I recently got custody of my two young cousins. How do you explain to a 7 yr old she can't call you mommy?

Question

The kids parents are pretty much non exsistant. The 7 yr old asked if she could call me mommy becuase she hasnt said that word in a long time. It broke my heart.

Answer 1

I know where your coming from. My wife and i are foster parents, and usually in the first few days the kids will start to call you mom and dad. It is really sad that a small child is so desperate for attachment that they will call a stranger mom and dad after only a couple of days. Here is how we handle those situations, we sit the kids down and explain their situation to them, age appropriately of course. We then tell them we are not their mom and dad but, if they feel comfortable calling us that then they should. Just so long as they understand the situation, and so that it doesn't disrespect the birth parents. We tell them we are their foster mom and foster dad. At first it may make you feel a little strange, but rest assured, you are taking the role of mom. We have also found that in some way it makes the kids feel better also. Remember though never ask them to call you mom, let them come to that on their own. When we meet new kids we introduce ourselves as Mr. & Mrs. and most of the time they ask us if it is OK to call us mom and dad after a couple of days. And yes it does break your heart, but be assured you are a wonderful person for taking them in and they will have a much better life with you. One little thing you might not expect, you will have a better life for opening up your home and heart to these kids. Good luck and lots of prayers to you.

Answer 2

I have a step son of whom calls me mom. He was 5 when I got him and now he is 19. When he was 7 years old he asked if he could call me mommy. I said, "Honey, if you want to call me mommy, I don't mind." Now I have adopted him and he will always call me mom. I think it is great for children to have a parent figure to call mom. Every child needs a mom and a dad. Especially those little people that their mother has given them up or that their main priority was not their children so the state took them and gave them to a loving mom and/or dad. I think it is great as long as you can be fine with it. If mom is still in the picture then reassure him that he now has 2 mommies. I admire your willingness to carry on and raise another woman's children. God Bless You. The road may get tough along your way, but put your trust in the man up above and you will get your reward some day! Bless you!

Answer 3

I don't know the situation so it is hard to say. I find that being truthful is the best way especially if it is done with kindness. Let her know if you don't know where her mother is or how to reach her but let her know that you will look.
If she is in jail, rehab etc.., let her know that Mom is in a place right now getting some help so she can be a better person and a better Mommy and for right now, you can't talk to her.
If Mom is just a bad person, doesn't care let her know that Mommy is having a really hard time right now and that right now, it isn't a good time to talk to her. Let her know that sometimes Mommies and Daddies just have big problems that they have to deal with. Then let her know you will always be there for her and that you love her very much.

Answer 4

I don't think that there is anything wrong with her calling you mommy, I agree with Suzanne she could call you "Mommy Jane" or something like that.

But to answer your question if you don't want her to call you mommy, you can sit down with her and say that it makes your heart feel warm that she wants to call you mommy because you love her sooo much and it doesn't matter if she calls you Mommy or Auntie or Turkey you still love her the same and you will still keep her safe and take care of her just like a Mommy is supposed to. But, since she already has a mom, and you don't want her mom to be confused when both you and she have the same name you were hoping that the two of you could come up with a special name for her to call you like: Nana or Meme or something and let her come up with her own special name for you.

Good for you and God Bless you for taking those children in.

Answer 5

Why can't she call you Mommy, after hearing what she said to you how could you not . She seems to no that you are not her real mom , but she feels the need to call you mom I don't see anything wrong with it. If it makes her happy by all means then let the baby call you Mommy it's not gonna hurt any one and she will feel like she is part of the family. May God bless you for your kind act of love for another family member.

Answer 6

Why don't you let her call you Mommy? If Mommy is only the description of a relation of love and trust and you;re taking care of that kid, than mommy applies perfectly. If it bothers you to be called Mommy by someone who is not your child, you could maybe find a name in a foreign language that would mean mommy (the french version would be Maman) or you could find another owrd together that she could use to show you her love and that would be unique between the two of you.

Answer 7

Is there a problem with her calling you mommy? You are her mommy now. She needs you and that identity of having a mommy. Kids have more than one gramma, but each one is different. My stepdaughter has a biological mother who she calls mother, but I am proudly mom. I hold that status she gave me in the highest regard and honor!

Answer 8

It might make her feel good to call someone mommy. I would agree with the first answer and let her call you mommy whatever your first name is. You might end up just being mommy!

Answer 9

Why can't she call you "mommy"? You have custody of them and you are in the role of mommy. In her little mind.... you are her mommy.

Why would you want to add to the sadness and confusion that these poor children already feel in their lives?

Answer 10

Let her call you mommy ( followed by your name) She needs that right now to feel safe and wanted. Good luck with the kids and bless you for being such a kind person.