Do you think that people who commit suicide realize the permanence of their action?

Question

It seems to me that many people who commit suicide may have been so overcome by whatever emotion it was that lead them to take their life that they may not have actually realized the permanence of what they were doing.

A friend of mine took his own life a couple weeks ago and I am trying to better understand what led him to do so.

Answer 1

I've never been close to that mindset. But it seems that an emotion that powerful would cloud any rationality. I doubt anyone sits down, builds an argument on reason, and concludes that suicide is the best approach.

Answer 2

First, let me say that I am very sorry that you lost your friend to suicide. It leaves so many questions for the survivors, often questions that will never be satisfactorally answered.

Second, let me offer you the perspective of someone who has been suicidal several times (I have a form of treatment-resistant depression). When I am suicidal, I am not sane. I am not thinking in a rational manner. I am not considering alternatives or ways to solve the problem: all that matters is the overwhelming pain, and it seems like death is the only thing that will stop it. Whether or not death is permanent really doesn't matter to me when I'm in that state of mind. The only thing that matters is that every aspect of living, including breathing and thinking, hurts unbearably, and I'd do ANYTHING to stop the agony. When I'm able to think of others at all, the only thought that comes to mind is that they would be better off without me, just as I would be better off dead.

From talking to others who have been suicidal, I get the impression that this type of thinking is not uncommon when you start getting down into the really black zones of the human spirit. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that if your friend was down that deep, and if he was determined to die, there might not have been very much that you could have done. So please, don't blame yourself (although I know it's probably hard not to feel that way).

I wish you healing, strength, and good fortune.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your loss....especially in that it was a suicide. My cousin and 3 friends have committed suicide. 3 of them shot themselves and the other one closed his car up in the garage and was overcome by the carbon monoxide.

Emotions were running high with all of these guys. I think they lost all hope. I think they were so far into the darkness of their dispair that they couldn't even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As far as whether or not they understood the permanence of their actions, I don't know. I would like to say they didn't because it's easier to cope with, but when I really think about it...I believe they all wanted the pain to be over and could only think of one way to keep the pain away forever....suicide.

Most people who committ suicide have thought about it for a while before actually following through with it....that's why I think my friends and my cousin knew exactly what they were doing. I do not think any of them would have even considered suicide if they hadn't been subjected to the pain of rejection (in 3 of these cases). And it wasn't just any rejection. It was the blatant rejection of a father in one case and of the significant other in the other two cases.

You may never know what your friend was thinking and what he knew about the actions he was about to take. The truth is this, though, your friend wanted his life to be over for whatever reason. All you can do is try to go on with your life.

I am so sorry to hear you are having to deal with this, but hope you will find comfort in your family and friends.

Answer 4

I think that people who commit suicide fail to understand the IMpermanence of their current situation. In just about every suicide case I think it is a matter of chemical imbalances that make the person incapable of making a rational decision. They just want it to stop hurting and suicide is a clear way to not feel hurt anymore. They are not in their right minds. The pain is chemical in origin. They merely attribute it to certain things in their lives in an effort to make sense of it all. It can be completely overwhelming. In the end, they just want it to stop. What happens next is of little importance.

There are other ways out, though. It is so sad that they cannot see through the chemical haze. Don't think of it as any sort of rational decision. They could not see the real world at all, let alone the permanence of their action. All your friend could see was hurt vs. no more hurt.

Answer 5

I think some people might not understand the permanence, but some of them do. A very dear from to me that used to frequent R&S explained to me that sometimes the idea of suicide is appealing, like sleeping forever. The idea of that seems more appealing sometimes than going back out and facing the world for another day.

I personally would NEVER think this way, because I love life and think it is exceedingly precious. However, it helped me to get a grip on why others might feel that way.

10 people committed suicide from my high school during my senior year. I kind of had to learn to deal with it, unfortunately. :o(

Answer 6

I was that way, Christy. I know what it is like. They feel like they are too much trouble, they see no way out, and they do not regard the feelings of others, which is one reason why I didn't go through with it.

I knew that there would be people affected, and no matter how much I tried to reconcile killing myself, I could not doubt the obvious negative affect it would have on those who I knew. No matter how much I wanted to avoid making a mess, there would still be sadness, and those who were closest to me would blame themselves - which is something you shouldn't do. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!

I was being SELFISH! Sometimes I wanted the people I knew to feel guilty! I was being a dick head. And when God brought me out of it, because I decided that I had nothing to lose - if I had it my way I would kill myself - so I had nothing to begin with, I decided to give God a try, whether He killed me or not, I would at least give Him a try.

So what your friend did was:
1) Extremely stupid.
2) Selfish beyond compare - the ultimate slap in the face to you personally,
3) Was only emptiness and selfishness manifesting in defeatism - a quitter who does not regard the terrible time others would have.

But don't be angry with them. It could be a learning experience for you. I hope you've already learned something, but also consider this:

Look around you, do you see someone hurting in the same way? You can make a difference! They do want love, they ARE a pain in the butt - they are screwed up after all, but they need a little bit of light in their life, perhaps you are a light?

Answer 7

I think most are not thinking about the permanence of it. They are too focused on the pain they are in and how to be relieved of it. Depression can mess with your mind and make you believe that nothing will ever get better or change. I think most who commit suicide, if they could see an alternative solution would take it. Thats why it is so important to release the stigma of mental illness and help one another.

Answer 8

People who take their own life are generally so miserable that they are no longer thinking clearly, so the answer is no, they do not usually understand. However, it's usually not just an overwhelming emotion that drives them to this. It's usually many years of living in pain, or something very bad that happened to them that they are unable to reconcile.

You should talk to a professional about this... who knows what sort of kooky comments people here will make.

Answer 9

He may have realized the permanence but was determined to go thru with it.

People do it for many reasons, mental illness, simple depression, and more. It may have simply been just too much struggle for him. You may never understand and honestly I don';t think trying to understand exactly what his motivation was is the answer to dealing with the loss. That's just my opinion. There was nothing you could have done I'm sure.

Answer 10

First off, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

To answer your main question, no I don't think all of them do - I imagine some do, but others don't. For many the act itself is a plea for help and they hope to be found before it becomes a final decision. I think some people have so much trouble asking for the help they need that they resort to that act in the hopes someone will step in and give them what they can't ask for.