And you walked in on her sleeping in bed next her boyfriend of 2.5 years in the morning. He is 18, she is 17. You know they have been sexually active for about 6 months, and before they did they came to you and your spouse asking for advice, and you knew they where going to do it anyway so you let your daughter get on birth control to be safe. You know your daughters boyfriend loves and respects her and they are in a very serious relationship. You like the guy and would never charge him with stagitory rape bc you like him, and he was honest about what him and your daughter where going to do and they did come to you for advice about it. He stays at your house because his parents kicked him out when he turned 18, and hes staying there untill he finishes college. he pays you rent, and has his own room that he usually stays in, but this morning he happened to be in your daughters room sleeping next to her and it caught you off gaurd. would you say something, or just let it go?
2007-10-29 07:24:09 · 44 answers · asked by Sebastian 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
his parents didnt kick him out bc he did something wrong, he was kicked out bc they were abusive and didnt want him there and his 18th bday was an excuse to get rid of him. he couldnt afford an appartment bc hes going to college so we let him stay here for minimal rent
2007-10-29 07:30:47 · update #1
I would be very happy to have a happy loved and snuggled daughter with somone that nice.
estatic is more like it as I never got to be that at ease and in love.
Plus expect them to be sexaully active from mid teens and have helped them with contrception..
Of course they should be sleeping in each others arms
I would think it very sweet.
The rules would be any medication they have must be checked with me first incase messes up the contrception.
And expect them to be open and snuggly around the house and I would be making sure contrception is taken
Note this means you have an extra kid... just as they are having sex does not mean they are not kids and not messing up... if they mess up... both of them they get gorunded and all the rest of it and grounding does not mean snuggles at home.
its like you are the football coach... you may like them but they still need a kick up the butt to get them keeping fit enough to win so will be happy...
ie a loving coach has to be mean to get them to do enough push ups.
Likewise homework, likewise not gettign heavily into drink, drugs, gambling and all the rest of it.
My main worry is his well being if they split up so where is he going to go type thing.
2007-10-29 07:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
As someone previously said, it is YOUR house and YOU make the rules! You and your husband are the adults in the house and you should act like adults.
I do not believe that there is a rape happening because they are too close in age, but I almost feel out of my chair when I read that you would not file charges against him because you like him. A crime is a crime is a crime!
If he stole your TV, would not also not file charges because you like him? I kind of doubt it.
Teenagers think that they are immortal and nothing bad will ever happen to them. Well, bad things do happen to good people. Just ask anyone woman that has a child due to birth control failure.
If the boyfriend has abuse issues in his family, he should be in counseling in order to help him deal with that.
Your daughter should be concentraiting on graduation and high school events and not having to worry if she will be soon become a mother. She should be dating many people and not getting serious with anyone.
Her boyfriend should be concentrating on his college work and not about sleeping with your daughter.
Though it might sound harsh, I am sure that when you offered to let her boyfriend rent a room from you, it did not include sleeping privileges with your daughter, or you , for that matter. It does not matter if he pays rent or not. It also does not matter that they came to you to discuss the matter. You will not make his situation any better by giving them your OK to sleeping together.
And if he is going to be staying there for four more years, I do not see this situation improving.
The question that is on my mind is: What will happen if they break up?
2007-10-29 07:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by bigmanbiggerheart 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well if it caught you off guard, then it had some effect on you. I'm sure that you're not completely comfortable with the whole situation, so you have a right to say something to them. Even if you just tell them that you don't want them in the same room. She is still a minor, and is still living under your roof. You deserve to have your voice heard. It isn't unreasonable of you to tell them not to sleep together. You obviously give them a lot of slack. If you turn a total blind eye to it, it will only get more and more uncomfortably obvious if you let this go.
2007-10-29 07:35:18 · answer #3 · answered by Irony Of Poe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they were both mature enough to come to you asking for advice and for the most part are responsible young adults. Your house, your rules. Simple as that. No sleeping in each others rooms. They need to respect your rules. I'm sure it's confusing to your daughter because you allow him to live in the house and she's having sex with him. You should talk to the both of them again and re-explain the house rules.
2007-10-29 08:16:19 · answer #4 · answered by MoonPie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a tough one! I wouldnt just let it go without a word! Its your house and even though you know whats going on and you like him etc that does not give him reason to put it in your face. I would simply tell both of them. That she is still 17 and even though you know whats going on you dont want to look at it or have it put in your face. That you respect there relationship and have done what alot of parents wouldnt do to help them be together but you want them to respect your mother/father/daughter relationship also.... I had a baby at 18 and still lived with my parents and when my serious relationship boyfriend/father of my baby would stay over my parents did not allow him to sleep in my bed although they were entirely aware of our situation of course because of the baby
2007-10-29 07:40:17 · answer #5 · answered by JJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know theyre having sex then why wouldnt they be able to sleep in the same bed? I applaud you for ur understanding as a parent and the fact that they could come to you with the idea of sex says a great deal about ur communication and openness. They are practically grown and they obviously love eachother. If they want to cuddle at night then let them.
2007-10-29 07:37:15 · answer #6 · answered by Ashleyakapasada 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Looks like you have a responsible daughter for at least coming to you and getting BC, on that point, you need to figure out how you really feel about it and then in a non threatening way like while y'all are making dinner you need to discuss it with them, if you are not okay with it then you need to understand why and think about where they are "going to do it" at, if they con not do it at home then where in the car a or at a park or a lake a motel a friends house, they are going to do it whether or not you allow it at home, so where are they going to do it at what do you want the rules of them having sex in your house to be!!!
2007-10-29 07:42:36 · answer #7 · answered by mominpink 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would speak to both him and her openly and honestly. Tell them what you expect of them. As you stated in the begining you knew they were sexually active, and you gave your permission when you took her for birth control. Your house rules are what you ask, because they are under your roof, so thats not asking to much, if they want to be treated with respect like young adults, they must give respect to you as well. Just remember things could change down the road, will that change your opinion of him then. It takes two to tango so thats why I said I'd speak to both openly. Good Luck ! You sound like a good father, with common sense.
2007-10-29 07:40:40 · answer #8 · answered by mandm68 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like you have an issue with them doing it right in front of you, and as a parent, you should. they're still young and i'm sure this is an awkward and difficult situation. they seem very mature and responsible however, and did come to you, so you shouldn't punish them for doing it, but you should set some ground rules about the sleeping arrangements at your house. if the worst thing they're doing is practicing safe-sex then you really have little to worry about, however, it is your home and you are still the parent and they have to respect your wishes.
2007-10-29 07:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lauren F 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just let it go. You trust him a lot and they love each other. You know they're having sex, so if they're sleeping together what is the difference?
And may I applaud you on letting him stay with you. My parents kicked me out at 18 and I had nowhere to go.
It takes an awesome parent to house a boyfriend.
2007-10-29 07:28:20 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Blonde&Intelligent 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋