Black people, can ya help me?

Question

Here's my question:
If a white person says the he/she has black friends and is not racist, black people hate this, and immediately think that you ARE racist, and you are lying or something.
This is something that most white people don't understand about you. When we say this, we are merely pointing out proof that we are NOT racist and don't care what color you are, otherwise we wouldn't be friends.
Do you understand this about us? Why is this so misunderstood between black & white people?
Please no stupid or racially provoked answers.
-Thnx

Yes, I am talking about when being provoked to explain.......this is why we say we have black friends. We're basicly saying.....why would we have black friends if we were racist?
I guess some of the people who responded didn't see the point I was getting at, and still want to assume things about me simply because I'm asking a genuine question. Lighten up, and you might see past what you automaticly want to assume.
-Thanks

To "BadKitty"......
If you read over your own response 1 more time, you may notice that you dis-proved your own answer about being paranoid about it. I personnally wouldn't call it being paranoid, maybe just really sensitive. You go on & on about the subject...which I appreciate your response, but then ask if we think your THAT paranoid.......well read your answer again....that might answer your own question. Thanks anyways

Answer 1

Here's how I take it. I personally don't think it's racist when a White person says they have Black friends. I mean, if I was to be called racist, the first thing I would say is that I have White friends. IT'S EVIDENCE. I mean, who wouldn't say that if they were being grilled like that? But, when you have your Black friends counted, that's a red flag. I don't have any of my White, Asian, Hispanic, whatever friends counted. I just have friends. So whenever someone says, "I have four Black friends!" I get a little wary.

Answer 2

I realize that my skin is not black so I hope you can look past me trying to answer this one personally. Your question is a little confusing (and I don't think it's because I'm white or that you're black). You should try to understand that many white people in this country don't come into regular contact with black people. When they do, and if they don't already have some prejudice, they probably get a little excited by the idea of coming into contact with a real, live, black person. I know this sounds corny, but I have friends from the midwest and have seen this when they have come to visit me in NYC. It's not racism or reverse racism (which is really just racism), I think it's just a need to adapt to new surroundings. I mean, isn't that what tolerance really should be anyway? The ability to adapt and accept? Thanks for a good question.

Answer 3

I'm not sure if you know this, but having Black friends and not being a racist are totally irrelevant. When White people make that statement, it is like you said, it sounds like you guys are going out on a limb to prove to Blacks that you are not racist...and it proves nothing! Then, you turn around and mention the skin color of your friends. Sounds so contradicting. When you guys make that statement, well in my experience, you all expect Black people to do cart wheels and double round-offs because you "claim" to have Black friends. Am I suppose to let go of the fact that you act like a racist because you "claim" to have Black friends? It's pointless to mention your Black "friends".

Doesn't make sense...

The two are irrelevant and that is what you guys misunderstand.

Answer 4

Because it's irritating and it proves how truly uncomfortable you are with us. Having a "black friends" is not proof that you are not racist. And what makes you think that all of us are paranoid enough that we really need to know this? Black people generally consider all of their friends to be FRIENDS, without the need to specify race or culture.

When a white person opens a conversation with statements like "I have black friends" or "I once dated a black person" or "I live near or work with a few black people", this tells us that they think all black people are only interested in talking about things that concern other black people - like our scope of understanding is that limited. If you are going to say something that ignorant and condescending, then yeah, that makes you just a little bit racist. Or maybe just really clueless.

Answer 5

It's just a matter of racism against blacks being an extremely sensitive subject here in North America. Because of what our ancestors went through, because of the Jim Crow laws that followed and the declining, but still racist nature that has followed us up until now, many black people still have extreme trust issues with white people.
Take me for example. I, like many black children, was raised by parents who had been discriminated against and were therefore not willing to accept white people. For example, my mother had a best friend when she was younger and the girl's mother was a friend of my grandmother's. One day, the girl told my mother she was moving. My mom was upset and asked why and she told her that her mother said "Too many ******* were moving in."
Some friendship my grandmother and that woman had. Apparently friendship wasnt as strong a proof against racism as she thought it was.
These stories and the stories and trust issues of many parents were instilled in their black children. It's a tumulous cycle but I think eventually it will pass. We have to put up with it because its the result of past mistakes. Sometimes we have to pay for other's mistakes.
Just please don't hate your friends for this. Just explain yourself and be patient with them. It's hard now, but just think its better than black/white relations 30 years ago. 30 years in future, just think how it might improve.

Answer 6

k, i'm white, but this is a silly way to prove you're not racist. prove it with the words you say. my boyfriend is black, but i will never mention this when questions about white people being racist are asked... because of one all the stereotypes about black men/ white women dating, and 2 it doesn't prove i'm not racist. you can still have racist assumptions and be friends with black/white/asian/arab/etc. people. and, you shouldn't feel like you 'have' to have a certain race of friends to not be a racist. sometimes it's just not possible. i have very few real friends. my two best are half white and asian and my boyfriend is black. none of my friends are mexican, but this doesn't mean i'm racist against mexicans. sometimes you might live in a place with very few people of different races... this doesn't automatically make you a racist.

Answer 7

Here's the thing...when a lot of black people say we have friends we dont say we have black or white friends..we just have friends. You dont need to clarify the color of your friends. If you are racist you wouldnt be bothered talking to that race anyways. Dont do that...its like you're trying to hard to please and make it a fact you arent racist. Just relax and be yourself. I dont go around telling my white coworkers I have white friends....I just got my girls: Black & White. And I got my partnahs: Black & White. See...black folks are more down to earth than ya'll give us credit for.

Answer 8

simply put, you dont owe your black friends any justification that you are not a racist. if that person is accepting of you as a friend, and you vica versa, then how many other black friends you have is insignificant...because your friendship is based on your comraderie, not on your skin. if we feel that way about you, why do you feel the need to justify feeling that way about us?

its a sensitivity issue. just accept a person as your friend, without the stress of implying that they are part of a "sect" of friends you have. no one likes to be catagorized...

Answer 9

I see why you have problems. You talk to black people like we're all the same person. What person likes that? I wouldn't care if your friends have purple and pink polka dots on them. They are YOUR friends, not mine, and I couldn't care less.
Are you trying to prove a point?

Answer 10

Why do you feel the need to clarify the color of your friends if not provoked? That speaks louder than words.