Husband gets caught in lies about girls and web pages he has listed he is single on, goes on a business trip plans to have you join him then at the last minute claims he is going to be working and you find out he had the whole weekend off, comes home from trip and brings everyone a gift but the wife, stops kissing the wife and stops having sex. Whe asked why he has stopped these things he claims wife doesn't make the first move ever and thathe is tired of being accused of cheating. Wife never accused him of cheating she accused him of lieing. Please help, cuz I am about to lose my mind and I am lonely, the only person in the house he shows affection to is my daughter...However he has just bought me a new car, new PC, new hand gun and other stuff, but it is more like being with a friend, there is no affection at all.What is going on??
2007-10-30 01:20:50 · 30 answers · asked by swtlilblonde31 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a son from a previous marriage and a daughter from this marriage. My husband rarely shows any kindness or love to my son, but he is all about our daughter.
2007-10-30 01:50:54 · update #1
New hand gun huh? That's rather "daring" of him to give he wife a gun when he's most likely cheating on her.
I would suggest marriage counseling for you both. If he won't go, then go without him so that you can make a rational decision that is right for you and your daughter.
In addition, you referred to the child as "my daughter." If she is your daughter but not his biological child and he is affectionate with her while ignoring you, I would be VERY concerned about what's going on.
2007-10-30 01:25:11 · answer #1 · answered by kja63 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
sorry that you are going through all this. I kinda have my own issues, but being that you are married and have 1 child with him, I could try to explain my best for you. From 4 past experiences, the signs are there. All my good friends went through this, and the outcome was the same. They were getting cheated on but it took awhile to find out. And for him to seclude affection to your son, first, is wrong. But the daughter is his own and by showing more attention to one rather than the other, it could be easier for him to leave and only worry about her. If he does leave or whatever, basically you and your son from another man will just be there. But this is HIS daughter and that's how he probably sees it. As for not initiating physical emotion, he's a loser. It should always be there, that's why you got married. I honestly think he is getting affection somewhere else. But that's just me. Like I said, it NOT the first time I have seen this. Just be careful, and show BOTH your kids the same love.
2007-10-30 10:55:11 · answer #2 · answered by glennfiddich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The writing is definitely on the wall, you just need to read it. He has checked out. The most disturbing part is the online activity and traveling to meet other women. He is still there for the daughter but has otherwise moved on. It is not to say that he has entirely given up if he has not actually gone through with it on cheating. I would be very honest with him about what you know and present all proof and ask the same of him. If he has checked out and is a man about it he will be honest. I hope you find the truth and I hope you get to a good place with or without him. God bless.
2007-10-30 08:35:37 · answer #3 · answered by joe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously rocky territory. It's not over, but if this marriage is going to recover or revive, you might need mutual therapy (don't panic, these things can HELP).
Wife should make the first move sometimes though. All the rest appears to be overcompensatory guilt-relief (for him) and buying (literally) time -- and he's still warm to the daughter, always a good thing -- but that is a valid complaint.
Wife right now NEEDS to make a different first move -- find one or more marriage consultant in your area (ask friends, HR at work, the psychology dept. at your health clinic) and then have a heart-to-heart talk with the husband, find out if he wants to revive this marriage as well.
2007-10-30 08:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by Chipmaker Authentic 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say he is cheating... or he was cheating and that is why he is now buying you gifts. The only thing that makes me think he is not cheating is the fact that he bought you a hand gun. Unless he is a moron... the last thing I would buy a girl that I am cheating on is a gun. If you want a answer make the first move... attack him in the bedroom and try to rape him. If he is all for it... then he was telling the truth about you making the first move. If he stops you then he is cheating.
2007-10-30 08:37:50 · answer #5 · answered by L A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating. Men don't usually lie about going on a business trip, disappear, then come home as if he had been on the trip, just for you to find out he had the weekend off, unless he was with someone he shouldn't have been why lie. You need to gather up the courage to go. If for no other reason for the sake of your son. He will grow up feeling unloved with this man. How can you watch your son grow up being a cast out. If this man doesn't take him in as his own, you need to go and show him he is worth being loved wholeheartedly. Not that he is some uncared for left out kid, thats presense is just allowed and put up with. What a horrible existence for this child. It is your job and responsibility to protect and love this child. Don't let your need for love come before HIS need for love.
2007-10-30 09:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I went through this myself with my husband. The hardest thing is to get them to talk and admit what is going on which only succeeds in making you think you are losing your mind. Buying you gifts is his way of getting away with saying that he is still being affectionate when he really doesn't have to invest any emotion in purchasing things. Call his bluff. Tell him you love him but that he has to leave because he is not showing you respect by understanding why you feel the way you do and helping you to feel more secure. I know how painful this is but is it any less painful than living how you are? You didn't marry him to gain a companion. You wanted the man you loved as your husband. He is now neither of those things. Be strong and think about the messages that you are giving to your daughter by tolerating a man who bullies you psychologically...
Tracey x
2007-10-30 09:21:10 · answer #7 · answered by glastonburyrose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is kind of a loaded question. It appears that your (?) husband feels he is no longer having fun in the relationship. He is either cheating, checking out his options in case of divorce, or in some cases, is trying to get a jealous rise out of you that he hopes will spark what appears to be a stagnant relationship.
The gifts could either be genuine signs of caring and hoping that you enjoy them and show that back to him, or they could be what is known as "guilt payments". In other words, he feels guilty for something he has done, and feels the need to give you something in order to feel better about his bad deeds.
It's impossible to really know, because as in most relationships gone awry, most women don't talk about their own faults (I noticed you didn't mention the things you do for him). The talk shows on TV only point out the faults of the men. They rarely address what men need and crave in a relationship, which is often a woman that is loving and will care for them. But also a woman that turns them on (letting yourself go is a no no), initiates sex, and has them aching to get back home so that they can ravish her.
I would say the first thing you need to do is examine yourself to see how good of a wife you've been to him. Then, realize that you either need to change, or you need to have him hit the road.
2007-10-30 08:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by Roger 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't say for sure, but it sounds like he feels guilty about connecting with you because he's connecting with someone else. Yet, at the same time, he feels like he "loves you", and doesn't want to hurt you, so he's "making up for it" by buying you things. However, you cannot be bought. Tell him to wake up and smell the roses. You are a gift from God to him as a wife, and he needs to straighten up and start acting like it. It's time for you two to stop acting like you don't see the elephant in the room and make some serious decisions.
2007-10-30 08:32:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar situation just before my husband left. Chances are your husband is going through a crisis, cheating, or both. My recommendation - if you are wanting to work it out, that is - is to sit down and discuss your marriage with him. Find out what he wants out of your relationship, what you want out of your marriage, and how to best meet each other's expectations - or to at least find the best compromises. All healthy marriages need this on a routine basis to make sure you are both on the same page (especially if communication tends to lag at times). If you not making the first move is a big issue - ask yourself why this is and what are you willing to do to work on it. There are plenty of creative solutions to this particular problem once it is brought to one's attention.
The good old standby - counseling - is also a good place to start, but chances are he is already cheating or trying to free himself of the marriage to lessen the guilt so he can move on to someone else (and this someone else is most definitely already in the picture - men rarely leave their wives unless there is a 'sure thing' to move on to).
The most important thing you can do here is to prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best. Ask yourself how willing you are to fight for your marriage. It isn't too late to recover and rebuild.
Good luck!
2007-10-30 08:24:48 · answer #10 · answered by greyrider 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋