I've always, well.. wanted a different dad. He used to be abusive, up to about 4 years ago when my mom's friend called child services on him.. nothing really happened to him. He still lives with us and he still screams and curses and all that but he just doesn't hit us. I dont even know if he ever hit my mom.. I was always too scared to ask. But now I think my dad is sneaking off with someone else. He leaves and tells my mom not to ask where he's going. I wish I had a different dad, my mom just deserves better. What is your opinion on this?
2007-10-30 05:19:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
but what about me? I'm involved in this and my mom doesn't do anything she just sits there and I guess she's scared.. I don't know.. but I feel like I need to help her!... and I've talked to her about it and she just says "that's your father" she.. idk defends him for his actions sometimes and it hurts me
2007-10-30 05:35:50 · update #1
your mom does deserve better, as do you. but it's up to your mom who she spends her life with. i know it's hard watching her go through it when you know that she should be treated better. talk to her and be her friend. all you can do is be there for her.
2007-10-30 05:34:09 · answer #1 · answered by buk84 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not get to pick your dad.
Getting involved in breaking up your parents is NOT a good idea.
My opinion is that you should stay out of your parents marriage.
As for abusive, he does not hit you.
Cursing and yelling, although not pleasent, is not like physical abuse. The old saying about sticks and stones break bones
but WORDS, well its still true.
Be very careful in getting involved in adult issues using a child's perspective. You do not really comprehend what goes on in their lives and you certainly do not understand what happens behind the bedroom door (or better not).
Understand that just because your mom might be away from your dad does not mean that you get a new dad in the bargain.
It could very well backfire with you and your mom being put in the street with no money or support. Then he could fight tooth and nail against giving anything to the support of his hateful daughter. Your mother would have a difficult time finding a new man who is any different than your dad coming from a position of homelessness and need.
Complicatng the life of your parents very frequently backfires and yeilds totally undesired results. Here is another scenario,
how about your parents break up and you go with your mother who ends up ill and dying. Where do you go? Back with the dad who you hate and made obvious?
I'm trying to warn you against being public with your feelings and taking sides. You may very well be justified in your feelings but do not interject them into your parents marriage.
It cannot go well for any of you.
If you wish to get involved, go to the library and start reading all the marriage self help books you can get your hands on.
Become educated and try to bring some logic and reason to this situation.
That would be the best solution to your problem
Good Luck.
2007-10-30 05:29:23 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That decision would be your mother's to decide.
If she wants to stay, support her and encourage counseling for her alone.
If your dad goes to counseling and works on it, then that's a miracle, but he probably won't.
Sometimes, people stick together because they are satisfying one need and disregarding the other needs.
Focus more on yourself and less on them. You are feeling already, the effects of an abused family. Psycological damage sometimes leaves worse scars than physical.
Continue to believe in yourself. Begin to absorb motivational material to counteract your father's behavior.
Get books on CD from the library and the actual book so you can absorb the sound of the words visually and audibly.
You need to balance the abuse that sticks in your head even when your father isn't there.
Please do this for yourself.
You must help yourself before helping your mother or father. They are grown and make their own decisions that effect you, but you can educate yourself and make your own decisions about what goes on in YOUR head. That's what matters in your life.
It takes SIXTEEN (16) times of positive input to wipe out ONE negative input. How many times has your dad said something to you that's negative? Add it up and times it by 16, then listen to MOTIVATIONAL, POSITIVE tapes/CDs that many times.
Give yourself time....remember how old you are and how long it could take. Don't rush it, you are young and have all the hope in the future ahead of you. You'll be alright and you'll be okay.
You could start with just 8 pages of one of these great books a day. Can you do just that?
2007-10-30 05:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by freshair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
could bypass the two way, relies upon on the clarification at the back of the divorce and the way badly the baby grew to become into affected: a million - a divorce would be lots extra possibly because of the fact the baby has no longer witnessed completely the sanctity of marriage and as a result could confirm to supply up whilst issues get difficult 2 - a divorce would be much less possibly because of the fact the baby knows first-hand the tough time his mom and father (and he) had as an instantaneous results of the divorce, and would not elect to journey that (or for his babies to journey that) as a result he could be extra susceptible to do regardless of it took to make the marriage artwork. Have i in my view spoke back your question right here or merely stated the easy glaring? Apologies in case you sense I unquestionably have!
2016-11-09 20:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom does deserve better.. but she has a mind of her own and has to make these decisions herself.
There could be financial reasons as to why she is still with him.
If this is such a problem to you, discuss it with your mom. It won't hurt to talk over how you feel and shed some light on the topic.
2007-10-30 05:31:37 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother has accepted your father at face value and has made the choice to stay.
Your parents' issues should not be YOURS, because they do not belong to you. Unfortunately, your father's awful behaviors do affect you.
I don't know what your mother is thinking, perhaps she loves him? it's hard to tell.
My opinion? Your parents are both adults and if they feel they have a problem marriage, they will do something about it... or not.. some people live in misery because it's what they are used to, and "normal" for them.
Lesson learned -- don't put up with anyone's crap.
2007-10-30 05:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you're upset because of your dad. It's really your mother who has to put up with him.
My advice to you, PRAY like your life depends on him. PRAY morning, noon, night and anytime you feel discouraged. Ask God to lift the burden off your shoulders and lessen the heavy feeling in your heart.
No one has to hear you praying. GOD listens to our inner spirit. So pray to yourself in your room where its quiet and free of noise.
When you are old enough and financially able, move out and get your own place.
Remember, "Tears endure for a night, But Joy cometh in the Morning".
God Bless You
2007-10-30 05:44:08 · answer #7 · answered by simee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah
2007-10-30 05:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your right your mother deserves better, problem is she has to realize that not you. Good luck
2007-10-30 05:23:04 · answer #9 · answered by Jengi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
that is between your Mom and Dad. and for your Mom to decide this. no one else. it is their marriage, they have to work it out for themselves.
2007-10-30 05:27:19 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋