I have a 3 year old, how do I get him to behave, listen, do what he's told when he's told..?

Question

He is in preschool & is the only child. Last week I got a call from his teacher who is going to start enforcing time outs with him because sometimes his behavior is disruptive. What do I do?? He is still so young!! I dont want any more problems..

Answer 1

First - not that this is a cop out - but part of it is his age. I have a 3 year old boy too. Basically, you have to get back to the fundamentals. What has worked for us is to re-enforce the positive things he does - make a big deal out of it - as opposed to always recognizing when he is doing wrong. Kids love and seek our praise. We started a chore chart of simple tasks to help reward good behavior. He gets to put a sticker on every time he does one and once the chart is full he gets something he has been wanting. Make sure there are enough squares that encourage repetative good behaviour before the prize - not 5 squares and a prize every week that is not realistic.
Next to the chore chart we have the list of house rules (all low on the wall, at his level). Ones like - use your manners, no talking back, clean up your messes, be nice, no interrupting - etc. When he starts to break a house rule, we remind him of what they are and warn him that continuing will cost him a sticker off the chart - and even longer until he gets his "prize". Kids also love independence and the ability to make choices for themselves. If his school uses time outs, you need to enrich that discipline at home. I know he is your baby - but he is not too young for discipline and order and quite honestly he is looking to you to give that to him - if you can't/won't he will run rampid because there is no incentive to be any other way and you are allowing it.

Answer 2

I have the same problem. My 3 year-old son will be put in a corner almost everyday by his teacher who constantly complain about my son's behaviour who is very active & playful. In short, its hard to keep him still for more than a few minutes. But instead of punishing my son, I asked the teacher what he expects from my son? That he sits very still or & quietly for long periods of time? I'm sure they will like that. Better still, if my son is dumb or deaf? It will surely make the teachers' job so much easier, wouldn't it?

I know my son is quite the explorer but whenever I take the time & effort to explain logically to him, he will understand. So, if my son is a problem, I calmly suggested to the teacher that perhaps they should look for another profession as children will always behave like children. Needless to say, they were much more co-operative the next time...

Answer 3

Each child is different. You need to know how to make your child take you seriously. I dont' tolerate rolling eyes, whining, sarcastic tone of voice, ignoring, nothing. Now my child is 7 and will try these things and I am all over it. For her at 3 years old what worked was being distant from me... so time outs worked, but sometimes they are too abstract for kids. Often what works at that age before you can reason with them, is to say nothing. When she was three, I would often see her do something rude and I would walk out of the room, go to her room and get her favorite toy and put it on the fridge. If she freaked out I would wordlessly go back to her room and take another toy. If she grabbed my leg to stop me, I would calmly say, let go or I take another one. If she threw herself in frong of me, I stepped over. Once your child takes you seriously... than it is easier. My child did try it all I think. But non emotion and no talking really works best, even still at her age. Expainations are for calm moments later on. And OMG, if my child EVER gave problems at schoo!!! OMG, I think she would be scared to come home. For her, when I get silent, she pays very good attention. I dont' spank. I dont' yell. but I do take action and she knows that I will follow through.


On the up side, when you have children that are well behaved, you have more fun time. the more fun time and rewards they get, the more they feel part of the family and are happier to be nice to you. Same for chores. Chores are amazing to make them feel useful, and like they contribute. She started with cleaning up one toy at 10 months old, and now is able to do alot of chores.

Answer 4

This includes with discilpline. I believe that in preschool, a child is old enough to be taught right from wrong! Don't be afraid to punish him for bad behavior, but remember to balance that out with reward for good behavior. It is never too early to instill respect in your child, especially at school. Remember to be fair! If you do, your child will respect you for it when he is older. Don't be abusive or too leinient!

Answer 5

What I do for my child is that if he does something bad or negative because he is testing boundries I than tell him to stop and why he can't do it. And if he does it again I than tell him to stop and I walk him over to the Time Out area and make him sit for a min without toys, juice cup or anything.

If he continues to do that I than pat his backend and I take what he is being bad away from him, he does a time out and gets all of his toys away from him. If than he still does it he gets punished....The worse thing in the world for my son is a nap. He can't stand them. He knows that when he goes to bed and its not the normal bed time than he has done something bad and he hasn't ever done that bad thing twice

Additionally, after everytime he does something bad he has to say Sorry and give the person it was directed to a hug and/or a kiss so he is use to apologizing. In my house if any of my kids hurt or touch another child without reason (i.e. defending themselves) they know that is an automatic nap time.

After each event either myself or both my husband and I talk to the child and tell him in simple words that he understands why he was punished/in trouble and that what he is doing can be hurtful. We also tell him what could happen if it gets worse.

Additionally, I make sure my childrens day is structured down to the min. And they know if they did something good that day or they didn't get in trouble because during free time I will do something special that we don't normally do. Such as we play with a special toy they don't normally get to play with or we get to go outside and run around like chicken with its head cut off or we will get to make a special treat like fruity freeze drink with ice, juice and fruit. My kids think fruit is like candy and a special treat because they don't get junk food.

Basically, a friend told me to run my house like bootcamp....make sure you tell them what to do at every moment....once they get use to that and see when they do something good they get a reward and you let them have their own time.

Good luck! :)

Answer 6

Children this age are trying to explore their world. They have to be taught boundries, like not taking another's toys or bitting. One way to do that is with time outs. Take time to talk to his teacher and reinforce appropriate behavior at home.

Answer 7

the issue here is making rules for him and sticking to them consistently. He has to learn the limits and that is the only way to do it. It is not easy, and it is a lot of work, but that is what being a parent is about.

Answer 8

he's missing you. and wants attention. does he act like this at home? cause if he does he needs a good swat on the butt. and no its not child abuse. I work for law enforcement and spanking is not against the law like everyone thinks it is. just don't use an object like a belt or kitchen spoon. a open hand on the bottom is fine.

Answer 9

Have you not done anything discipline wise at all? He's 3 not 13 months