I have a daughter who is eighteen years old ,In her senior year in School and chooses to date a black and certain members of my family think I should disown or throw my child out.I brought my children up not to be racist.I have accepted what my daughter wants in life and go on . My family seems to be the one who want to judge .Should I disown them? I dont want to.But ever parent protects there children and I will put my child first before them . Is that wrong?
2007-10-29 12:01:29 · 31 answers · asked by little district girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Some of the family members even went as far as saying they arent happy with it dont want to see her with the guy and if they do see her with him they will ignore her.They use the N word which I Hate ! I cant handle them dogging her . Like shes trash.
2007-10-29 12:25:56 · update #1
you shouldnt disown anyone, just tell them to mind their business, but say it in a boston accent its funnier that way
2007-10-29 12:04:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Like it or not, that is one of the consequences your daughter will face if she continues this relationship. There are still plenty of people, both Caucasian and African-Americans, who do not consider themselves racist but do not support the idea of bi-racial marriage. It's a compatibility issue not a race issue.
This is not really a battle you can fight for her or protect her from; it may not seem fair but it is reality. The daughter of a dear friend of mine chose this path--she just knew that she & her bf would beat the odds and the stereotypes and be happy together despite the attitudes of the community and the disapproval from family members. She ended up pregnant by him and he chose not to be a part of the baby's life. She now has a beautiful bi-racial daughter and is dating a Caucasian man. Her mom was sharing with me some of the challenges she has already faced in dealing with odd looks, harsh remarks, etc. on top of having to put herself through school and work as a single mom. While your daughter and her bf are choosing this reality for themselves, any children they bring into the world won't have a choice about it, and may face some real tough times with their identities.
It isn't a question of right and wrong, it's just how it is. Maybe not how it should be in a perfect world, but we don't live in a perfect world. Your daughter needs to realize the consequences of the choice she is making, not only for herself and her bf, but for you, the extended family, and any children she may bring into the world as the product of this or another bi-racial relationship. Your family members are essentially trying to do for you (and her) the same thing you are trying to do for her--protect their family from being hurt. They see that her choice may very well lead to hurt and they would like to avoid that.
2007-10-29 19:34:50 · answer #2 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I firmly believe that by you supporting your daughter in what ever she chooses to do in life is the right choice. Even if that means standing by her side when other less open minded family members choose not to. I am 28, I have a 18 month old daughter, I am not married, part of my family is very strong Christian, they do not believe in children out of wedlock, surprisingly enough, I received only good words when I let them know I was having a baby on my own.
You do not have to disown your family that chooses to be ignorant, but I would make it very clear to them that you do not want to hear anything negative in regards to the situation, it is your daughters life and she may choose to do what she likes.
Good luck, I hope I have helped!
2007-10-29 19:08:59 · answer #3 · answered by Miss R 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No, that isn't wrong! How do YOU feel about her with this guy? Is he a good person? Does he treat her well? Is she happier with him around her? Do you have to pick sides?
Your daughter is now of legal age, but more importantly, if you feel that you've raised her well (and I'm sure you did), you should trust her judgement as well! In the end it's her decision because it's her life, and even if she ends up making mistakes or things don't work out, it'll be a learning process for her.
Without great risk, one will risk never finding great love.
2007-10-29 19:07:02 · answer #4 · answered by everfair 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a cousin who is dating a black guy as well and my family isn't too happy about it. When they make stupid comments about my cousin's choice I have quick witty responses to make them feel like asses cause they need to know thats what they are being. You are right to protect your daughter from your family. It's also important that you let her know how hard it is to be in interracial relationships. I am married to a Filipino and I'm a mix Irish and Mexican but I might as well be white cause most of them hate that I'm married to him. There are so many struggles but I wouldn't change it for the world! It's a hard road and be prepared to be that shoulder that she needs to cry out of frustration on because she will need you.
2007-10-29 19:27:12 · answer #5 · answered by loseit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your other family members that this is YOUR daughter and that if they 'don't like' her dating a black person that they are 'racist' ... but that they are family, and AS LONG AS they can keep their mouths 'shut' about their 'disapproval' you'll still continue to see them. Then let THEM decide whether to 'disown' your immediate family or not ... YOU will be 'in the right' but YOU won't have to do the 'disowning' and can then 'welcome them back' if they ever change their minds.
2007-10-29 19:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by Kris L 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Disown her? NO!
whats wrong with dating a back person? No offence or anything, but your family members are crazy. Its not fair. Ever heard of being equal? Whats wrong with it? Is he any different? I think that id you have brought up your daughter to not be racist the you should listen to what you said.
2007-10-29 19:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by little.miss.woods*comma*elle❀ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you're not wrong in putting your child first. And you are right to stand up against racism.
I wouldn't disown my family, but if they would disown me or my child over a racial issue, I would let them.
I would have done the same in 1920's Germany too...
2007-10-31 08:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by Bajingo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong that you would want to disown them.
But don't burn that family relationship you have with them.
If they persist with it, you should tell them that you just want your daughter to be happy and they should be happy for her. If they can't do that for her, they should find a new hobby other than your daughter's life.
They care for your daughter, but not in the right way.
Thank them for being concerned, but let them know that you know there isn't anything wrong with your daughter dating a black guy. If they can't back off, you and your daughter should hold ground. Its her life, and they shouldn't affect her happiness.
2007-10-29 19:05:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't listen to those family members. If they don't like it then that would be kind of racist. Let your daughter choose what she wants. But still, that doesn't mean you should just let her do it, find out more about the guy. Make sure he is nice and doesn't depend on your daughter for money. So, don't allow it because of his race, you should decide based on his character.
2007-10-29 19:07:16 · answer #10 · answered by Wilhelm G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your family is being disrespectful. Just tell your family that your daughters happiness is all that matters, as long as this guy respects your daughter and makes her happy nothing else should matter, it will take a while for your family to accept him, but they will eventually. My grandmother did not like my father, although my parents are of the same race, my grandmother did not want my dad around, but in the end, she was happy to call him her son-in-law. they will get used to it.
2007-10-29 19:07:29 · answer #11 · answered by мαяιтzα αяℓεηε 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋