My fiancée, whom I dated for 4 years broke up with me in June, stating that she needed to find herself. It has been 5 months now and haven’t talked to my fiancée in 2 months, and I have started dating a new girl, which is going really well, except recently all I can think about is my fiancée and how much I miss her. What is worse is that the new girl, lives in the apartment building directly across the street in NYC from my fiancée. I need help, I want to move on but I miss my fiancée more than anything
2007-10-30 03:54:27 · 34 answers · asked by Jennaba9048 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like you haven't finished with your ex-fiancee in your head as she was 'finding herself' - there's probably a part of you hoping she'll come back to you
talk to your ex, make sure you know exactly where you stand with regards to any relationship - and then, if it's over, take it slowly. after 4 years, you're not going to bounce back immediately. even if you've found someone else, you're not going to automatically be over your ex because of it/
2007-10-30 03:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by sunshine_mel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You really need to make a firm decision on what you want.
It sounds like you are still hung up on the hope that your ex-fiance will want you back!
What if she did ask you back, what would you do?! Would you just drop your new girlfriend and take her back, or would you stay with the new one? If you would drop her, then you really shouldn't be with her now. It isn't fair to lead her on like that!
If you still have feelings for your ex, you need to resolve them or any new relationship won't work! You say the new relationship is going really well, but something must be missing if you are still thinking about your ex!
Maybe you should think logically about where each of possible relationship would take you?
If you keep thinking about an impossible situation, you will never get anything real, you'll always be living in the past and missing out on the present and the future!
If there was another chance, where would that take you? Would there be any real future in it if there wasn't before? Would things ever really be like before, and if so, why would it work this time? Would you ever feel secure, and not worry that she'd change her mind and need to find herself again?
Have a serious think about what it is that you want, and then act on it. Don't live with "what if's" and "if only's".
I hope you work things out soon! It is a terrible dilemma to be in, but only you can know in your heart what you want, and when you work it out, go for it, or live a lifetime of regret!
Good luck!
2007-10-30 06:19:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best path to take is to stop dating and stop looking. See yourself suffering because the other person left you with the reasons you were told, they don't make sense, but take it anyway, but be stronger than the situation and don't run like a puppy needing a home looking for somebody else to try to "match" the one you had, that's the biggest mistake ever. Make a simple life like "work-home-school", with your new free time, try to find a hobby, go to a store and buy some toys, video games, get a bicycle if you don't have one, something on what you can use your time. Consider strongly going back to school or make one step forward in that aspect - all that while seeing the other person leaving you and getting further in your life. Try to find new things to enjoy, going to the movies alone (again, don't start dating, take things in the hard way, is like buying a car, you pay a little price you get something not reliable, you pay big bucks, you get something good). Then you will see yourself handling life in a great way, working, studying, using your time in valuable things, and also being happy. You will be even more happy that now you aren't into a not-desired relationship with someone (your current girl) that you have to dump because you don't love her and she was just a "patch of the moment". I should have said you can save someone from being heart-broken (your new girl). Is the way I said, or just be dating around like looking for a home or some love, to the "poor loveless guy", you need to stand up, be strong, phisically and mentally, you aren't being strong, you aren't a strong man for what you are describing, which is probably why the other person left you, for not being strong. Also, don't be surprised if you do what I said, your ex later will want you back, after she broke up with you without a clear reason "find herself". But you will be happy and strong enough, to revert the roles, and being you the one who decides if you take her back or not. My suggestion is to move on and since you have become someone stronger and better you aren't compatible anymore to someone you started dating and was compatible with you in the past, not in the present.
2007-10-30 04:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely know what you are going through, and it sucks. My ex and I recently broke up as well. I love him so much and miss him like crazy. The difference is that I don't have anyone new that I am dating. That must be very difficult for you, and even more unfair for the girl you're with now. If I were you, I would just tell her that you need to be friends for now. At least until you get all of your thoughts and emotions figured out. As for any advice that I can give you, everyone keeps telling me to take comfort in the fact that all of the pain that you are feeling right now is only temporary and will surely fade with time. You just need to take it day by day. It's normal to miss the hell out of someone after a break up. Especially if they share the amount of history that you and your ex had. I guess just cherish the memories that the two of you had together and just try your best to get back to the normalcy of your life. Trust me, I know it's hard, but it'll hurt even more if you continue to torture yourself over a situation that you have no control over. Trust me, because I've been dong it, and it really does get you nowhere. Just try your best to enjoy life, and if it is in God's plan for the two of you to be together again, then it will happen. Hope this helps :)
2007-10-30 04:01:39 · answer #4 · answered by HoneyChild 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She left you for a reason...probably other than "needing space" or "finding themselves"..which in my opinion, is a crock. Sorry!
It's hard when there is no closure to a relationship. Maybe you could contact her and get that from her and see what really happened to your relationship.
Perhaps, after having this, you will have an easier time moving on.
The worst thing to do after a break up such as yours, is to jump into another relationship so quick. Those types usually don't work out so well. If you loved your fiancee so much, why did you get into a new relationship?
You need to be honest with your current girlfriend and tell her how you are feeling in regards to your ex. It is not fair to lead her on.
Get the closure, get yourself together, and then try a new relationship, when you can give it your all.
Good luck! I know it's hard!
2007-10-30 04:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dated a man for 10 years and we broke up 2 years ago. I still miss him but we were not a match and I have not seen him since we broke up. I wish him the best, because that is what you feel about someone you love, but I have gone on with my life as you have. Give the woman you're dating a fair chance and above all, don't compare her to your old love.
2007-10-30 04:12:28 · answer #6 · answered by darkdiva 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Five months is not long enough to be over a 4 yr relationship especially since you were engaged. I feel bad for your new girl, she's a rebound.
Grief is a process. Spend some time really healing instead of getting involved with other people.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking
2007-10-30 06:03:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on.......needing time is just a nice way of breaking up! i was with my ex for 3yrs and one day he decides he "needs some time" that was 3 yrs ago, i was so devasted i couldnt move on hoping and wishing he would realize and he would come back, i didnt date and i have pushed many great guys away because in the back of my head i was think he will come back, and he would he will tell me he loved me missed me and then he would leave again he did that for 2 1/2 yrs until i got some sense in my head and i am now trying to close that chapter out of my life trust me its very hard but you have to move on the sooner the better......dont make the same mistake i did, now he has someone else and i have heard he tells people he loves me still but i am smart to know to ignore that and love myself enough to move on and keep moving forward, it will be very hard but like they say what is meant to be will always find its way so if shes for you she will come back meanwhile dont push this girl out of your life....good luck!
2007-10-30 04:07:57 · answer #8 · answered by *SIMPLY ME* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she has moved on you need to do the same. I'm sure this girl will always have a special place in your heart, however you are not being fair to the new girl. If you have genuine feelings for the new girl you need to commit 110% to her, and let the EX fiancee go. Maybe you need to find yourself also!!
2007-10-30 04:05:53 · answer #9 · answered by sheets812 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you moved on prematurely. I think that maybe you should have waited. It also seems to me that closure is something that is needed so you can move on. Telling you that " I need to find myself" is not enough to break off an engagement. Find yourself in what way....that could be one of the questions you can ask her. Talk to your ex-fiance and see what she has to say, if she has moved on then I am sure that will give you the go ahead to start something new with the new lady.
2007-10-30 04:08:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is time. Anyone that "needs to find themselves" is saying, "I don't want you anymore". Definitely move on. I dated/lived with a man for 8 yrs. It took me 4 or more to totally get over him. Just keep pushing along. You are going to miss your ex -- of course you are, that is human, whether it was a good relationship or not. Just try and keep moving forward. Good luck. It'll all work out, you deserve better and believe me, there is better out there.
2007-10-30 04:00:02 · answer #11 · answered by Scigirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋