what would u do?

Question

My husband is in the military there are several details to this i don't have time to tell such as may 14 mothers day two months after getting residency green card he left me had dometic dispute and said if it happened again he could go to jail and loose his greencard. Well july he ran into the military he is 35 myself 30 he wanted to get his citizenship faster 1 yr instead of 7 the military will give him that after 1 yr of service Well he was allowed a 5 min call home we argued he said i don't need you anymore the military is taking care of my process! He never invited me 2 basic training graduation which he couldn't have had if i didn't help legalize himand i was the one he didn't invite!! after he got in ait where he is now he can call on nights and weekends has a cell phone i have called him almost everyday he never answers sometimes hangs up on me he never calls his 2 yr old daughter or my 7 yr old it is really discusting and it is hard for me to move on without him telling me WHY

WITHOUT HIM AT LEAST SAYING WHY HE IS TREATING ME THIS WAY IT IS DRIVING ME NUTS I HAVE NO CLOSURE i feel totally used and don't understand why he doesn't appreciate all i have done for him instead

Answer 1

You were totally used honey, drop it and move on.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that happened to you. I dated a foreign national also and that is a worry I had myself at the beginning that the guy is only with you for a green card. But anyway, I feel that you already sort of in a way got the reason why he left you; is to get a green card. That really sucks, but I guess that is how he feels. I can't really understand why a man would leave his wife and kids in order to pursue a green card, I somewhat feel it may be a little more than that, it may be that he found someone else who he doesn't want to know that he is married with kids; that is what I think. I have been somewhat in a situation when I guy left me without an explanation and I thought I did everything right to make it work. But sometimes people will be cruel and mean like that I don't understand why. Just live your life with your kids and start over afresh, because you are going to be better off without him anyway, especially if he is abusive (from you saying there was a domestic dispute), this may be bad of me to say, but you should press charges and get his a$$ deported! But anyway, there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to treat you so much better!! REMEMBER THAT!

Answer 3

Sounds like you've already figured out what he is up to and you are moving on.

Good for you!

But you are wanting closure from him to show you that the relationship is really over, and you want him to explain himself - to tell you WHY he didn't love and appreciate you.

Here's the hard part:

He probably won't do that. What he has done so far have been the actions of a coward, so it is unlikely that he will find the courage to face you, admit what he did, and tell you why.

And you know what: If you wait on him doing that you are giving power to him; power over you. You are saying that he is in control of you moving on. Please don't do that, becuase you will never be able to control his actions and he'll never do what you want him to do - I promise.

Do this instead: Throw a party, just you and your friends and your family, and make the theme of the party "Dumping That Stupid Jerk"... or something to that effect, and make that the official date of 'closure'. That way, YOU pick the day and time, YOU are in charge of the process (rather than hoping that he someday does it) and YOU will have a date to look back on and know that that was the day YOU said it was over.

Do you understand what I'm getting at?

Put yourself in charge, take him out of the equation. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll start getting over thim.

It is gonna take a while though - so give it time, be nice to yourself, and accept help from friends and family (if available).

You'll be OK.

Best of luck Boooobi

Answer 4

Your 2 year old daughter does not even begin to know about getting a cell phone call, so hopefully you are not dragging the kids into this.It sounds to me like you were used for the green card like so many other men and women have been. You need to move on and be a good strong role model for your children. Maybe at some point, their father will attempt to come back into their lives.Don't bad mouth him, or they will turn on you also.There are alot of things in life that don't seem fair or we can understand, but you have to accept them and move on. Remember the Serenity prayer.

Answer 5

marriage should never be one sided, why should it be you loving him and him not showing signs of loving you. For a man not to call you means he doesnt miss you, for a man not to miss you, means you dont hold a place in his heart. Worse still, he doesnt even bother to invite you for graduation & wont even ask about his child. My sis, no matter how painful it is on your part, just ask him to get to the point, ask him if he wants a divorce. I know it can give you sleepless nights but it will be for the better if you simply tells you where you stand, i wont conclude to say he doesnt love you anymore, because maybe he just doesnt realise that you both need each other. if he says he doesnt love you, move on and survive. Its mostly likely he has another woman. Be strong and stay blest. Your kids need you!!

Answer 6

Some people have their own agendas and are heartless. Sounds like this guy played you like a violin. Learn from the situation and move on for yourself and for your children. Let go of the emotional baggage. Closure is overrated.

Answer 7

no offence intended hon, but it sounds like that is exactally what he has done. Perhaps that he came to america, married you and had a child to simulate a real life, in order to get his green card, but he found out a quicker route and he's jumping on it. He personally sounds like a real jerk, and you don't sound like a woman who should be putting up with that. If he doesn't want to be a part of your childrens lives, that makes him a prick, not you. My father never wanted to be a part of mine and my brothers lives, and he left my mom, but she never bad mouthed him, not once my whole life. He continuted to dissapoint me though out my life, my mother never made excuses for him. Just try and hang in there, sounds like you have a bumpy road ahead of you. You'll be in my prayers, take care and good luck.

Answer 8

sorry to be the bearer of bad news sister, but you were used.
nothing you can do but get up, get out and don't look back.
I know you would like him to tell you well it was because of this or that but the truth is does that really matter? I know you love him but he doesn't love you. you have children to think about and your not getting any younger. it will not be easy but forget him, and try to find somebody who will appreciate you for who you are and will help you raise those babies. best of luck

Answer 9

if you start getting a divorce now it could and probably will mess his legalization up with the government and he might get it through the military only if he lasts tht long he might even have to go back to his country before he is legal LOL

Answer 10

He's treating you this way because he used you to stay in the country. Get a lawyer, get a divorce and get child support. He's a user. You deserve better, and can do better.

Answer 11

WHEN ARE PEOPLE GOING TO LEARN!!! The Internet has made it easier than ever for people who want a GREEN CARD to find gullible people in the US to fall in LOVE with them so they can get citizenship. WHEN are we going to stop selling out our country for a quick piece that will be gone as soon as they get in the US. WISE UP PEOPLE it ain't LOVE its the USA and all our benefits and privileges they want not YOU!!!