Have you had a miscarriage? How did you deal with the pain?

Question

I can't type any details. I'm sorry. It just hurts too much...

I'm sorry some of you received a thumbsdown. I truuuuly appreciate EVERYONE's comments!

Answer 1

I have suffered the pain and loss of three. Its devastating. Its heart wrenching pain that just doesn't want to go away. You feel empty, lost, alone, and just sad. I went through 3 losses in one year. I did not know where to turn, family seemed to forget, the pain started to get worse I felt like I had no one. So for starters if you have support through this difficult time its the best thing. There are no right words or healing words that can make this better. Time heals wounds and I know right now that you may feel different but coming from someone who has also been in these painful shoes, time does deal, your memory of your child is a precious one, do not allow people to tell you that your child is not real, or that you are not a mother to that child, in your heart that child will live if that's where you choose to keep your child....

There is so much someone who has been in similar shoes can tell you, can help you through this. So I could sit forever and tell you things that may or may not help.

But please as a grieving mother - 2 years out....please find support and love if that's what you need, there are MILLIONS of ways to do so. First off, if you have myspace, find a group for pregnancy loss....or search on the internet. Google SHARE, join, look, chat. There are lots of support groups, some may even be local, some may not. Yahoo also has groups, try them.

One thing that helped me along the way, after a little while was this poem. I printed it out and handed it to friends and family...no words had to be said...this says it all.

Don't Tell Me That You Understand

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.
Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task, apart from all the rest.
Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.
Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to grieve, don't tell me when to cry.
My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see,
But I need you and your love...Unconditionally.
Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say, "My friend, I care."

Author Unknown

Good luck with this....and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Answer 2

I have had a miscarriage, I was 12 weeks along and the baby had died at 7 weeks. I had to undergo a DNC to take the baby. I have felt and continue to feel the pain of this (it has been over three years). There is no clear cut way of dealing with the loss of a child. No matter how far along you were that was still your child. Give yourself time to feel grief....go through the grieving process. What I found helpful was talking to other people that were dealing with a miscarriage also (do a google search for support groups for miscarriages). My mistake in dealing with my miscarriage was that I remained angry and bitter about it for over two years. I spiraled into a deep depression and felt extreme anger towards God for taking my child. I eventually worked through it with Spiritual and Psychological help but it was not easy. So I guess all I can recommend is seek supports.....and not the supports that sit there and say "I know how you feel" because they don't or "It wasn't meant to be". People try to be helpful but that is not helpful.....Someone posted a poem as a response. I read that at some point and its words are very important. Take care!

Answer 3

My sister had multiple miscarriages before she was able to have two children. It was very hard for her, as they wanted children very badly. The Doctor actually told her to quit trying, and start adoption procedings, because it was taking such an emotional toll on her. The beautiful thing was, that when they did start adoption procedings, she ended up getting pregnant again, and because she was so focused on the adoption, she didn't really pay attention until she was 3 months pregnant, and had finally made it past that critical 1st trimester. (She had severe endometriosis, so her cycle was very irregular.) We all think she was so high strung about miscarrying, that it highly contributed to her inability to carry a baby beyond the 1st trimester. She had a beautiful healthy, baby boy. She miscarried again after she had him, so they started adoption procedings again, and along came their daughter.

It hurts like crazy, you mourn as though you knew that child already, and that is ok. He or she was a part of you. As time passes, you will feel better, and life will get back to normal. You must remember also, that your hormones will play a role in this, and even post partum depression is normal. If you feel it coming on, see your Doctor for a mild anti-depressant, or seek some therepy.

You are in mourning, and as with any death, it takes time to heal. My heart goes out to you girl. It may help you to try and keep busy, do some volunteer work with senior citizens, they are very insightful people with a lifetime of experience that could be very theraputic. There are also support groups out there in websites like Cafe' Mom, and I-Village.

I pray for you that this is going to be the only miscarraige, and you will go on to have healthy beautiful children. You seem like a great lady, with a wonderful sense of humor, and a positive outlook. Attitude is everything. Email me if you want to talk. Take care :-)

Answer 4

I too had a miscarriage, and it tore me apart. I'm so sorry for your loss. I found peace in prayer, but I must admit it took months before I could think of that baby and pregnancy before I was able to look at it in good light. Definitely talk to people - you'd be suprised how many people actually suffer from this same thing. It's so common, I had no clue. After my m/c, it seemed like everyone was tellng me their own stories. You may want to join a message board - women on those are SO helpful, and so many have went through the same things. I became a faithful babysnark member after my miscarriage, those women helped me through alot.

You may want to check it out their forums at www.babysnark.com

Answer 5

well, i haven't(im too young to get pregnat...my mom would be sooo P-ed off)but my mom has ha one before ....last year...she had a tubal pregnacy.....one of her tubes bursted and took off part of her bladder(of the outside) and that was what had caused the pain(for her anyways) and she clled her doctor but he was out of town, so she talked to a nurse. my mom told her what was happenning and the nurse told my mom to come in for a check-up...they did tests on her and told her that the baby had passed and that there will be pain for a little while but not to worry. my mom took the advice and after a while the pain went away.... only to come back later...she called her doctor when he came back from his vacation, and told him she was STILL having pain...(this was a week and a half since the miscarriage) he told her to come back in so he can personally check on her....he had was surprised to she had the rare tubal pregnacy and that she could have bled to death (from the inside without even knowing it)....but instead she bled some and then the blood dried up and formed a clot and then she started to bleed some more..and if she was a bit later, she would have died...so they imediate surgery...and she lived....but stayed in the hospital for a week....her doctor that did the surgery is pretty old...and said that he has only seen this ONCE before my mom....dont worry, the chances of you getting the same thing as my mom is very slim.....
but i am soooo sorry to here something like a miscarriage is happening to someone as nice as you....i REALLY hope you get better VERY soon.....hope very much that this helped....ttyl!

Answer 6

My husband and I were so excited when we first got pregnant. My brother and his wife were pregnant, too, and it was such an exciting experience being pregnant together. Unfortunately, we had a sonogram and realized that there was no baby. Yes, it was painful. I cried my eyes out all weekend and had to miss my best friend's baby shower because I knew I couldn't handle it. I had to watch my sister-in-law get bigger and bigger. Fortunately, I was so happy for them that I couldn't resent them.

I'll tell you what got me through it. One, reaching out to the women in my world who had experienced the same disappointment that I did. I found at least twenty women between my family and friends who had miscarried, too, and went on to have children. Two, my husband was my rock and he helped me as much I helped him. Three, the knowledge that it was possible for the egg and sperm to meet. We had been trying for three years, and to know it was at least possible really kept me going. Four, Faith. I knew that God would help me with a child when it was time.

How do I feel now? Well, now, I have this beautiful little girl in my life who I just adore. I miscarried again before she came into my life, the same day my nephew was born. When we got pregnant with Amber, we weren't supposed to be trying yet. They say it always happen when you're not thinking about it. When I first miscarried, my sister-in-law told me that if she hadn't miscarried twice, she wouldn't have her son Geoffrey in her life. She wouldn't change anything about her experience. When she told me that, I thought she was nuts, but now, after having Amber in my life, I can understand exactly what she meant. The only time I really feel sad is when I read about other women going through the same experience and being in pain. I know what's it like to love someone you never met and be so disappointed that they weren't able to be a part of this world.

Please know that you are not alone and that you have many resources out there to help you deal with your grief. I've read that the pain doesn't go away, but I truly have to disagree. I feel so blessed to have my child, and would repeat it all just to have her in my life. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself.

Answer 7

yes i had a miscarriage April o6 and i know the pain is hard to bare but in time it does get a little easier i know right now you will be feeling like it is the end of the world. I coped by joining a site on the Internet called lams and they have helped me loads because every one on there has been through it and now how you are feeling and they have helped me through my roughest of days they have been there when i wanted to scream shout and cry .I still think about my little angel now and i still get upset because my sister has a daughter that would have been three months younger than mine and seeing here do here first steps and cutting her first tooth i think to my self that would have been me but i know the girls on lams are there and i can talk to them.

If you ever want to talk you can msn me on [e-mail]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this traumatic experience i will be thinking and praying for you

Answer 8

A miscarriage is a very painful and hard event to go through. It is best to have your closest family and friends around for support. Also, try counseling. There are several websites available, your local library has books about coping, and you may want to consider contacting your local mental health services department for additional counseling. They have specialist available that are specially trained for these kind of events. They can give you coping tips and ways to get through your grief. Good luck to you and I am sorry for your loss. May God Bless.

Answer 9

First of all, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I, too, have been there and it is very painful. But, if you believe in God, try to understand that the child is with Him for a reason. That reason can be that the child had an abnormality that He felt you couldn't tend to on Earth or simply that it wasn't the right time for you. It is not for to understand, only accept. Time will help you heal but you will never forget.

Smile at the heavens and know your baby is in a wonderful place. That really helped me 20 years ago with the loss of twins.

Sandy :O)

Answer 10

I am so sorry hon. I have had 4 in my lifetime at different gestation periods. I was always high risk due to damage done to me by my dad - I named them all. I did alot of crying, felt like I must have doin something wrong - I talked it out alot- wrote in my journal alot - exercised alot - cooked alot- I have 4 here on earth- with the last, I died on the table, they brought me back - I'm glad so that I could be around to see them grow up.

But I agree with the other poster who said, look up and know where they are. God says His ways are higher than our ways - that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts - I believe he knew who to take early and who not to - and I know he had good reason.

My prayers are with you.