Adopted and foster parents,how old do you think a child should be to tell them or should you tell them?

Question

Actually mine never told me, but of course I found out and at a very young age,so then the only thing I could think of to do was to hide the fact I knew from them as long as possible. Tough job for a little girl! My foster mother died from cancer when I was about 9, and daddy, who to me was my daddy still never said anything except I would always be his little girl!

Answer 1

My situation is slightly different. I am 22 years old and for the last seven months my 7 year old cousin (who truthfully has always been more like my own little boy anyway) has been living with us (my mum, my fiance and I). We (me and my fiance) were finally granted full legal guardianship over him last month, and we couldn't be happier, as could he.
Obviously at his age he is aware of the full circumstances, and still sees his mother regularly (his father, thankfully is now off the scene), although she is prevented from being alone with him or his little brother, who is three and now lives with their grandmother (his older sister, 17, lives with my nan, their great grandmother).
I think the best way to handle this would be to tell the child simply what they are old enough to understand. Sit down with him or her when they are very young and tell them that the lady who carried them in her belly loved them but was not able to look after them, and that you loved them so much you chose them over all the other children who needed a mummy and/or daddy.
Then tell them that if they have any questions, they are free to ask them. Sooner or later as the child grows up, questions about the fostering/adoption process works and about where they came from will come, and the trick is just to be as honest as you possibly can while making sure they are able to understand.

Answer 2

It depends on the child and how easy it is for them to understand things. My daughters real dad left when she was born. My husband now adopted her. She is now 5 but she has never been lied to about her real father. But she has always been very smart so she completely understands. I think it is better for the child if they always know the truth so later in life they respect you for it and trust you more. tell the child as soon as you think they can comprehend it.

Answer 3

my sister & brother-in-law have 5kids between them and have adopted 9 more from new born up and in that household as soon as the little ones are able to understand facts they are told, although most knew very eariler some at 3-4 that they were being adopted no secrets in this family
In their church there are many familys who have adopted and this is how that all do it, and my sister ahs given talks to many new adopting parents on how to handle many subjects that come up
to me their all my nieces and nephews, i see no difference in them, love them all the same

Answer 4

im not adopted nor do i have kids but id think that the sooner the better cause theyre gonna find out sometime.. id say as soon as possible and explain that its okay and nothing to be ashamed of or sad about before they develope any preconcieved notions or stereotypes, you can teach a child and get them to accept anything if you do it early enough

Answer 5

Around 6 or 7 years old and then more information reinforcement over the coming years.

Answer 6

the best plan i ever heard was to have pictures of the birth mother and the raising mother in the child's bedroom - from infancy. telling the child that early that they have 2 mothers.


that way the child can ask wehn they want info, and there is NEVER a shock or feeling of betrayal.

Answer 7

I think that they should be told when they are old enough to understand. That would vary with each child but I would say school age.

Answer 8

I knew at age 3, I was told how much they had always wanted a beautiful, little girl for their daughter, and GOD sent me to them.It never bothered me at all, I felt special

Answer 9

AS, soon as you get them I would always say I picked you out especially for me.When they are tiny, just say ,the only difference, is you didn`t come out of my belly, It`s important to always be truthful to your child at any age,you can turn it to a positive thing.How can they trust you if you aren`t?

Answer 10

Nothing it's tit for tenets rule!
While going through the nourishment and well developed child care starting from infant to his/her marriage, contains following steps guidelines for her parents.
1.) Infant, Take care of appetites, Give general sense plus lots of love. Be a care taking parents upto the age of 4 years.
2.) As little child while joining to LKG, UKG edjucation before school, Be little strict parents and try to teach them primary discipline and primary rule.
3.) At the time of school, Continue the same little strick relations with lots of love until the 6th standerd of school. Try to identify your child's need and try to complete all desire upto this age.
4) From 7th grade Be more strick and try to push him to the path of career and goal achivement. Most carefully see that it should not deviate. Be little regular in your own parental life and avoid any misbehaviors infront of child.
5) from 7th grade to 12th grade keep the above stretagy applied.
6) After 12th. Hopefully, Good Career oriented and well cultured development and nourishment of your child. Be lighter and frank. Solve all his/her troubles and try to complete his/her genuine desires only.
7) Somewhare within half of his graduation level, Be a good friend of him/her. Make him/her frank to you that much enough to not conceal any hellen truth also, He/She should be able to explain the worse without any fear to you.
8) As a good friend, Identify his/her choice for Marriage partner, As per your family tradition and choice of your child find out good durable partner who compromise with both.
9) After marriage try to indulge his/her life upto they don't having a child of 5 years.
Then You can live your life, Now he/she is now independent. Now You may need His/Her help!!!!!
Yeah !! That is a tregady.