Is it okay to keep secrets from your husband/wife?

Answer 1

Not really but sometimes we forget to tell it's a honest mistake..

Answer 2

Good heavens what a bunch of baloney we humans are!

Everything here is "Yes, except" or "No, but" or "If it's in the distant past" or "The recent past" or "If it will hurt them to know".

What that all boils down to is that people will find some excuse to cover their butts.

All I can tell you is this. I have always been very honest and open with my wife and thought she was the same but recently it became obvious that she has been very secretive and two faced while using my openness against me, throwing every little thing in my face. That revelation hurt me so bad you can't imagine. I still love her in many ways and I've been working hard to heal the hurt for a long time now but I can tell you I will never trust her or look at her the same again. Not because of any big thing she did, but because she's full of BS.

So all you people can just be full of BS at your own risk. You may get away with a thousand little things, but in the process you may lose the love and respect of someone genuine and true.

Sorry about the rant. This just touched a nerve. I feel better now.

Enjoy your day.

Answer 3

The secret is that in a sacred marriage, there are no secrets. The primary relationship is that of Soul to Holy Spirit, and there are no secrets from Holy Spirit. There are some things, however that need not be discussed, primarily the relationship with the Inner Master. Destructive patterns that hold one back from the Holy Spirit not only destroy the relationship with the Holy Spirit but also the sacredness of the marriage, so it's best to get rid of destructive patterns, or openly seek help for such patterns.

Answer 4

Are you disclosing a secret or something that is just private?

The book by Dr Harriet Lerner, Ph. D
"The Dance of Deception" covers this wonderfully.

If you've had an affair, gambling habit, drugs, pornography, crime in the long ago past and didn't reveal it and you've realized how much you loved your spouse, then you proceeded to treat the spouse with respect of repenting your behavior, don't say anything.

If you've had a recent affair, gambling habit, drugs, pornography, crime, over-spending habit you need to say something so the other person can have the power of decision of what they need to do. It's respectful and will make the relationship honest. You might be surprised as the months go on that the relationship is even deeper or you might discover that it wasn't really a good foundation for a marriage in the first place.

Basically, if you have an old burden that weighs on your soul, you give it secretly to Jesus. Ask HIM for forgiveness and proceed to carry on as you have repented.

If it's a current event, Jesus can help you carry it regardless, your spouse will have to give you the answer as to whether or not they want to carry the burden with you.

Good luck and Peace Be With You!

Answer 5

It is one of the most unhealthy behaviours to keep ANYTHING from your spouse.

You do the following when you keep secrets...

1. Break your partner's trust
2. Break your own promise and committment of honesty
3. Lie. Keeping a secret is exactly the same as lying. Telling wrong information, keeping true information, withholding information is all in the same category.
4. You give way for deceit to become a normal pattern. It is documented in numerous couples lives.
5. You take your partner for grantite

Answer 6

Not if you really want an honest relationship. Also, one of the funtions of a spouse is to support you and watch your back, just as you do theirs. Secrets are just a wedge between you that hurt everyone eventually, even if the secrets never come out! Tell your spouse your secrets and give them a chance to do the job they signed up for.

Answer 7

Yes, depending.
If this secret is something someone told you like a family member or friend with trust that you wouldn't tell it then yes it's okay.
If this secret involves infidelity, then it's not right, or anything that has potential to hurt or harm your husband/wife in any way, then it's not okay.

Answer 8

Funny thing about secrets--they have a way of becoming known. And the spouse usually either has an idea or already knows anyways.

Answer 9

I see it as part of life to keep "some" things from your significant other, but when picking what you should and should not share I think you need to look at your reasons for not wanting to share. If its something you would want to know if the roles were switched then it is prolly a good idea to tell them.....Its only right to let them know what cards they are holding so they can play their hand the way they want to. Also in my experience if you keep it in and its big you will always wonder "what if they knew the truth....would they still feel the same?"

Answer 10

well....some people feel a spouse is on a need to know basis. i find this rude and non-progressive to a happy marriage. anything pertainin to children, finances, job-related, friend's related should be told. now if it's a friend cheating on his wife....that's not a mandatory issue to tell. now if he is involving one of the spouses in his deception, that's a no no. things of that nature. a friend with a drug problem, should be told. keeping a promotion secret for a while to surprise the wife, not a bad thing.

Answer 11

Of course it is okay. As long as it doesn't really involve them.

Example: My BFF tells me that she suspects her husband is having an affair and would like my opinion of possible evidence that she has collected. Afterwards she asks that I keep this conversation quiet and between us. I promise that I will not speak a word of it. Now, I don't tell my husband about the conversation I had with my BFF. Why? Because it is none of this business.