How do I get rid of an unwanted houseguest?

Question

My wife and I have recently had a baby and now we have her mother staying with us. We asked her to stay assuming she would stay a few days and help with household chores now that I am back at work. So far she's been with us over a week and plans to stay for two and she hasn't lifted a finger to help. In fact she's been acting like she's on holiday and treating the house like a hotel. My wife and I are sick of her but we are both too polite to tell her to leave. Any ideas on how to get her to go?

Answer 1

Hello and congratulations on the baby. As to Ma-in-law, you are going to be the bad b*stard in this case no matter how nicely you address this issue. So get used to it and just sit her down with a cup of tea or whatever and you and your wife together say, It has been wonderful to see you, but when we asked you to come, we had in mind you would be a help for XXXXX (I don't know your wife's name.. sorry) but it appears besides the burden of a new baby to get used to, we have you not contributing in ways that are helpful to our family. Unfortunately, we are too tired and too busy to continue like this, so either please help out with the chores (list the ones you had in mind) or we will have to ask you to go and to come back on a visit some other time when the rush is well and truly over. It sounds awful, I hate to be impolite myself, but by golly I think she is insensitive herself so I doubt I would pull my punches much. Just be sure to discuss your plan with your wife first, to be sure she is in accord with your plan. I would hate to see you being the one offside with both women. Providing your wife is in agreement of how to deal with this, do it. If she blows up and huffs and puffs, it would happen anyway. Better she be annoyed than to see you both run ragged with a new baby. Babies sense disharmony, a new mother's milk can dry up from stress and this is not good for your wife or the baby. Take care of your own family first.
Best wishes and good luck. I truly wish you all the joy in the world with your new baby. I have regretted many things I have done in life, but never for having had my children and loving them. God bless your little family.

Cheers

Lisa

Answer 2

Ok, you invited her without making the purpose clear or giving her a firm date to leave by, so she probably simply misunderstood why you were asking her to stay or for how long. However, you would think that anyone staying with new parents (esp a mother herself, and esp. esp. the baby's grandma!) would do what they could to help out!

Look at it this way - two weeks isn't that long and she could still offer a lot of help. Sit down to dinner together as soon as you get a chance and thank her for coming to help out. Tell her you really appreciate her being there to look after your wife while you are at work. Then your wife should say she that while neither of you want to take further advantage of her generosity too much, the best way she could help now would be to take care of the laundry/dishes/whatever for as long as she stays so that your wife can focus on looking after the baby and getting some rest when she can. Give her one or two specific tasks to be responsible for (but DON'T put too much on her) and she will be fine. Then tell her that in return for her kindness you would both like to take her out for a family dinner when you take her home on such-and-such date, at least a week away. This will put a clear ending-point on her visit, without making her feel rushed or unwelcome which could lead to resentment and/or embarassment.

Answer 3

I would let her stay, just like the other answer, it's not worth the possible problems. However, what I would do is just start giving mommy a few jobs. I would start asking her to do things to help. Just say things like "Hey mom, would you please cook the hamburger, or would you please vacuum the living room, or could you run to the store and pick up these groceries?", etc. She'll either stay or go at that point. She might really want to help and not know how to do it, or she may be the type of person who needs a bit of a push.

You can also ask her what day she plans on leaving because you'd like to have a nice, special supper and cake the night before she goes as a thank you supper. Lol. That might also get the point across.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately for your wife, it is her duty to tell her mother it is time to leave. She can tell her that she needs time alone with you and the baby and feels like she is concerned too much with her being there. And she appreciates her efforts but now she needs to be with her family (you and the baby). There are ways to tell people and some people don't take anything in a good way so you may have to deal with an offended person but that is her problem (the mother) not yours or your wifes.

Answer 5

I can imagine your condition. You can try out one of the following options:

1. Talk to your father in law in her presence and say that you have bought a return ticket for her on..day since days beyond that are going to be very difficult (festivals, holiday seasons etc.) and she is missing you a lot. Then get a ticket and arrage for her journey. Also give her a small gift in token of your appreciation and gratitude so that she will not go with an ill feeling.
2. Arrange a trip for all of you with the baby to her home (if it is not far of) and just return the next day after dropping her there.
3. Make someone from her home call her to say that her presence is urgently required back home and then arrange for her travel.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

Congratulations on your new baby. As for the Mother-in-Law issue it is time to be polite but direct and say you need time to spend together as a new family unit and that she needs to return home. Perhaps you can soften the blow by asking her back at a later time or saying you will visit her at Christmas. If you do welcome her into your home again be clear about how you would like her to contribute to the running of the household. New babies change everything...! All the best.

Answer 7

Simply, do not make your home so cozy and comfortable. Do not cater on her like your home is a hotel, and you can also talk to her about contributing to the housework because you have a new baby, and finally if she isn't getting the message ask if she can pay money towards the food bills, ask her to babysit so you and your husband can take a night off. Always be polite, she will get the message.

Answer 8

Pray and be polite because you dont know when she will actually be put in the position to really lift a finger and help. So just bare with her and when the time is near for her to leave make a nice meal and say "Mom we thank you for your company"and we realy need some bonding time as new parents.

Answer 9

I think you should both sit down with her and thank her for all the 'help and support' she's given you and that you'd like to get back to normality i.e living as Mum, Dad and baby as soon as possible. Buy her some flowers and offer to drive her home and set the date, maybe the weekend at the latest. This way relationships will still be sound and you won't feel bad for asking her to leave.

Answer 10

It is not about being rude it is about the truty. If your wife is afraid to talk to her mom then you all do it together. Tell her that you all are ready to spend some time together alone and give her a date to be gone. If she won't take that just tell her it is time to go because she hasn't helped. No matter how you put it what she is going to hear is you all are putting her out.

But for the sake of your happiness do what you must. Make sure you all stand united so she won't feel that you put her up to do it.