How do you tell a 7 year old that mom is not invited to Dad and Step-Mom's Wedding?

Question

My fiance's ex wife is not invited to our wedding, any ideas on how we can tell his 7 y/o daughter that mommy is not invited to the event. She really wants her mom to be there, but mom is a total b*tch to me and doesn't want me around b/c she is jealous of the daughters feelings towards me. HELP!!!! We really want to handle this the right way.

My fiance's ex wife is not invited to our wedding, any ideas on how we can tell his 7 y/o daughter that mommy is not invited to the event. She really wants her mom to be there, but mom is a total b*tch to me and bad mouths me infront of the daughter (I never bad mouth her mother, I know that it would be inappropriate to do that) HELP!!!! We really want to handle this the right way.

Answer 1

First, whatever you do, do not say anything bad about the mother.
I would simply tell the youngster that it is a little uncomfortable for mommy and daddy to see each other the day daddy is marrying someone new and that it isn't anything bad.
Children are very preseptive so it is better to be as honest as you can.

Answer 2

I have a 7yr old SD and believe it or not they can understand. Just be honest. She is young not stupid. My SD knew by age 5 how her mom felt about me the woman couldnt hide it. And its just gotten worse over the last 2 yrs. Some women need to grow up and realize they cant run a mans life just because they have a child together. When you have children, it'll get worse trust me

I'll tell you this Ive gone above and beyond to be nice to this woman and no matter what she's just a snotty b*tch. My husbands parents as well as mutal friends of my husband and his ex gf's also agree she's just a drama queen. Best advice I can give is do not communicate with her beyond the needs of the child. Do not try to make nice w someone who will more then likely talk bad behind your back. This past summer when we took my SD back she told her mom she wished her mom was more like me.. Her mom is now forbidding her from ever being around me again..go figure

Answer 3

Look if you are getting married to the father, both of you need to find a way to communicate with the ex. You are making a commitment which involves her, whether you like it or not.

In my opinion, all three of you need to show loving support towards each other whenever the little one is around. Of course a mother is going to be protective of her baby so it's your job to find a way over the barrier she has put up.

The fact is that you will need to communicate with her for the rest of your life so you might as well try to get along.

Telling a child that "mommy can't come because we don't like her" is absolutely the wrong approach.

What do you think she would say if you called her yourself and said; "Hey listen, I know things haven't been the greatest between us but I would really like start over, and at least be civil towards each other when your daughter is around, do you think we could try it?"

I know how difficult people can be, it's been my life experience that if you kill them with kindness, eventually they will give in to you. Try it, you have nothing to lose.

Answer 4

Well she's 7. My best advice is leave her out of it, and go straight to the source of the animosity: the ex-wife. Hire a sitter for the daughter. Then you three meet at his house WITHOUT the child there. Find out what is truly bothering her, and let the woman have her say. IF she chooses to be insulting..Take it like a lady...But if she starts swinging.. then don't back down. Make sure your fiancee is with you at ALL times. See if it can be settled between the three of you like adults.Because the ex-wife is NOT acting like an adult. She's acting likea 2 year old who is not getting her way.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

By the age of 7, she's old enough to have picked up on the animosity between you and her mother. She's young, but not stupid.

Just tell her that it would be best if Mom wasn't at your wedding, because Mom has better things to do than be there. Use an example of her not wanting a "friend" at one of her b-days or sleep-overs or whatever. She'll get it. If it comes down to it, just tell her straight out that Mom isn't going to be there, and that's the end of the story. Its not unheard of to set some boundaries.

Answer 6

Just tell her the truth, that so-and-so will bring her to the wedding because it's not appropriate for her mother to attend plus it might make her mother too sad to come. If she asks why it's not appropriate tell her that grown up feelings are difficult to explain sometimes but she will understand when she gets a little older. Don't go into details and don't bad mouth the mother.

Answer 7

I'd make sure she knew that she is still special and that mommy is still mommy. This is step-mommy and Daddy's special day and something about not wanting to hurt mommy's feelings. Mommy's and daddy's aren't always best friends and sometimes adults manage to forget to be nice???

I think kids are a whole lot smarter than we give them credit for!!!

Answer 8

You should not be the one to tell her--that won't go over well with the mother. Her daddy should tell her, with you there.

It's very simple.
He should say that because mommy and daddy aren't married any more, she isn't coming to the wedding and reception.

DON'T say that she isn't invited--simply state that she won't be attending, and because of that, you have arranged for the daughter to be at the church and the family table--with a relative or friend--who she knows.

Answer 9

You invite grandma or auntie or someone that the girl will know (so she won't feel unincluded/scared/whatever) and explain that mommy isn't invited because this is the celebration between daddy and you.

Good luck :)

Answer 10

trust me, if you've told the mom she's not invited, she's already told her daughter (and i'm sure she didn't make you out to be the best person because of it.)