If your hubby avoids you around the house and wants to do everything by himself.....?

Question

and if you want to do things with him it is a PITA , how would you feel.
He never compliments you, never finds time to do things with you but will do it with people from work in a heart beat .

Always changes the things you do and never agrees with you. Leaves the tv on a show that he knows i don't like (even when I ask him nicely) and that is the first time I sat own all day. Then a show comes on that we actually laughed at together and he gets up and leaves and rearranges all my stuff that I had organized without telling to me about it at all.
I am feeling pretty non-existant and wondering ...How would you feel && what would you think???? I neve felt so alone and hated. I mean when he goes in the hottub its' "im going in the hottub, I'm going to bed. Not --You wanta go in the hot tub? When are you going to bed, do you want to go to bed??

Answer 1

well, you didn't say how long you have been married, but it sounds like maybe there's something (someone?) else on his mind and he's just trying to pi*ss you off enough to make you go....or he's just an insensitive bas*tard who just reall doesn't care what you think, but either way, this one is going nowhere fast...i mean, why wouldn't he want you in the hottub with him anyway?

Answer 2

Men can sure act squirlley at times.
My husband used to come home and climb in the pool without saying nothing. He was very happy when I join him but he won't ask. When he is on his way to the car and I know he does not have to go to work I just follow. I don't even ask where he is headed he is so predictable that I can almost guess where he is headed. Home depot. gas station but I still go along. I say want to go to wal mart? Nope have fun wife. Okay well whatever.
Maybe they have a fear of being rejected. I do think they want us to follow along and play the game. It is unfortunate that life can get a bit stale from time to time.
On the other hand I may get a compliment now and then like the lawn looks good but you forgot to do the street curb.
Oh honey I reply I didn't forget. i just hope the street cleaner will come by soon. this is not the only leaf clean up we will have. I have freedom finally with this man. I have some money. I have a great home and wonderful kids from him. He is board and I can't fix it.
He retired and he sits about now and just keeps his eyes closed all most all of the time. what a crazy habbit . it is driving me nuts. but I still have a good life and can do with it as I wish I just can not mold my man.
best wishes

Answer 3

It sounds like it could be several things because im married to that same guy. I will start off by telling you that exposing to him all of your pain is only going to make things worse. Please don't take this the wrong way because it's gonna sound a little harsh and I may be way off base, I'm just talking from my experience. Are you looking for him to be there to much or to fill a hole some one else should have long ago, such as your father or previous spouse? That was partly what was going on when I thought my husband wasn't meeting my needs, there were just too many and I drove him away with the nagging. The flip side to that He is somewhat of an emotionally unavailable man who has a tendancy to be self serving so after 11 years of marriage and 4 kids its hard to really find that spot again and that safe landing after damaging words and hurtful things have happened. I know Im still checking my self daily to make sure im searching inside and watching him too Its hard and seeems to never end sometimes but soon I think we all will get our good or bad. Good luck.

Answer 4

Give him a dose of his own.Start doing things without him.Make it a point to leave him hanging,don't do the normal things for him that you do.I would feel so down all the time.You just have to think like a guy and play this game.If he thinks you gave up and are trying to develop a life of your own,maybe then he'll see the error of his way's.He just might remember how much he still really loves you.It's a hard game to play, but do it.Take a long drive alone without telling him first,and,no explanation when you return.Get into the hot tub before he does and don't ask him to.Just make him feel that you are happy with other things without saying so.Again it's gamey I know but you are dealing with a man and thats just what they do......play games.Good luck sweetie,you can do this.

Answer 5

without saying the first thing that comes to mind, there may be irrepairable damage, no matter what the cause. Some people fall out of love, some people ( IM guilty of this) are just so pissed off at the world at that moment that nothing or no one is worth a pinch of crap. Of course, as a woman, respect your female intuition. If you feel he's riding another mare, he may be or may not be...yet. ill bet you he's picked one from the herd, and dusted the saddle off, at least. Remember, and I believe this, man was given the physical brute strength with a great degree of linear, organized thinking. Women were given intuition, emotion, and the ability to think in multiple circles on many levels, which makes you all superior to us in a lot of was. Bottom line: you know him better than anyone....you tell us what hes up to. YOU know.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have serious issues - you need to get him in to marital counseling. You're probably thinking "he'll say no" - which begs the next question: even if he says 'yes,' could this hasten the end of the relationship? You have to be honest with yourself in answering these questions. Saving the marriage may mean losing him - but is the marriage worth it if you don't try? If you want to stay married to him you're probably going to have to fight for him. Is sounds like he needs a jolt of electricity - you may have to get passionately animated with him and demand he goes to therapy with you. It might be too late - but maybe it's not - maybe you can spark something deep within him, something he forgot was there. Try to be optimistic - but realistic - this will take hard work on both your parts - and you might give it your all - and it still might not work. You can't be afraid of that though - if you never try you'll always wonder if you should have.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Your husband is not acting like a husband. He's acting like a nonchalant roommate. I know you are very confused about why he acts this way. He seems to be avoiding you. I know that has to bother you. I would feel rejected and jaded to be in a marriage such as yours. I would suggest sitting him down and talking to him about all of this. There might be a good reason he is treating you this way, but it's never okay. Only he can answer why he's doing it. I don't think anyone would like being treated the way that you are being treated. It's recipe for disaster. Maybe you could write him a letter and get your thoughts and feelings all down on paper. It seems like the romance is gone. Good luck.

Answer 8

The only thing I would say is talk to him about this. Also, make sure to think about in what way you might be contributing and making him (perhaps) feel like his needs aren't being met. It's a vicious cycle. His withdrawal aren't fulfilling ur needs too and there is no end to this if you dont intervene now. There's something going on. Get to the root of it. I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

I know how u feel but the best thing u can temporarily do is give him some space. Let him mope around by himself while u go shopping. Go grab coffee or spend time with your friends. Do this for two weeks then suggest something u can do together. If he's still not interested, then take a break

Answer 10

your husband's behaviour seems similar to my behaviour at the moment... if he is anything like me, it sounds like he just needs a bit of space to breath and do his own thing. the more suffocating you are, the more he will pull away from you.

it definately sounds like your relationship has reached a stalemate and you are both taking each other for granted.

if i were you i would give each other some space for a while, and then make a joint effort to do things together rather than just exist. take time out at the weekend and try to bring back the spark.

either way, sounds like you need to have an honest chat and clear the air.

good luck x

Answer 11

Sounds to me he has way to much on his mind. And your not one of the items he's thinking about. It could be work related, age related. or i dare sat lady related. Then again maybe he's mad at you for some unknown reason. I know when i get mad at someone i simply shut them out. Until I calm down and I'm ready to talk and move on with things. Its a tough call take a few minutes and think did you miss something a date, appointment? Did he ask you to do something and you forgot ? If you can't come up with anything i suggest you talk to him and see what he has to say.