I'm afraid I'll end up alone. What should I do?

Question

I'm a guy, early 30s, great job, decent looking, love making people laugh. But I don't have a significant other and it's starting to drive me nuts - I wake up nights thinking about it. I've had 3 girlfriends in the past (only one serious - 3 yrs), but very glad those relationships ended for the right reasons. Recently, I had a big crush on this one girl (when I was in b-school), she flirted with me (perhaps to get career advice), then mentioned her BF (who lives in a diff city) off and on and sent mixed signals. At a party, she asked me to dance and we rubbed up on the dance flr, only to get the cold shoulder from her later that week. I ignored her for 2 months thinking she's a flake, she called later, we hung out, but she again gave mixed signals, asked me to meet the next day and blew me off next morning. I go on dates, tried online, but most girls seem superficial, fake or we just don't click. Meanwhile, my friends all have kids! I'm happy, but also aware that I'm getting old. Help!

Answer 1

dont make compromises coz you'll end up miserable. be yourself, socialise and dont question yourself. someone will love you for what you are and when you find that one hold her tight.

Answer 2

Sugar, 30 isn't old. Besides, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get a princess.

You know how to pursue your education, your career. Put the same skills to work pursuing a relationship. Make a plan and work the plan. Put yourself in situations where you will meet women. Put your network to work for you. Let people you trust know you would like to settle down. Get a "board of directors" for your love life-people who know you and can give you the real bottom line on what you do or don't do that is getting in the way.

The crush? If she has a boyfriend and is coming on to you too, she's not the one to make a life with until she settles her unfinished business with him. You can tell her how you feel, and that you feel really are a good match, but she either needs to fish or cut bait with you. If she drops him...problem solved. If she looks like a roach crawled onto her napkin, well, problem solved.

good luck.

Answer 3

I am feeling the same thing as well I am sick of the flakey idiots who come online looking for people to have sex with or just someone to fool around with. I am getting too old for the high school behavior. I would try something like EHarmony since a lot of mature aged adults 30-50 are going there to be matched with people who are compatible with them. I had two serious boyfriends one resulted in an engagement until I had to leave him since he was a mama's boy and the other for 5 years until I discovered some things about him that made me question the relationship. As far as this chick goes dismiss her because you're too old for the high school games of he/she likes me, likes me not. If she wants to be hot and cold tell her to go turn on the faucet because you deserve better than someone who's not considerate of your feelings and basically uses the opportunity to keep herself company until her man comes back to town. Kick this chick to the curb you can do a lot better than a fake user.

Answer 4

You seem like a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you. There are a couple things you could do. I know you said online dating never works out for you, but maybe you could give it another try. Yahoo!Personals is a great way to see who's out there, and you should be really assertive. If that doesn't work, maybe try not searching for someone. Sometimes the best things come to those who wait. On another note, forget this girl; she has a boyfriend and that is so untrustworthy of her to be flirting with you.

Answer 5

Hello, this is Onist. I'm a life and relationship coach based out of NYC. I've heard this many times before and I relate to what you're feeling.

First, don't fear because you're not getting old. We're taught in our society that we must be married with kids at a certain age. That we must have everything figured out by the time were 30 or even younger.

If you look at the greats in our culture, their prime is 35, 40 and even older because greatness and longevity takes time. Plus, now you know yourself better than ever. Now you know what you need in order to have a lasting relationship.

If you need help with your search and finding that love, visit http://www.onistsense.com and click on Onist Dating. Here, I follow a three step process to help people find their special one.
It's free help....it's my blog.

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat at 40, know what you mean about internet dating...liars and fantasists.. but I've decided to find people with common interests.. so I go to the theatre and concerts..on my own and I do martial arts..kung fu and tai chi..if my faith were more church orientated I'd go there too. It's important to make friends who have things in common. Your soul mate may be one of them or a friend made there may introduce you to you soul mate! Also use the law of attraction..www.thesecret.tv make sure you really do want someone and aren't giving mixed signals yourself. people have antennae and can sense a hurt or wounded animal..they'll back off. Be positive and think positive. it's all a learning process..martial arts is a great confidence booster and young men need self-defence more these days that women..give it a go..there's lots of styles to try and you'll meet mainly healthy people

Answer 7

she is a flake. I think she knows you like her and is using you when she has nothing better to do.

the fact that she has already teased you then turned her back as well as blew you off, should have given you a clue already.

ask yourself this, if you had another girl you could go out with, would you still be looking up this nut?

take your answer and run with it. you are getting older and most women your age that are available are either nuts, drug addicts or alchololics (if they have never been married), or they have had marriages, relationships that have ended badly and have alot of issues and/or baggage.

can you handle any of this? if so, you are still in the running.

women your age need a strong man that does not get caught up in their issues (they like to talk about them but plan on fixing them themselves anyway) so if they ask give your advice and then back out of it. just enjoy their company, get involved in their life that keeps you both happy and strong.

good luck

Answer 8

Enjoy your freedom while you have it. I'm in the same boat as you. Early thirties and single. Most of my friends are married with kids and they all tell me to enjoy the freedom's I do have. I can go out whenever, with whomever, stay out late, sleep in late. Once you're married with kids, its goodbye privacy, sleep, and freedom. Don't worry so much about your future. Enjoy the now. You'll find the right person when its right. Forget the girl with the boyfriend. She sounds like nothing but trouble. Good luck, and remember you're not the only one who feels this way.

Answer 9

This girl is fake! She's playing with you, probably two timing and has made an exit door for herself by mentioning about a b.f. in a diff city. As for finding your significant other, there are many matrimonial sites you can try!

Answer 10

At least you have a lot going for you. I'm like you but I have a full custody of my daughter, which limits my ability to date severely. Worst case scenario? Mail order bride!~ Seriously though, don't waste time on chicks who like to play you, ones with bfs or husbands, or bar whores. Look at your standards. Who are you excluding? I know there are lots of single moms out there, you can get the whole package without having to deal with her while she's pregnant!

Answer 11

My son in law was early 30's before he married my daughter... that was 8 years ago... and they now have three children..

Just hang in there and be willing to be flexible...I think this particular young lady is a flake... look elsewhere...

And remember it's possible for you to have a family at any age...... only women have a biological clock!