Should I stay?

Question

My husband and I have been married 10 years, together for 13. He has a condition he takes medication for. If he doesn't take it, he gets abusive (never struck us, just called names and yells). We have two boys under 10, and I hate that they see it, too. I keep his medicine full, and in a good place for him to take it, but sometimes he forgets, and when he gets home, he gets mad a little things, and starts yelling and calling me names. When I get upset back at him, it's all my fault. Our children see this, and I hate it. My husband is a hard-working man, a great father and wonderful most of the time, but I can't stand to see this happen again. I just don't know if leaving is the solution.

He's not manic nor bi-polar. He has a condition known as Hyperthyroidism, in which the body supplies too much of a metabolic hormone and the whole body gets out of whack. His is a severe case, as he's been treated at 15, and it was fine up until about 6 years ago, when it started up again. He took radioactive iodine, and it was supposed to kill it all together, but it came back.

Answer 1

I agree with some of the other answers given, but not completely. Your husband does need to accept responsibility for his actions. Only, it is not the yelling I am referencing. He should do everything within his power to make sure he gets his meds. If he were to be the loving father and caring husband you claim him to be, then this would be high on his list of priorities. It sounds as though this happens enough that it has become a serious grind on you, and may have a profoundly deep impact on the psyche of your children. So much so, that they may inturn think it is okay to do what daddy does when in relationships themselves.

You should sit your husband down, have a good long talk with him, and explain to him the impact his forgetfulneess or aloofness could possibly have, or worse yet does have on you and his children, and their possible mates later in life. This is important, and he needs to make sure he understands that. And if he is to continue forgetting to take his medication, then he needs to forget a life with you and the children in it!

Answer 2

From what you say, he is fine most of the time except for when he forgets to take the medicine. You can perhaps find a product that will remind him to take his pills - here is a link to a few of them to consider - and perhaps make sure the boys understand that it is a medical condition that causes the problems.
13 years is a long time to be together and so if you can find a way to save the relationship - with the pill reminder perhaps - you can make it another 13 years without all the drama. Good luck to you!!

Answer 3

As best as you can ignore this behavior. If you see that this is his mood for the day, take the children and go to the park, the mall, to a friends. Just get out of the home.

You are not your husbands mother. It is not your job to make sure that he takes his meds. It is your job to make sure that your children have a safe and happy home.

If you leave for the evening and come home right before the kids have to go to bed a few times, he will get the hint.

Nagging, complaining and whining will not work. Actions always speak louder then words. By leaving the home for the evening, you will keep your self and your children happy.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I don't know what his condition is but it sounds like he might be bi-pol er or manic depressant, am I right? If he is then you need to insist that he take his medication. People with this condition take it for a while and decided on their own that they don't need it, so they stop taking it and become violent.

What your children see now will effect their relationships in the future. If they see you allow this to happen now they will allow it later in life in many other situation.

Leaving right now may not seem like the best thing to do, but maybe removing yourself and your children from the out breaks when they happen might help. It is much like when a child is throwing a tantrum, if we give in they do it again, but if we discipline their behavior they don't try it as often.

The next time he refuses to take his medication tell him simply that you are not going to expose yourself & your children to his abusive behavior. Go to a family members or friends house untill he calms down. If he continues this behavior, stay the night somewhere else and tell him you are not coming back untill he takes his medication.

If you are just telling him your going to leave and don't that will not change him at all, but if he is truly the good father and husband you say he is when he is on his medication, he will think about it. Each time this happens remove yourselfs from the house, after a while of doing this he will see that his bad behavior is not going to be tolerated and he will take his medication.

Talk to his doctor and ask the doctor not to tell him what is going on, if you ask the doctor not to tell him he won't. Maybe his medication is to strong and causing him to feel worse when he takes it. There is also the issue of being told he needs the medication to begin with. If he does have this disorder the last thing he wants is to be told that.

You have to do what is best for your family and living like this is not what is best. A friend of mine is living with a person in her family that has this disorder and they do not tollerate it at all. If the family member refuses to take his medication he is not allowed to come home at all. Sometimes these people can behave much like a bully and you have to deal with them on that level.

Try removing your family from him and maybe after a while he will see that he does have to take his medications in order to be with his family. If after all this he still refuses, than you need to leave to keep your children safe. Good luck to you and may God bless you.

Answer 5

I think its time for a serious talk sounds like you need to put your cards on the table and tell. You did marry him with this condition and he is an adult but if he wants to remain in this marriage he needs to make more effort to take the medication as prescribed.
I have a brother who is bi-polar and he refuses to take his and he can be very moody. Its a terrible situation when the person will not help themselves.

Answer 6

Taking the meds has to be part of his routine. Maybe put it in the bathroom so he sees it when he brushes his teeth or something. Or every time YOU brush your teeth.

I think this is covered under for better or for worse. SURELY you can resolve this if he is an otherwise wonderful man. Leaving a marriage at this point is giving up too easily.

Answer 7

This is not intended to guilt you into thinking you should stay, but what comes to my mind if you do leave, then more than likely he will get (at the very least) visitation with your children. Who then would be around to help ensure he takes his medication so that nothing would happen to the boys?

Answer 8

If his behavior is due to mental problems you just have to ignore his outburst and all of you as a family need to go to the psychiatrist together so you can find some type of solution to his problem or he needs the meds may need to be upped in dosage so that he is calmer coming home...

Answer 9

in this case, I think you need to exhaust all your possibilities before you leave. You say he's hard-working and a great father, and to me unless all hope is lost and you don't LOVE him, you should stay. You can speak to a doctor, or even a marriage counselor. He should know exactly how you feel, and also what he's doing to the children. Give him a chance.

Answer 10

i would leave him espically if you don't want your children to seee this yes he might be a good and hard working man and no it is not his fault what is wrong with him but if you sons grow up seeing this then they might grow up to act like him and think well dad gets away with it so can we. i would get out now and get marriage counsling and get cousling for those kids so they now that this is not the way that a reltionship is suppose to be. yes you might love him now but in the end you will be thankful for what you have done.