i live in chicago with an abusive husband who does drugs i dont have a way to leave here do i have to file for divorce first? i have no friends here to help me get anywere and my family is all in tennessee thats were im moving. could they get me for kidnapping even thowe hes abusive? should i get proof hes abusive first? or can i make the state give him a drug test when he trys to accuse me of kidnapping?
2007-10-30 03:37:06 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK Thomas
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2007-10-30 03:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by Jason 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Okay it is NOT kidnapping if you two are still married. You need to make sure that he (the jerk of a husband) is aware of your location after you reach it. Only let him know you are in Tennessee. There is no such law or anything preventing you from leaving and taking your son as long as no divorce is filed. He will then have to file divorce or contact a friend of the court to attempt to set up visitation. I do not believe you can file for divorce in Tennessee simply by moving there. You will have to set up residency for usually 30-90 days. Good luck and make sure you journal or document everything that has happended. You should also take pictures of him using drugs or drugs being in the household as you will be able to use this on him at a later date. You are not kidnapping if you are legally married and you just up and take off.
2007-10-30 10:48:03 · answer #2 · answered by blondandsmart79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, BOTH parents of an intact marriage have equal rights to the child. Therefore, if you leave you cannot, by statute, be charged with kidnapping.
So you have the right legally to take your child anywhere you please. HOWEVER.....
The minute you do, he will most likely file for divorce in Chicago with an attending petition to order the return of the child to the jurisdiction and you will be required to comply or face contempt of court and arrest.
Once a court order is issued, it THEN becomes parental kidnapping which is a felony.
And you will still be required to establish residency in Tennessee before you can file for divorce. The minimum time will be six months.
Therefore, I stronly suggest you file for a restraining order / domestic abuse report then immediately file for divorce, temporary custody with supervised visitation.
Northwestern in Evanston has a legal clinic that can help you put together the forms necessary to file the divorce action.
2007-10-30 10:50:02 · answer #3 · answered by hexeliebe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call a shelter or the police to get you some help. there could be an agency out there to get you put on a bus to get away. what are the laws for abusers now days up there? next time he does it, call the police and tell them that you fear for your life or even do this: when he pass's out one night take his $ and go to the nearest bus station! dont worry about the kidnapping charges, worry about the life that your son is learning to live. take pics of the abuse if you dont to report it. At least then you will have proof when you need it.
2007-10-30 10:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave the state. Go to a battered women's shelter - they will give you a place to stay, counseling and help you find legal help. If your husband has a police record that will help, if you have ever filed charges against him, that will help you to eventually free yourself.
In most states it is illegal to remove the children from the state without the permission of both parents, but you also have a duty to remove your children from a place where they are in danger, so the battered women's shelter is your best option.
When you divorce, make sure you ask for full parental custody and try to get his parental rights terminated. This is difficult, but stick with it. Make sure you ask for everything you will need to stay away from this guy.
2007-10-30 10:52:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is abusive, you need to go to the police. Get it on record that you are afraid of him. You cannot just take your child and leave the state without having any proof that something is going on. They can get you for kidnapping, and even worse, you could lose custody of your child.
You have to think this through and plan for your future. Start saving money. Go to the police and report the abuse - everytime he puts his hands on you or threatens you - go to the police! Call a woman's shelter and ask them to give you advice on how to leave.
I hate that I am suggesting that you stay - even for a minute-but sometimes that is the only answer. You are going to have to plan your escape! Just be very careful in the meantime!! Try not to provoke him, and if you even feel slightly threatened by him - CALL THE POLICE!!!!!
2007-10-30 10:49:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call childrens services or a battered womans shelter. Get into somewhere that knows how he is and whats going on. That way you have a record of trying to get away from him. File for divorce because of abuse and drug use. THen if he stills comes after you i'd say run. At least that way you have record that you tried to get away you followed all the legal steps and nothing helped.
2007-10-30 10:40:30 · answer #7 · answered by Jesse's Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go to a womans shelter(not saying you have to stay there) they will help you get an order of protection for your self and the child. keeping hinmm away from you and the baby. I say go and worry about the rest later. you can go as long as he doesn't have an order saying you can't. You both have equal rights until that time so if you live somewhere for 6 months you have residency and so does the child. he will have to fight you there.Maybe you should flee and get the order after you find another place to live. i don't know set up a plan with someone at an abuse shelter
2007-10-30 10:47:31 · answer #8 · answered by tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the closest womens shelter for advice.. keep a diary of any abusive behavior until you go, and try to list all the dates and events of the past. The shelter can help to get you away, and KEEP him away from you while you try to mend your life. They will also help you to get where ever you want to go, in a safe and protected way. Good luck hon; it's a hard step to leave, but with just a little preperation you wont have to worry about the law comming after you!
2007-10-30 10:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by Lynda G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you called the police when he has been abusive? You could get a restraining order to prevent him from having contact with you and your son. Tell the courts because of his past violence and drug use you fear for the safety of you and your son. Explain that you have family in another state willing to let you stay with them until you can get on your feet. that should help you move on.
2007-10-30 15:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by nykate_winslow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to the police station and get a restraining order against him and then move. You might have to go back for the court proceedings but get the heck out. Call one of the womens abuse places around you and ask them before doing anything though. It's usually listed right in the front of the phone book.
2007-10-30 10:42:00 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋