I have a question I am hoping someone can answer for me. I am a married woman( married for 3 years) but my marriage is not so good. My husband belittles me, calls me names and is always yelling at me calling me an idiot. I have a friend( he is male) and we have been friends for 25 years now. I talk to him almost every day about my problems and he listens to me. The other day on the phone, he told me he loved me. Is this adultry? I need to get out of my marriage, I know this but financially, I can't make it until I get out of college. Am I cheating? Im not thinking sexual thoughts but he is there for me unlike my husband who puts me down and makes me depressed.
2007-10-29 05:14:18 · 65 answers · asked by renne o 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I have no where to go and he puts down my child who is mentally challanged. I really don't care anymore. I made a mistake by getting married and now I have to find a way out even if I have to drop out of school and my husband doesn't support me financially, I work too but we pay the bills together. Don't worry, I have my answer. I think God knows that I made a mistake by getting married and if I ask for forgiveness, He will understand
2007-10-29 05:22:14 · update #1
And gold digger I am not. I make more money then he does but like I said, we pay the bills together and he puts me down with ihs screaming and yelling. That is abuse!!
2007-10-29 05:23:55 · update #2
Get a divorce before dealing with this other man whom you've known. Also, be prepared that most men will prey on women who have problems (former correctional officer who saw first hand female officers being played by convicts-not calling your friend a convict, mind you).
It's too bad you're in this situation. If you follow a religion, perhaps you and the husband can speak with the pastor/priest/rabbi/iman. Hope things work out more favorable for you.
2007-10-29 05:22:14 · answer #1 · answered by سيف الله بطل جهاد 6 · 13⤊ 0⤋
From a christian standpoint you are treading on dangerous ground. Adultery is actually sexual in nature but what starts as emotional comfort can lead to sexual encounters of the mind or flesh.
Have you tried to work things out with your husband first? Have you gone to counseling or did you fall for this man's guile?
Some men are dishonorable enough to take advantage of vulnerable emotions. Be careful.
If you have done the counseling thing and tried to work it out then you should divorce if it doesn't get better. Your marriage can be stronger though if you both are able to learn and work through it. People give up too easily these days.
Staying with your man for purely financial reasons means you are using him which is not good either.
I am sorry you stuck in such a situation. Err on the side of honor and integrity.
I will star this question since there are a lot of good people on my contacts list that can give you advice.
-- update --
Read your details. He sounds like a jerk. Try counseling first if he will do it. I've been divorced and I hate to say it but it isn't the end of the world if that happens.
2007-10-29 05:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by Emperor Insania Says Bye! 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you're not having a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this guy then it's not adultery. Even thinking about it wouldn't be, only acting on those feelings. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is not honoring you the way he should. No one should go through what you've been going through. I don't believe you should cheat with this guy, but if things are going bad between you and your husband, maybe you can both go into some marriage counseling. If this doesn't work maybe you shouldn't stay with your husband. I don't want to tell you what you should do, but you deserve to be treated with respect and love. These are my feelings about it.
2007-10-29 05:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you're not committing adultery - you are leaning on a friend in a time of need. However, it was wrong of your friend to tell you that he loves you (unless he meant it in a totally platonic way - which it doesn't sound like) while you are going through this difficult time.
Don't stay with this awful man just because you need to finish school. You can get financial help from the state - school loans, grants, whatever. And if you are enrolled in school now it is highly likely that you will be able to recieve support from your husband while you finish your program. Talk to a lawyer - if finances make that difficult then try to get in to see someone at a local law clinic - many universities and larger cities have them.
Don't let yourself be battered and demeaned. The longer you stay the worse you will feel - and when you do finally walk away you will feel like a user and a loser for not having done it earlier when you first realized you could no longer tolerate this marriage. Don't do it to yourself!
2007-10-29 05:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am not an expert at this I've been married 5 and half my marriage is excellent thanks be to God. Where should I start. You and your husband need counseling, that friend you have for 25 years fell in love with you because you spend more time talking to him than you husband. STOP TALKING THAT MAN and TALK your husband. Your husband should be your best friend tell him everything, that's the only way your marriage will work. You need to talk to your husband about how you feel let him know the you love him and remind him about the vows he made to you.
PS. invest in your marriage read books, used the web there are unlimited amount of information on the web.
PS. dont talk to anyone about your marriage not even your family except the good things, only If it's a counsller.
God bless you and your husdand I hope it works out well
2007-10-29 06:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by garycoote 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok your husband is mentally abusive, if what you say is true and it's as bad as you say. That is bad.
Now there are give or take, two types of cheating, one is with your body and one is with your heart.
There is debate as to which one is worse, but truthfully it doesn't matter.
They are both cheating.
The fact that your marriage is not any longer a marriage doesn't change anything.
You are, in my opinion, cheating with your heart.
Think about it, does your husband have your whole heart? or any of it? Does this other man?
You do though, need someone to talk to you and do what this other man is doing for you.
Alot of the time thats why people cheat.
I understand that money is hard but there mitght be some way.
Anyways I'm not here to condemn you, maybe you could turn to God and have him be with you, he already is.
Let him comfort you and get out as soon as you can.
IF your sure your marriage is unsavable.
Then continue your friendship or relationship with this other man.
One thought is that you could try to make things better with your husband, if you offer him your heart and try to work on things (as long as he is not physically abusive) there is a chance, if you talk honestly to him, that he might want to fix things to and you might have a chance.
Good luck,
Jessica (feel free to email)
2007-10-29 05:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, you are not cheating.
You do not deserve to be belittled or abused, as it sounds like your husband is doing.
Since christianity deems men to be the 'leaders' in a household, they need to take the lead role in making sure their wife is cherished and loved, which many times doesn't happen in christian-based religions. and that is sad when men will use a part of a commandment for their own benefit, rather than taking the whole meaning from what is written. It is also sad that christianity uses justifications for abuse - the same as other religions do (like some perversions of islam). That is simply pathetic.
2007-10-29 05:22:13 · answer #7 · answered by None 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have several options, the first of which is to work things out with your current husband or you could leave him now or later. If you decide to try work things out, your husband needs to be willing to change and to work with you as well to be more respectful and loving. If he is unwilling then it might be better to get out earlier than wait until it's harder to leave.
Your relationship with the other guy isn't adultery or cheating, anymore than if he was a female friend that supported you the same way.
2007-10-29 05:21:50 · answer #8 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, if you need to talk to someone, talk to another woman.
This guy is taking advantage of your vulnerability.
He doesn't "love" you, but he's hoping you'll think so and relenquish and "hook up" with him.
Your husband needs marriage counseling in a serious way. The way he's treating you is abusive, at the least.
Since I don't know your heart, I can not say that your thoughts are adultery in attitude.
The Bible is clear that if your husband is being unfaithful (which includes verbal abuse), then you are free to divorce without guilt.
I would recommend getting a restraining order on your husband, because in MOST cases, verbal abuse quickly becomes physical abuse, and you don't need that!
Like I said, he needs counseling, but if he refuses to go, I would recommend you go to a counselor to help you stay sane. And, again, quit talking to this guy about your personal problems!
But, above all else, look to Jesus for help to get you through this situation. Now, HIS Love truly IS love, and He won't mislead you.
Please get yourself into a better situation, either an abuse shelter, or - again - a restraining order!
God bless you as you face some really tough decisions!
2007-10-29 05:24:46 · answer #9 · answered by no1home2day 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your friend has been waiting to nail you, for all the time you know him... believe me. He's got your confidence, and he knows your weaknesses. He's heard your stories and knows that a few drinks + the time/place is all he needs to finally claim his prize (you).
Now, on your end.. is it adultery. Of course it isn't... yet (it's just talk, until you act on the inevitable.. but, you appear as the sort that will let it happen.. and then claim it wasn't "you" but the alchohol or something.. so alleviate yourself). You're just playing a game -- because you have your husband footing your college, etc. bills? Who knows, what else you do/don't do -- my guess is that you are the real-"winner" here, and probably are at fault for an unhappy marriage (something few women own up, too). Your phone-buddy, simply sees his opening.
Marriage isn't easy -- and belittling each other is part of being frustrated. That's NOT harassment, by the way. It's your excuse... and the rationale for YOUR DRAMA... you want the other guy to love you, and that's why he's been on the STRING (you're NOT innocent, here). You're living a lie of convenience -- and you're just looking for another DAD for your kid, is all...
Seems to me, that you already have ONE "oops a baby" and may get another one, with your old boyfriend... wait, until the Divorce comes through!... and by the way, if your best friend isn't a woman, you've been kidding yourself for decades, already.
2007-10-29 05:17:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋