promises and as far as I am concerned my wedding vows are the most important promises I could ever have made. I know so many people take them lightly in this day and time. Most people go into a marriage thinking "well if it doesnt work we will just get a divorce". That is the beginning of the end of a marriage if you go into it thinking that way. Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. If you work at it though it can also be one of the most rewarding. I wish more people thought long and hard before they got married about whether they intended to stay together through thick and thin. People are human and therefore make many many mistakes. Sometimes you have to forgive and forget those mistakes to keep what is worth keeping. Some people should never get married and divorce for them is the best thing.many people that end up divorcing only do so because they don't want to put in the effort and commitment it takes to keep a marriage alive. I feel badly for the children in marriages where people refuse to try and make it work when there is a possibility of it working. They just dont want to try because they see the greener grass on the other side of the fence. More often than not though that grass is an illusion. It is astro turf compared to what you had in your own back yard to begin with. So many people try to get back what they had only to realize that the bridge they burned was one they needed. I am not really sure if that answered your question at all but I hope the answer was somewhere in what I said.
2007-10-30 05:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Derek sad truth is that many people either don't take their vows seriously and/or view them as being disposable like the rest of of society. But truth is that these vows when taken by mature loving people should be the bond that glues the relationship together through tough and good times. A couple of months ago I read a great article by people who had been married for over 40 years. One gentleman described how there were only the 4 A's where divorce should ever be considered. These 4 A's are Adultery, Abuse, Addiction and sorry I have forgotten the 4th. Communication was stated as the reason that these couples remained together this many years later. Being able to tell your partner what your feeling/thinking and allowing them to do the same was also very important. Regardless of how hurtful some of these things that are said providing they are not said in a hurtful or mean way they should be received and discussed in a mature and open minded environment. But that said I am very glad to hear that you and your ex are attempting to resolve the issues that were present and hope that all works out for you.
2007-10-30 05:35:07 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is commendable that you have worked so hard to preserve your marriage, sounds like your wife has too. I'm sure now she knows what a great husband she has and your vows mean much more to her now than then. Over time our vows are supposed to mean more to us. Love gets stronger over time. Years ago our marriage was at a breaking point I couldn't imagine then that I would love him like I do today. These days people want instant results and love is not instant, they think that "if I get married it'll be like this always". In general I think people don't put any value on vows - there are a select few of us that view our vows as unbreakable.
2007-10-30 05:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Our vows are sacred to us...it is so easy to break your vows and let the marriage end in divorce. For us, divorce is not an option. We've been togehter too long and been through too much to just throw it away.
I commend you for working past your wife's affair and working to save the relationship.
Nobody ever said a relationship was easy. It's hard work, and if you are not willing to put in the effort, you shouldn't get married in the first place.
2007-10-30 05:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by KitKat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm currently writing my wedding vows because I'm engaged.
However, they will not be JUST WORDS or anything of the like. These vows will be the start of a commitment between my future husband and I that I do not plan to break.
If for any reason he breaks our marriage vows, that doesn't mean mine won't be worth anything to me.. because what I am writing and planning to say, is everything that I mean.. and the start of a new chapter in my life.
2007-10-30 05:29:36 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wedding vows are sacred to me! Loyalty and respect to my husband and most of all to God are unchangeable!
Mine were made to my husband and God Is Our Witness, Judge, Father and all our lives are based On Him!
We've been together for almost seven years and I found out that maybe we would no longer be together if we did not have Jesus ahead of our lives! Making vows is very easy to most of the people just because they say "those things" but they don't really believe or care about them. But God heard them, He sure did!
Never give up my friend. Marriage is very improtant to God. Divorce is a nightmare for the couple and specially for the kids. I strongly believe that God hates divorce because at least one person will get real hurt and God doesn't want us to cause pain or trouble: He wants us to learn and to live in LOVE! God loves family!!
Be blessed always,
2007-10-30 05:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Desir D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The vows are the superglue that is suppose to keep the marriage together. These vows are a covenant between two that become one in the eyes of God. Vows are not to be taken lightly. May no man or women come between two people that become one.
It is our obligation to keep our vows and to protect the people around you that have also taken vows.
Sorry to hear about your situation, I hope you can mend your relationship and become stronger through this trial.
2007-10-30 05:31:12 · answer #8 · answered by Elven Archer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my grandparents were married for 50 years my parents 40 years so far and my wife and I 14 years. So I guess to some marriage vows mean a whole bunch!
2007-10-30 06:28:56 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wedding vows mean the world to me. Not only because I made a vow to the man that I am deeply in love with, I also made a vow to myself to be and stay faithful to my husband. I take nothing more seriously or more personally than the vows he and I took because these are choices that we made.
2007-10-30 06:00:21 · answer #10 · answered by Jane_S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋