my 6yr old daughter has turned into a brat?

Question

help. she refuses any food other than pizza or chocolate and i have tried sending her to bed hungry etc. she will not even flush the loo anymore saying its my job. her room is beyond help, toys are ruined through lack of respect and she hardly sleeps staying up playing in her room to all hours.when she goes out to play she wont use a loo and wets herself yet here she stays dry . she has even stolen money from my purse its sending me nuts i remember what a lovely child she was now shes a nightmare. i dare not even take my eyes off her when near her sister as i think she hurts her when im not looking. hubby works all hours so he cant help much and to be honest hes not much help anyway on the childcare front. i feel very alone somedays when she is being a brat

tried grounding, taking toys away you name it ive tried it

Answer 1

take everything out of her room except the bed and the clothes she needs. if she can't take care of things, don't give her anything except shelter, clothing, food, education and love. everything else is a privilege. she will throw one heck of a fit. but sounds like you're used to it anyway.

Answer 2

It´s hard to judge cases like that without really having seen the child or you. :)

There can be several reasons for her to start going "crazy". You mention a younger sister, was she born recently or started talking or walking recently? That could be a situation where your 6yr old daughter is simply crying out for more attention from your part. Generally, she is doing loads of things that make you "react", which could really be a crave for attention. Possibility numero uno.

Number two, 6yrs old - how about school? Is she going already? I don´t think so as you probably would have mentioned problems there as well, so is she going into some sort of kindergarten, playgroup - anything? Being with similarly-aged kids helps a lot in the "brat" period, because kids then see how others behave... and even if parents don´t always think so, they actually care about other kids and look out for some sort of peer-group role models. Cut it short, she wouldn´t want to be the "baby" that still wets herself when other stay dry. etc.

Number three, she is old enough to be involved. Wait for a quiet and calm moment and sit down with her somewhere. Pick up ONE thing to start with, not everything at the same time. Explain to her that you are very sorry that toy is broken because you would have loved to play with her, with it (just an example). Next step could be to actually make rules, write or draw them and stick them somewhere to be seen. Agree on consequences when rules are broken and involve yourself and your hubby in the list of rules, such as "on sundays, we all go to the playground together", so that she gets the idea that every member of the family has to stick to certain "rules" so that things can work out.

Hard to say, again, without really knowing any background info, but I hope this might be a starting point. =)

Answer 3

This won't be the solution to your problem, but it's a start...
When your daughter misbehaves it is probably because she needs attention. Try to spend time with her a notice her and give her positive attention before she starts getting on your nerves. Play a board game with her. Take her to the park. Let her know that her opinions matter, but she won't always get her way.
My mom used to say "clean your room, and I'll come back in twenty minutes with a basket and pick up everything that you haven't taken care of and keep it somewhere else for a couple of days," or something along those lines. The idea was if I didn't care about my stuff to pick it up then I really didn't care about it at all. After her taking my toys a couple of times, I learned to keep my stuff picked up a little better. Now, no 6-year-old's room will be perfect, but she should take better care of her stuff.
Anyway, the point I am trying to make is, try to do more with your daughter than just discipline her and tell her to stop doing things. Give her something to do, and if she doesn't do it, don't threaten her, just give her the consequence. Threatening a child never works. Punish her or forgive her.

Answer 4

My son was kinda like your daughter, but he was 4. It doesn't matter the age, it the behavior you need to stop.

I took everything away from his room. All he had was a bed, on the floor and a pillow and blanket, all toys were taken away a locked in the basement. He went a few days like this yelling at us and telling me that he was so mad and all the things he would do to us if we didn't give his stuff back, but after he shut up and listend to the rules he got better.

Here are the rules, for every day that he says kind words, cleans himself i.e. takes a bath, brushes teeth and hair, makes his bed etc...., treats others with respect ect.... he got 1 toy or piece of furniture back from the basement.

If he had received a toy back and he started to act a fool it was again taken away and he had to start all over again. This also work with the bathroom problem.

Answer 5

first off it sounds like maybe she is jealous of her sister, so start asking for her help...with changing her diapers, feeding her...if she makes a mess...just be gentle and let her keep trying. Maybe she wets herself cause she wants mommy to change her, too. Tell her you are so glad she is a big girl and u dont have to change her diaper, and that u cant wait for her sister to be older so she will be a big girl like her.

Well if this does nothing, since this is so severe..you should lock her in a room with you. Lock away all her toys, no tv. Next time she wets herself...tell her that she must sit on the toilet until she has to go again because she is a big girl and knows better. Make her sit there for hours. When she says she only wants pizza and ice cream..say too bad...and put out a plate of food. Leave it there...eventually she will eat it. And when she is not being bratty...dont be nice, dont play with her. When she gets upset...tell her that mommy is very sad because you misbehave. And mommy wont be your friend or play with you until you can behave like a big girl.

Answer 6

She is testing her boundries and trying to gain independence. She actually sounds just like my daughter not so long ago! Set firm boundries and predictable punishments/rewards. Do not yell, she will become rebellious. Let her have opinions and tell her it is okay to feel a certain way about things but they shouldn't always be expressed in the ways she chooses. Stay patient. Say yes whenever you can so she doesn't hear no all the time. Choose your battles and decide is it really hurting anything. For example if she wants to wear mix-matched clothes. When my daughter wet herself, it was because she was worried if she came in that she wouldn't get to finish playing or that friends would leave. Try reassuring her and explain why it is inappropriate. Make sure she has time set aside to spend with you. Try playing a fun song and tell her that her room needs to be clean before the song ends.

Answer 7

My 8 year old would live on chocolate and pizza if I let her. We sit down on sunday and plan a weeks worth of meals together- What will you eat? Ok you want chicken, what kind of vegetable? Ok green beans, do you want mac n cheese or chicken noodles with that.

her room is beyond help, toys are ruined through lack of respect- Help her clean her room, when the room gets this messy a child will feel overwhelmed and not know where to start- Once it's cleaned up label the shelves so she knows where her items belong. then everday its her job to clean up the daily mess (I stop the kids before they go outside) Did you clean up what you were playing with? Then i go and check. (My daughter always has friends to help mess up and clean up- so i don't let them leave until its streighted up.

she hardly sleeps staying up playing in her room to all hours- Bed time is 9:00. Get out of your bed and play and tommorrow night bedtime is 8:30. Take away the toys she is playing with when you catch her........these go to "toy Jail"

when she goes out to play she wont use a loo and wets herself yet here she stays dry - When kids start playing they often don't want to stop haveing fun to use the bathroom. Have her use the bathroom before she can outside. She comes back wet - No playing outside the next day.

she has even stolen money from my purse- Yikes, they have a book "help me be good books" talks about issues such as stealing, lying, being disrespectful. I love these boooks, because you can talk about the issues with out yelling and they teach what is expected.

dare not even take my eyes off her when near her sister as i think she hurts her when im not looking- This is very serious, yes don't take your eyes off her. Praise her when she is playing well with the baby. If she hurts the baby explain to her this unexcetable.

Sounds like she may be seeking attention. Negative attention is better then no attention at all. Try to give her as much postitive attention as you can. Praise her good things, if she remmebers to flush tell her your glad she flushed because not flushing the toilet is grose and stinky. Praise her when she comes home dry. Praise her when she cleans up a mess, I am a big advocate for trying to catch them being good. When they get positive attention they will hopefully want to repeat the "good".

Also in my home we use the 1,2,3 magic program. I suggest you may want to try this with her. It let her correct the problem on her own before she is punished.

Answer 8

Some things to try -

Praise her good behavior
Reduce and eliminate yelling
Enforce consequences

instead of yelling, give her the chance to be good. Say things like "are you choosing to listen?"

If she won't clean her room, she doesn't need toys (or anything for that matter) Take everything she doesn't pick up and get rid of it.

If she won't eat what you serve, she goes hungry.

If she steals from from your purse, pull her pants down, and SPANK HER BOTTOM RED!!!! Remember your talking about STEALING here, it's time to drop the hammer.


I think once you draw a line for her, you will find your angel coming back.

Answer 9

Try a reward system like a star chart - if she earns enough stars, then she gets a prize (a small one at the end of every week, a larger one every few weeks) - give her something to aim for and try to behave well for. Positive praise and attention for good behaviour is really important.
They go through horrible phases - my 7 year old daughter has improved recently and is behaving really well, but we've been through some bad patches, and the only thing that worked was the positive - rewards, praise, saying how pleased I am when she behaves well - it works in the end. Being down on a child all the time tells them that they're bad, and they behave badly. It's a good way to get your attention - the only way to get out of it is to start a new regime like a reward system, and you need to get her agreement and involvement in devising it.
She needs to get used to behaving well and to get out of the rut that she's in.
Also, when you tell her she's good and praise her, her self esteem will improve and she'll want to behave more nicely.
I sympathise - it's hard. You have to stick to your guns with a reward system, or it doesn't work.
Good luck!!

Answer 10

Counseling? What happened to parents being parents? Sure use it as an aid, but to just say "here you deal with her" is sorta odd. She is not a dog, you can send to behavior school. By the way I know someone who spent $400 on such a school for their dog and it didn't help.

Anyway. I doubt the behavior started overnight. Plus, kids learn from their surroundings. Comments like "It is your job" sounds like something she picked up from an adult. If that person is your husband remind him not to do that period and especially not around the kid. If she sees dad belittling you, then she is going to think it is okay for her to do so.

Even though your husbands works he can tell her to respect her mother. For him to let, such attitudes in his house to go unchecked shows that he isn't much of a man. If one parent can't do it the other one should. Take care of this now before, she turns into a preteen then you will really have problems.

Good luck

Answer 11

well first of all i would strip her room bare and just leave her bed there so she can sleep in it....(believe me that works a treat) as for her only eating pizza and chocolate do her tea what ever you make that night and put it down on the table if she eats she eats it if not she can not be that hungry a child of 6 will not starve!!! and when she has been to the loo and and has not flushed it i would take her back up and wait there till she has a mind to would not move until she has flushed....
you have to be cruel to be kind its for her own good and yrs

hope u get it sorted out or it will be a good child spoilt