He told me that they were best friends before and he wants to renew that friendship. I know that she still had feelings for him but she is seeing someone new now so I'm not sure. I feel uncomfortable about the entire thing. I told him how I feel and he said that I was the reason he missed out on being friends with her before because he broke it off for me. Now I am at a standstill because if I ask him to stop being friends with her he will blame me and yet I've felt so uncomfortable and just generally bad for the past two weeks! I hate feeling this way and I cannot understand his insitence to be friends with someone he knows I'm uncomfortable with. When they were friends before she had bad mouthed me and that is why I asked him to tell her not to. Any advice?
2007-10-29 05:56:25 · 23 answers · asked by ZippedeeDooDah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Stand firm. This is not a good situation. Set boundaries BEFORE you get married. But remember, even if you put your foot down, with this much resistance about the old girlfriend he might go behind your back. You are right to question his motives about why he feels the need to reconnect with her. If he really loved you he would respect your stance on this subject.
2007-10-29 06:01:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I swear your fiancee needs to be hit over the head with a clue-by-four if he is so oblivious that he can't understand how his decision to suddenly renew a "friendship" with an old flame is, at best, suspicious action. Still, what he proposes might be possible. Ask him what he expects to get out of this friendship and why it's so important that he see her. Ask him if he would feel comfortable bringing you along whenever he wants to get together with her. Ask him what he thinks about a person who badmouths another in an obvious attempt at the ex trashing the new girlfriend. If he doesn't give satisfactory answers to these questions that still convinces you that he is committed to you, then I'd seriously reconsider whether it would be a good idea to marry him.
2007-10-29 13:03:45 · answer #2 · answered by Vangorn2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This boy has done lost his mind. Reconnecting with an ex??? Seriously?? Who on Planet Earth thinks this is a good idea?? Show of hands? None? Ok!!.
Good grief. This guys has serious issues. It's so disrespectful to you AND your relationship. Tell him you are uncomfortable and saddened that this is what he wants. YOU should be his first priority. What would he think if you did something like this to him??
If he continues this, you need to seriously reevaluate your relationship, and figure out if he's also this insensitive about other things, and if he's not being fulfilled in the relationship.
Good Luck to you
2007-10-29 13:01:30 · answer #3 · answered by saxcat00 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot, I've been just there myself. You can't nag and nag and insist that he not hang with her, it will just get you fighting and he'll still go. Try to see if he'll let you go out with the two of them, or double with her new man, if he wants to hang out with her alone, then I'd suspect he may be straying. You should be able to tell if he has bad intentions if you suggest going out together, and he insists you don't go. Don't let this girl know that it is getting to you, it's probably what she wants. Try being friendly with her, show your man that you are better than she is, besides, you know what they say, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer". Good luck with it all, but in the long run, if he is not considerate for you're feelings, leave the man, even if only for a little while, to show him what's he's sacrificing to be friends with an old flame.
2007-10-29 13:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by Thomas M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your situation.
You need to have a sit down chat with your fiance as there is definitely some deeper meaning to his wanting to "reconnect". Especially with someone he knows loathes you! You need to simply tell him that if he wants to go back to her, he must tell you before you are married as you will not put up with cheating (be prepared for an answer you may not like). I would simply ask him why he needs to reconnect with an ex (who he left for you) when he has you??
He knew when he dropped her for you he was giving up a friendship and the fact that he is trying to almost lay blame on you is really fishy.
If he can not give you a straight answer..you need to re-evaluate your relationship and may need to give him an ultimatum..her or you. If he really needs to think about it...you are better off knowing before you say your I Do's.
2007-10-29 13:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to be blunt. Despite the feelings he has for you - he's not over her.
Since he knows how you feel - and why (her badmouthing you) and he still wants to be friends with her, that shows incredible lack of true love - let alone respect - for you.
Now it's up to you if you want to marry a man who doesn't love you and certainly doesn't respect you.
If I were in your place, I'd tell him he can be friends with anyone he wants to - since you're giving back his ring and are no longer engaged to him.
Break up with him quietly and calmly. Meet for dinner in a nice restaurant so he won't cause a scene. Eat your meal. Laugh. Then, right after dinner - but before desert (which you don't want anyway) tell him calmly that you have given his friendship with EX a lot of thought and since EX is not nice to you and has expressed her dislike towards you, you don't feel that it's necessary for you to like her or want to be friends with her - ever. However since he values this woman's friendship - at the expense of his fiance's feelings, then he should be free to be with whomever he wants.
Then give him his ring back, put enough money to cover your part of the check on the table, get up and leave.
Don't look back. Don't give in. Don't answer phone calls, emails, messages etc. Don't accept gifts, Change the locks on your apartment.
This man is history. And I hope he stews in his own stupidity.
2007-10-29 13:07:24 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no reason he should want to go out of his way to "reconnect" with her. She is an ex. If he misses her, I can almost guarantee it's not on a friendship level. You have every right to feel disrespected, and you and him need to sit down and have a serious conversation about the future of your relationship. Good Luck.
2007-10-29 13:02:46 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is most likely having some prewedding jitters and may not be sure if he is ready to committ to being with one woman forever. His ex represent his bachelor days.
Tell him you want to be included in his friendship with her. Suggest that you get together with her for dinner. If she is single try to find some guys to fix her up with. Include her in your wedding plans.
While it will be tough on you, you will show that you are confidant and excepting of his friends. It will remove any secret romantic ideas from her.
Good Luck.
2007-10-29 13:10:59 · answer #8 · answered by ruby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Warning bells going off!
Your fiance's desire to rekindle any kind of relationship with an old flame is a definite sign that he is having second thoughts about his relationship with you. And the fact that you told him it makes you uncomfortable and he still refuses to stop, means that he does not value his relationship with you and he does not respect you.
Think long & hard about whether this is the type of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with.
2007-10-29 13:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not a good idea. Sounds like he still has feelings for her and that's why he wants to talk to her again. If you wanna marry this guy, you should be the only woman on his mind. [especially if she has bad mouthed you...why would he wanna be friends with someone who miss-treats his woman??]
2007-10-29 13:21:27 · answer #10 · answered by That Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋