Should we pay child support? I just want to know what other people think… here is the story:?

Question

My husband had a child 7years ago with a girl. We have my stepson 4days a week, she has him 3, Tue, Wen, Thr, not the weekends! She has to party. She has anther son by anther guy, he has custody, but she gets the kid a few days a week. That guy gives her money to help her out. She just had anther baby by anther guy, well she is still testing guys to find the Dad but she thinks she knows who it is. She is 30 & has never worked a day in her life. She feels a Mom should be home with her kids, I’m all for that if she was home with the kids! So she was never married to my hubby, we have no custody agreement, We pay for everything, she has brought us receipts for $6 before b/c she wanted to buy him something & felt we should pay. We cover all medical, school, anything and everything. In our state it’s 50/50 if we have him 50% of the time. We have him more so technically she should be paying us! BUT she has been demanding that we pay her support! What do you think we should do?

Answer 1

i think you know that this mother is unfit, i think you should file for custody and then make her pay you . if you dont have a court order to pay child support , you dont have to pay , but you should get an order or get custody , or she will go get it and you will be liable for back child support since the child was born OUCH!

Answer 2

If you live in the US…

Don’t count on the fact that if it goes to court she’ll be paying you. She may not, even if you have the child one day more a week. In fact, there is a chance hubby may be ordered to pay her.

In most states, in a case of joint custody, child support is based on the income of both parents. Since she’s not working the court should use an imputed income for her--the amount of money she could reasonable earn if she did work, which IF she has no education, no job skills, no experience, etc. would likely be minimum wage. So, if they calculate her income at $7.00 an hour and your husband makes $15 an hour (I’m just using random numbers to give an example)….he’s making twice as much as her, so he *might* be ordered to pay her some child support. Of course, the court takes other things into consideration too, but it’s not based merely on how much time the child spends with each parent.

With that said, I wouldn’t voluntarily give her a dime. Hubby needs to go to court and get a custody order in place and an order for child support that includes things such as who pays what percent for clothing, medical care, etc.


EDITED TO ADD THIS:

Since others have mentioned back support---frankly, I wouldn’t let that scare me. I think chances are slim a judge would order anyone to pay back support (other than back support through the date of filing). This is not a case where one party didn’t know where to find the other, and if Mom or Dad wanted court-ordered child support, then it was their responsibility to file for it. So, if they failed to do that…. The exception to that would be if Mom or Dad has received government assistance for the child, because in that case the money is due back to the state.

And as far as petitioning for full custody…just be aware the fact that you have the child one day more a week will not be a factor in the decision…it’s only one day. And the court is not concerned with what Mom does when the child is not at her home. She can party all she wants, as long as she’s only doing it on ‘her’ time.

I’d really suggest that you speak with a local attorney. Many will offer a free initial consultation.

Answer 3

Do this child a favor and get a custody arrangement established through the court system. Since she refuses to take the child on weekends, and you have the child more, file for primary physical placement. This means the child's home is with you and she has visitation. She will be the one ordered to pay child support, not you. And I"m not saying this to be mean. I'm saying it as a social worker, who sees first hand how these arrangements leave a child feeling like a ping pong ball. Children need stability and mom seems a little "flighty" to say the least. She has no means of support, she tailors visitation around her finding a new daddy days and it's just a mess. And you can do this without the help of an attorney who will charge you an arm and a leg. But you need to follow these directions to a "T":
1) Go to your state's website and find the county in which you reside.
2) Click on their circuit court access icon
3) Click on down-loadable forms (they are free)
4) Find a form, under family court, called "Order to Show Cause"
5) Print it up (print 2 or 3 copies in case you make a mistake) and fill it out to the best of your knowledge (request primary physical placement with periods of secondary placement(visitation) going to the mother
6) Get the paperwork notarized (any bank will do it for free)
7) Take and make 4 copies
8) Go to your county courthouse, seek out the clerk of courts and tell them you want to file custody papers and get a court date
9) The clerk will take the copies, date stamp them, keep one and give you back three with a court date on them. (You will pay a filing fee, usually $50 - $100 depending upon where you live)
10) Take the three copies down to the local sheriff's dept. and tell them you need to serve someone.
11) They will have you fill out a form, make you pay the process server's fee (usually $25 - $50), take two copies and leave you with one
12) They will serve her one copy and send you back another as proof of service
13) Take your copy and the proof of service to court at your court date.
14) The judge will ask you for proof that she was served, and you hand her the copy the sheriff's dept sent you.
15) The judge will hear your request, give the mom opportunity to respond and make a decision.
16) If the mom refuses to agree, a social worker and guardian adlitem(child's attorney) will be brought in to evaluate the situation.
17) If that happens, case studies are done on both households, the child, the parents and you to see what is in the best interest of the child
18) They'll write a recommendation and the judge will rule on it.


It sounds rather complex hon, but it truly isn't and this needs to be done before that child gets any older. He/she deserves a place to call home, and being that you seem to be the responsible party, it should be with you. And from what you wrote, if there are no surprises you haven't disclosed, more than likely, it will be with you.

Good luck and remember, you CAN and should do this.

Answer 4

7 years ago there should have been a custody agreement and support hearing. Yes I think the woman deserves child support. And I am the mother of a 7yr old SD as well as a mother to a child whose father by his choice chose not to see her. In most states if the father has insurance through his job or holds it on his family they are liable for having it on the child and all non covered medical expenses are 50-50. As for support. Support is to help the parent support the child. This means if there are 4 people living in the home its to help pay 25% of food, 25% of electric and so forth it is NOT just to give the child everything it wants. Anything that you are buying the child is considered "seperate" then child support. Now get this, IF the mother files for support your husband will be held responsible for 7 yrs back support because there is NO proof anything was given as "child support". If you feel she is unable to care for the child properly tell your husband to man up and get custody

As for her having other children thats not your business. So why did you put that on here trying to make her look bad by saying "she is still testing guys"?

I'd also like to add my husbands ex gf mother of his child is also not working. Where she gets her money we only assume. However we know that the support for his child is allowing the mother to keep a roof over the childs head and food in her belly and even when we have her 70% of the time we still pay so the child has a home to go back to

I should mention in regards to the back support that happened to my nephew. He was with the child everyday (not 100% its his but he signed the BC) bought the child everything as the mother stopped working in her 7th month. Paid all the medical bills even the house bills for this girls parents (who also did not work) and the girl and baby resided with them. He sent her 200 dollars a week via money orders when he moved away thats 800 dollars and we all know it doesnt take 800 dollars a month to raise a baby (this one was on state aid by this time) they went to court and the court would not accept the copies of the money orders from the company who issued them because it was paid to the mother PRIOR to a court order. He was then ordered to pay back support from the day the child was born.


Personally before you give her any more money I say make up an agreement and each time you give her cash have her sign a piece of paper from a reciept book that says "this is considered child support"
By the way youve posted this same question 3 times..Nothing better to do?

Answer 5

First mistake... you don't have a custody agreement! Why would you ever open yourself up to this kind of legal disaster?!? Take action, get an attorney and make things official! Some people will tell you that this making it legal is a bad idea if you're working it out but do you realize that you and your husband are putting yourself in legal jeopardy if something ever happens to his son while he's in your care? You also don't have a leg to stand on if she decides to up and go. Yes, fathers have rights but you have to pursue them!

It goes even deeper than that. In many states, since there was no legal custody documents, even with your husband paying for support, unless he can account for the support (I mean a check written every month, same amount, same day) his ex-girlfriend can actually go back on him and get back child support?!? This could end up to be in the thousands!

Talk with a child custody attorney soon! For yours, your husband's and your stepson's safety.

Answer 6

Put your differences aside and do the right thing. The child should not do without if your husband has the means to provide. Even if the mom is less than ideal it is important to lead by example.

The child will one day grow up and have a very clear understanding of what went on and it will one day come back around to bite his mom in the butt. I guarantee it.

In the meantime, work with the mom in setting some ground rules and trying to work on getting her to be more open, honest and responsible. As a last resort, if that fails, take the matter to family court and allow them to decide who should pay for what and settle the matter once and for all.

Answer 7

I would be taking her back to court,, here in Illinois.. all we needed to do was take a notebook and log everything... when you pick the child up when you take him home what you buy and keep receipts,, and if you have a lawyer give it to him and let him take care of the rest... thats what we had to do.. and it actually worked... it worked well enough that now we have custody of his daughter.....
Good luck!!!!

Answer 8

I don't think that you should pay her. She should take care of him a little more. I agree that you need to get a lawyer and go to court for full custody. He needs a stable home and he is not getting that with her.

Answer 9

Let her take you to court, or beat her to the chase and go for primary custody of his daughter. Seeing as he already has her the majority of the time he might not have any problem getting it.

Answer 10

as frustrating & inconvenient as child support authority are if you're not going through them, i suggest you do. either way keep reciepts for everything, things specific for the child & including groceries, fuel taking him to her, small treats birthday stuff EVERYTHING!!!! keep a log/diary of when you have him, days & hours, make notes about if she was late picking him up, dropping off or late/not ready for you to pick up or drop off, keep tabs on EVERYTHING, if you give her cash, make sure you get reciepts (chances are thats not going to happen) so put it in her bank account, that way you will have reciept, don't give her cash even if its only $2, etc
give this to CSA you may just find you've paid too much!!! she's gunna fall over soon enough, those other dads are gunna wake up too. women like that give me the sh****, & give good mum's & esp good single mum's a bad rep!!!!
personally they shld be spayed!!!