I want a baby...he thinks I am too old!?

Question

I am just 42, in a fairly new loving relationship, my boyfriend & I met through a dating site & corresponded for 18 months before meeting in July. Have breezed around the subject a few times & had negative comments back.. though once on messenger he did say ...'never say never' However, time is running out for avoiding the subject. He has a son by a previous partner & I have a daughter from a previous relationship, both are aged 10. It has come to light recently that my boyfriend thinks 'it is not a good idea to have children past 40 which I feel is getting in the way of me committing to this relationship emotionally as I dearly would like to have another child. I am finding it hard to speak about my feelings, his son seems to be his world & enough for him, I feel I need the option of another child for the relationship to progress or life will feel very empty, I have a fulfilling career & love my only daughter dearly, however I have this need for another child.

Answer 1

I think that is so true. You should confront him on this and ask him. If this is what you want then you are wasting valuable time on someone who wants something else out of life, different from your own. Be true to you hun!!!
You should be able to share your dreams and visions for the future with him so that you know you are both headed in the same direction and wanting similar things out of life.
Write a letter or email to him or get him hopelessly drunk and ask;-) x

Answer 2

42, your not old but for childbaring nature wont be as kind as she was when you were 32. But you know this, no doubt you've read up on you need to know. This could be a double edge sword. If you get pregnant, he may think you trapped him. If you preasure him into it, he'll end up resenting you. Did he have a bad experience when his son was born? this could be putting him off. The thing is some women do get broody at that age. I don't mean that to sound funny in any way shape or form. But its almost as if you know its your last chance, before the clock runs out. Have a long think, then sit your parnter down and ask him to tell you why he's so set against it. Make it clear that it means alot to you and that him saying no has hurt you, you need a really good reason to stop you feeling so let down. If the reason is good enough then you should respect his wishes. But if this means you'll end up resenting him for saying no, then you have to think of which is more important, him or a new baby. all the best.

Answer 3

I really think you need to confront this head on with him. The whole point of meeting people through dating sites is to be able to weed out the ones whose ideas on things like this are the opposite to your own. If you want another child more than you want to continue your relationship with him (it is early days so it might not last anway - not being horrible just realistic) then you should let go move on and find someone who wants a child with you.

Answer 4

Relationships are about compromise he should be willing. I think he is being selfish a child bonds to people together.
I used to work with someone that had a baby at 40 you still may have a chance, but it will be difficult to carry the child as once a woman hits 35 it becomes more difficult often they have to have stress test once or twice a week. But don't let the discourage you. Good Luck.

Answer 5

First - you are not too old. However, At 52 I currently look after my 19 month old grandson full time and I can truly tell you it's exhausting. However, he is a delight and I didn't have to go through the pregnancy and birth process.

If this man is totally against another child, then you are blocked,, unless you are prepared to go it alone with another child - which I guess could be an option for you.

Go with your heart - you are obviously a great Mom anyhow and no reason why you can't be again.

Answer 6

If you are saying the relationship will not progress without a child, if for some reason you cannot have a child then what, will you finish it? You seem to have your priorities mixed up here and the need for another child is clouding your feelings.

Answer 7

If it was your first child I'd say no way but it's your second so go for it but he doesn't want anymore this is a huge problem. Think it though do you want him as the father of a child he never wanted ?? He could make your life miserable never letting you forget it!! What more important having another child or a relationship with him?? I wish you the best !!

Answer 8

It doesn't sound like the man you're in this relationship with is really what you want from a relationship. It's hard to say whether this desire for a child is trying to cover up feelings that he's not everything you want, or if he's not everything you want so you're casting about for something else to fulfill you, but either way I'd start by deciding if it's really him you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 9

If this is make or break to your relationship (and I understand why it might be) then you simply HAVE to find a way to talk to him about it, and impress on him how much this means to you. Sometimes talking face to face can be extremely difficult, especially when so much is riding on the response and you fear it may not be favourable. You may find writing it all down in a letter and handing it to him to read is a less confrontational way to deal with it. There is no fear of you being interrupted before everything is said, you get as many chances to get it all right as you want before you declare it the final version, and you don't have to risk forgetting anything or getting over emotional and breaking down in tears. Also, sometimes seeing something in black and white makes it more real for him, and definitely less easily avoided and brushed under the carpet for later.

Answer 10

Child issue aside, you can't even talk to him about your feelings. Believe me that will become a monster of a problem. Sort that out before you start thinking about baby names.