Is it wrong, in your opinion, for a step child to call his (her) step mom "mama". Why or why not?

Question

I have a three year old step son who calls me "mama", and his biological mom is ticked because of this. I didn't ask him to call me this, and originally he called me by my first name, but has since started calling me "mama". I don't want to tell him to call me my name if he wants to call me "mama". I am one of his mothers, so whats the deal? What is your opinion?

My husband thinks its fine. The child calls his mom, "mama feliesha" when at our house (4 days a week or more). I'm not sure what he calls his mom when its just them. None of us really gets along enough to try to get along and come to a solution about it. I just feel, since I have never asked him to say this, and we always refer to me with my first name, that it isnt that big of deal. If I were to get separated from my husband and my children started to call another women mama, then I might be upset, only if she forced them too though. I just think the child can decide what to call me, and if he ever changes his mind then, that's fine too. The bio. mother is so upset she says she wants to go to court.

Answer 1

No it is not wrong. Any idiot can have a child, but only a parent can raise one. If you are raising your step-son, you are his mom. If his biological mom is raising him as well, she's his mom too. He can have to moms and he can call you mom to show that he loves you and respects your parenting.

Answer 2

Here is my point of view:

I do come with some wisdom on 2nd mothers. I am adopted and with in the same family. So, you have a step son that is comfortable with you enough in his heart to be called mama. That is so very special. This mean he trusts you, and that you both have a very special bond. It doesn't mean that you are replacing his natural mother, just that he is has made room in his heart for you too. He must love you enough to put you at that level of respect and honor as well. Being a mother is one thing, and to give birth is another. You must love him like a son for him to feel that you are a mother to him.

As per his real natural birth mother, I am sure that she will always take first place; and you both should work this out as adults. It is so nice to know that this child has 3 loving parents and that all of you want nothing but the very best for him. This is just more security for him and his well fair. So try to work it out as adults.....never let him see or feel the tension between you. He loves both of you, so learn to love each other, and let this mom thing go for him. Really it is something you all should respect, and honor.....after all that is what you expect out of the child.......love, respect, honesty, and honor. So give back what you all are already receiving and enjoy life.

Blessings,
Lady Cedar

Answer 3

Totally natural! He's three and associated you with a loving, nurturing part of his life. Yeah, that's a "mama." It's not your problem if his biological mother doesn't like it. The child cannot be coached at this age to say and do things at your will, so it's not your fault. What does the father think? Maybe you should try talking to the mother and explaining to her that you are not trying to take her place and that this is just a positive sign that you are doing a good job when she is not there. Good Luck!

Answer 4

i think it usually depends on the situation...and what the child wants to do...i think it is wrong to tell a child to call a stepparent mama or daddy...which you did not...i don't see a problem..but I also see her side(biological mother) a little...I have a daughter and she has a stepmother, who came into her life a few years ago..which she calls by her first name...and she calls her brother's father (my boyfriend) by his first name(who's been in her life since she was 1)...I think I would get a little upset she started calling her "mama"...anyway I don't think you are wrong...and I don't think she is wrong for being upset...i think if possible you two should talk about with each other...she is probably feeling like you are trying to "replace" her...i'm sure this is not your intention..but she may be feeling that way.

Answer 5

What does he call his biological mom? It's just confusing to call the two main women in your life the same name. If he calls her "mom" or "mommy", then I don't see a problem with your being "mama." If he already called her "mama", then maybe you can try getting him to call you "mom" or your first name. If he's three, he's going to call you whatever you refer to yourself as (and his dad calls you). Just keep using and having your husband use the name you want him to use for you. (And no, I don't think it's wrong for him to call you a name that states your role as one of his mothers, but I'm sure you can empathize with his biological mom, who probably never anticipated sharing the title. I think it would be a reasonable gesture not to coopt the exact same name her son was using for her.....)

Answer 6

the kids little so he doesn't know that it makes his real momma mad. You take care of him and so does his mom so to him it's only right to call you mom. I think I'd be mad if my son called someone else mom, but I'm not in the situation that you are in. My nephew called me Mom for a long time. I lived with my sister and her family since he was just days old and he called me and my sister mom all the time. My sister looked a little hurt by it but she understoood because I have been there his whole life and take care of him just like momma would. He's 4 years old now and I haven't lived with them for the past 2 years. He's still a wonderful part of my life, but he doesn't call me momma anymore. So, I guess what I am saying is that eventually he might stop calling you momma cause he will realize he really only has one momma. If his real mom is upset about it then just explain to her that you both have the role of mom here and he's only 3 years old. He doesn't know yet.

Answer 7

It's not wrong. But it is a big deal, and it's understandable that his biological mother is upset about it, even if you didn't tell the kid to call you mama. However, there's nothing the courts can do about it, so you shouldn't worry about that.

Answer 8

I do not think a Judge can do anything. The child probably calls both you and bio mom the same name because you both have the same role in his life. He does it without realizing. My son lives with his Grandmother full time and when he visits me he will call me grandma allot. He now will say oops I meen mom. It is not a bad thing. I know It would hurt me if it was another women he was calling mom. Sometimes life is a no win situation.

Answer 9

No I don't feel that it's wrong. My step daughter calls me mama that's because I don't treat her no different than i treat my own kids. My step daughter mother do not mind due to the fact that i take care of her also when she comes over to my house, I buy her things also. If you do all the motherly things for her then yes you are considered her mama

Answer 10

It's perfectly ok for a child to call a woman he/she sees everyday as mama. I don't think the kids mother should be getting upset maybe she should have tried a little harder to maintain a family and be a part of the childs life. Then she wouldn't be going to this scenario

Answer 11

I think that a stepparent needs to show the child that they respect their biological parents' role in their lives. And, that the names 'Mom' and 'Dad' or anything along those lines, are honorifics that denote that particular one-on-one parent/child relationship.

And, despite the fact that you & dad don't get along with mom, I think it's reflects your respect for her as his child's parent, if you direct the child to use 'mom' or 'mama' for only his actual mother. Maybe with a simple snuggle & a 'Silly goose, I'm not your mom, I'm your . And, I'll love you forever'.

That doesn't mean that your role as stepmother is anything less in his life. It is just different. I think that being a loving stepparent is even more honorable than being a loving parent, since 'stepparent' is a chosen role, not one forced on you by biology. I think that the role of stepparent should be worn with quiet pride.