someone please guide me through this?

Question

ill try to make this as short as possible i am 26 have a 8 year old child from a previous relationship, i met my husband over 4 years ago we dated for a very long time had a lot of problems but love never let us part ways for long my husband joined the military and seemed like a new wonderful man all i ever wanted comes home we get married and soon after meet him in a different country.. and where do i begin... problems,problems, he isnt the same man i thought i was marrying. my husband really will call me every name in the book **** ***** u name it and for the dumbest reasons alot of the time i just know when i agree theres a fight. and no i do fight words back, hes always telling me im useless becouse hes the only 1 working but we only have 1 car and it is hard to find a job with very little english working jobs i went to school before coming here for dental assisting for a year and can not get that job... he has all access to bank accounts only putting my name on the one that has it

he spoils his self with all the electonics he wants and expensive gifts for his self and only buys me other than food what he wants me to have im not equal and when i tell him this he says i make the money ill do as i please, im so hurt ive been put on depression meds hoping to numb my pain but so far im not numb , he met this guy who he spends all his free time with, if hes not at his house there on the phone together always even his lunch breaks from work are being spent with this guy. and i have been wanting a baby for a really long time and he refuses to give me one i know our relationships rocky but that adds so much pain to the hurt im already fealing i ach for another child ..o and hes also really sneaky and into porn which pisses me off becouse when hes lookin im never gettin any, we have talked about divorce and threaten eachother alot but i am really in this state of being right with god. i only want to be married once and i love my husband and when hes good to me i remember

weve tryed counsling but after 1 alone sesion he refused to go back i am out of options... im so far from anyone i know and totally lost

Answer 1

okay one word for you . divorce him and get all you can out of him . when you go for the divorce tell your attorney everything and I mean everything .

Answer 2

First things first...where are your parents, grandparents, aunts etc???? Maybe you should put a call out to them and see if they can help you out of the foreign country you are in. It sounds to me as if he changed when he went into the military. You didn't say what branch he is in, but from experience it seems there are two that change a man into something he wasn't when he went in.
You deserve to be treated better than you are, and bringing a baby into this stressed relationship is not a good idea. If he doesn't want anymore children that means that he is not ready and I don't think I would pressure him on that. You also didn't say how he treats your child, but I am assuming since you said he spends so mcuh time with his buddy he doesn't have time for the child either. He is being very controlling and you should not stand for that. If anything, you can go to his superior officer and talk with them about it. The military has counseling for spouses and for marriage, if he is not going to go, then find the bus schedule and go alone. You need to have some support and this is a good place to start.
Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

I've never seen such a long sentence in my life! Your question would be much easier to read if you'd put periods in, and make new paragraphs when you change subjects.

You have a child, and so you need to keep your home as free from arguing as you can. It's surely not good for the child to see Mom & stepdad fighting all the time.

Tell your husband that he's going to need to go to counselling with you. Or, that the marriage is over. And mean it! Above all else, do not let that child think that you're arguing over him. Kids will assume that it's all their fault when parents argue.

Answer 4

Get a job, get aout of your house. Go back to school...do something! Being at home crying is not going to do you any good. Yes, there are plenty of jobs in military bases for foreign spouses, it may not be what you want at first, but you have to start somewhere. I've seen many korean, hispanic and phillipino military spouses working in the Army Lodging, the commisary and the chaw hall and most of them do not speak any english. They use the post bus or conmute with each other as they are many in a similar situation as yours.

Stand on your own feet and stop being so darn co-dependent. If all you do is for him to come home so you can start crying and complaining, no wonder he doesn't want to spend time at home.

Get some independence and do something for yourself. It will help your relationship if you do. Get some help in ACS as they have many programs for spouses : english classes, work fairs, resume building tips, etc. ACS will point you in the right direction. They have counsellors available for you.

Good luck

Answer 5

It sounds like you have tried everything to make this relationship work but you need to get ahold of yourself and get out before you get pregnant with another child and bring him into this unhappy situation. Divorce is never fun but being in a relationship like yours is even worse. You need to think about your own well being and meds are not the answer You need to get out this relationship and start a new life. Men are very good at making women feel like they are worthless and the only reason they do this to us is because they are worthless themselves and are trying to pin it on someone else. I was married to a military man and they are very arogant and ignorant to their women. When they go over seas they are out with girls and cheating all the time and you dont want to get a disease from his mess ups. We as women are very strong individuals and we can make it no matter what is dealt our way and you need to know this. There are great guys out there and they are just waiting for the opportunity to make you feel wonderful but if you dont give them the chance then you will never know. I am singel and supporting my family 199% and it is hard sometimes but all I have to do is look back at what a shell of a person I was when I was with him and how unhappy I was and it gives me the strength to keep going. A man like that is destroying you and your children and you need to get out.

Answer 6

You need to get on your feet.. not because of him. Belive me after you do find a job he will find somthing eles to yell about.
I think ou should prepare for the worse and try finding a job and start your own account for travel money get it.
If the problem was only getting a job ..well then you will have extra x~mass money in the end but I bet you you will need that money for other reasons.

Answer 7

Since he's military, you have a few things going for you that you otherwise do not have. Go speak to his first sergeant or his commander. They can force him to be responsible...even to attend counseling. And, if that is what you want, they can help you get back to the States. Use the opportunities provided to you.

I do hope things will change for you. God bless.

Answer 8

You need to get out ..... this is abuse and to live like this is very harmful to you and your child. Take a good HARD look and you will find in yourself that you can do much better. Sounds like he is a control freak. Get out before to much damage to yourself esteem is done. Living with abuse can put you in a bad place .... Get out of it.

Answer 9

You're screwed hon! He's got you exactly where he wants you. If you have parents or friends that can help, then get away from this as shole as quickly as you can. Get back home, file for divorce and get him out of your life, forever

Answer 10

The Lord, Jesus Christ. I suppose that drugs guide you through your life, am I right? Drugs, booze, and sex keep you "content", right? Get saved today, you know that you want to.