Boyfriend is going to dump me for cutting?

Question

I'm a cutter. I have been in a relationship with someone who got me to finally put the kinfe down... but I recently started up again and told him so (he's 600 miles away for another year for school)... he's pissed cos I told him several months ago I wouldn't do it but I had lost touch with reality one night recently when I couldn't reach him (he was at work and couldn't have his phone on him so he couldn't get back to me in what I thought was due time). I'm terrified if I lose him he'll find someone right away and will never want to be with me again. I'm scared I'll never find anyone else. He can't handle my jealousy or self injury, and I said I'd change... its only been two days though. What can I do??? I want this relationship!!!

Answer 1

He sounds like a bastard to me. He won't help you now and he never will. If hes running from this he'll do the same thing throughout his entire life and probably leave u later over something else. As far as the cutting goes it takes a complete life change to get over it and away from it. You have to be willing to change yourself to get away from it, become someone else, become the things that you have wanted to be. If your not happy with life then change it.

Answer 2

I was in the EXACT same place as you a few years ago. I stopped cutting. But what I did realize is b/c my boyfriend was so far away and I was in college and when he didn't pick up or what ever the reason I would cut to get his empathy and attention.
I'm 25 years old and am in school to become a psychologist. It's not worth it. There are soo many times where my first defense and my only way I know how to cope is to cut myself but I then remember that I am in control and I have a choice. I can do something else instead of cut. The one thing that helped me was to know I was empowered and in control of my own body.
Cutting feels good. Dissociating feels good when things get painful. But the scares are not worth it. And in reality, cutting doesn't do a dam thing.
Your boyfriend loves you and it is too painful for him to watch you get hurt. Maybe sometimes you cut and tell him to see how he will react to test if he loves you. He loves you so much that it pains him to hear you are hurting yourself. No need to have him prove it to you. You need to learn other tools to cope with painful events and express yourself.
E-mail me if you need anything

Answer 3

First of all, to all of you who have berated her for what she is doing, you don't know the first thing about the illness! Stop being mean and try to understand. People always hate what they don't understand!

As for you girlie, I know what you are going through. I go through the same feelings sometimes. I know it seems like it makes you feel better but its short term with nothing to gain but scars. I have lots of scars and have to try to hide them. My husband hates it when I do it too. But if you explain to him how you feel and what makes you turn to the knife, maybe you can work out some kind of plan. Maybe he can check in on you at a certain time each night. Or have his phone on him between certain hours or on a break so you can call.
We are an emotional and needy bunch and need men who can understand that.
Also, you should talk to your PsyDoc or if you don't have one, please consider it. Cutting is dangerous business and it needs to be treated very soon! There are meds out there to help you deal with the anxiety and stress you are feeling. These things trigger the urge to cut.
Good luck and please talk to someone.
p.s. it is possible that your boyfriend is just frustrated with the fact that you are reverting back to cutting. he may be threatening to break up because he doesn't know what else to do. help him understand what you need to feel secure in the relationship. if he is unwilling to work it out with you and understand, then he is not the right guy. And if you're like me, thats hard to hear cuz breaking up with anyone...even the wrong guy hurts more than you can imagine. We feel these things more intensely than most.
Take care! :)

Answer 4

Show him you are making an effort to change and this time, follow through with it. Enroll in counselling. Go see a doctor. (psychology) Show him, this time, you are taking steps and you are serious.

Long distance relationship isn't for everyone. If you can't handle it, you can't expect your boyfriend to do the same. So... take a positive step yourself.

It's not easy, I know. You have a difficult problem with yourself. You need to solve it first before you can be a good friend to someone else.

Answer 5

cutting is NOT sexy!! Do you think that guys want to look at a mangled, scarred up chick that has issues that she's too afraid to face and deal with like an adult?? NO!!! You need to figure out what's wrong with you by talking to a PROFESSIONAL and not just going cold turkey. You've got some deep-seated issues and obviously you're not strong enough to deal with them on your own. If you want any kind of relationship, you've gotta fix the relationship with yourself first!! Why is it that people think they can self medicate, self-diagnose, and self treat? It never works!! You love this guy?? He sounds like he's got a level head, since he has no desire to carry around YOUR excess baggage. Drop the luggage, go see someone, gain a little maturity and realize that EVERYONE has problems of some sort. You think you have problems? you think you have it so bad??? Try on someone else's problems for a day. I guarantee you'll welcome your miserable life with open arms, and learn that it's NEVER so bad that you can't deal with it. I don't intend to sound mean, I just don't like sugar-coating things so that people think that what they're doing wrong is "ok". You want pity, look in the mirror. that's the only place you're gonna find it.

Answer 6

You should have been in that relationship whom manage to make you put the knife down. There's no point hurting yourself for another. It's not gonna make him love you more, but it'll make your partner think that you're immature. So learn how not to be a cutter, but love stronger, and then he'll come back to you. Convince that you're a strong person to him. Not all guys like girls who cut themselves. Take care =)

Answer 7

im not really in the same sort of situation..but a little.

i became kind of like an alcoholic..all i wanted to do was get drunk all the time it was all i cared about..and my boyfreind was striaghtedge..he told me he relaly couldnt handle watching me drink and stuff and that i had to either choose him or drinking. i mean it was ahrd..but i knew i loved him more than drinking..and now i jsut think drinking is annoying and the people that do it ..binge dirnking and such..just seem immature to me. He really helped me to grow up and i am SOOOOO happy i choose him instead of the drinking..i mean i did lose some stuff..my firends at the time were getign drunk non stop..and we werent as close after that..but me and my boyfriend are best friends and we love eahcother more than anything. i relaly feel like he saved me. i mean it may be hard..but if you love him i would try to give up the cutting and stay with him..you may really want to sometimes..but i think in the end if you give that up..and just stick with him you will be alot happier and happy because of your choice.

Answer 8

This site has a lot of useful links:

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/cutting.html

Also, consider giving this number a try...

Self Harm Hotline

1-800-DONTCUT

Help for "cutters"

Answer 9

Get lots of paper and Flair pens. Every time you feel like cutting, DRAW! Draw what you are feeling. Save it up as a document: it may even make you a lot of money some day.

Answer 10

I think he should dump you. I wouldnt mind having a gf who was an ex cutter. If she gave me her word not to do it again, I'll be more than happy to spend my lifetime with her. But she breaks that promise, she's outta my life. If she cant value her own life, then i cant value hers. I dont wanna get emotionally hurt for someone who is unstable.