I was just reading an answer someone wrote and they said if you aren't married you shouldn't have kids. I think that is BS. I'm not married and am in a commited relationship of 4 1/2 years and we are expecting our first child this March. Why do so many people sterotype against those of us who have kids but aren't married. Although I'm not married my relationship is probably better then a lot of those that are. Why do you need a ring to make it "okay" as long as you are in a stable relationship and have a lot of love and trust?? I'm open to hear opinions from both sides.
2007-10-29 04:55:08 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If you cannot commit, why would you think having a kid is a good idea?
2007-10-29 04:58:19 · answer #1 · answered by Boom Blatz 5 · 6⤊ 7⤋
4 1/2 half years is hardly a commitment. Try 15 or 30 or more. That's commitment. Also, if you can be in a relationship and have kids, why not make that commitment. Having a piece of paper is a commitment and having a ring on your finger is a commitment. Living together is just agreeing for the moment.
2007-10-29 06:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I hear you! I'm not married but have been in a relationship for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son together. Our relationship has it's ups and downs just like everyone else's would, but I noticed that it's also better than alot of married couples that I know. People shouldn't judge us as we are in Gods eyes married. I don't care what people think.
2007-10-29 05:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by tricksy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right in that having a loving, committed relationship is far more important than merely being married. But having a loving, committed married relationship brings lots of tangible benefits in our society. Just ask gay couples with kids who can't marry. Being married brings all kinds of benefits, including support through social securty if a spouse dies who paid into the social security system, the right to file taxes jointly, own property jointly, protection in certain legal proceedings and a host of other benefits. All told, there are hundreds of tangible benefits that the states and the federal government provide to married couples that are unavailable to other couples. I'm not saying those benefits shouldn't be available to all couples, because I think they should. But until they are, you might want to do some research so you can make sure you're putting yourself and your family in the best possible position. See below a list of the benefits of marriage.
2007-10-29 05:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by Rob B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are both ready, can afford a kid and are in a stable relationship I say go ahead and have a kid. I've seen a lot of bad couples who were married and who weren't married. My parents were married and had a bad relationship. My friend is dating a guy and is in a bad relationship. Both couples have kids. It depends more on your maturity level than on your marital status. Personaly for me though I'm gonna be married first before I have kids. It's just something I always promised myself I would do. It all comes down to what the person decides they want. Not being married and being in a commited relationship is working for Goldie Hawn for 20 + years now. Congrads on the baby!!!
2007-10-29 05:04:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
well, the way you put it i see no problem with your family. nothing at all. nor am i openly against people not getting married. it's really up to the couple to decide what will make them happier.
but personally, i want to be married before i have children. if it doesn't happen that way then so be it. but ideally, for me, i want to be married. marriage to me is a bond between two people. it solidifies your lives together. i don't take the word lightly. it's nothing to rush into. it's the ultimate commitment to each other. and i think it's good for children to grow up in that environment. i admit i am old fashioned. i was raised that way.
to each their own!! it's perfectly fine for people to have a stable committed relationship and not be married, it's just not the way for me. congrats on your baby and your great relationship!!!! those are defiantly lacking these days. as long as there is lots of love!!!!!!!!
2007-10-29 05:03:27 · answer #6 · answered by Matilda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think only people who marries should procreate. I say this because marriage binds a couple both spiritually and by law. If a couple wasn't married, the man might denounce the child as his own and be able to shirk his responsibilities as he is not bounded by law. Also, unmarried couples tends to cheat more as they have the mindset that they do not belong to anyone; this creates an unstable atmosphere for the children to see their parents with so many different people depleting them of a stable background. Another reason onset from cheating caused by the aforementioned reason above is the higher possibility of their parents changing partners and having babies with each one thus the child will grow up with siblings of different parentage and confuses the child. I believe that marriage and our brain separates us from animals who'll just mate without proper commitment. I feel if both of you love each other so much why not just get married and make your love for each other official unless commitment is exactly what you are avoiding.
2007-10-29 05:12:17 · answer #7 · answered by louvroom 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Having been on both sides of the spectrum myself, you are absolutely right. If you are willing and able to have and take care of children, it really doesn't matter if you are married or not. It isn't the 1950's anymore. Many people have children out of wedlock these days and they are great parents. Being married or in a stable relationship does not determine what kind of parent you'll be. Granted, it does make childrearing a lot easier when there are two parents versus one, but that is not the determining factor for child rearing. I wish you the best of luck and congrats on your upcoming arrival.
2007-10-29 05:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by masmalan2004 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
OH BOY DO I KNOW EXACTALLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!
my mother, was married 4 times, she was also a very young mother (had me 2 months shy of her 15th bday) so growing up, i saw what my mother did and learned what NOT to do! i met a guy when i was 17 and have been with him ever since, we are so manogamous it's not even funny, we have been tother almost 5 years, we have more love and trust then most married couples i know!! we have a 2 year old son, we're raising his nephew together, in our hearts we are married, the main reason we are not married, is mostly because of money, we have to pay for our own wedding, and we want it to be memorable! that being said, we are not in a rush to get married! SO MANY PEOPLE MARRY SOMEONE they have NO IDEA who that person is.... *i'm not saying all but some* then like a month or 2 down the road they want a divorce, why is this country so against un-married people, yet this country's divorce rate is what? when i get married, i will not be divorced, i will marry the man i intend to spend the rest of my life with just as marriage was intended for which most people don't honor,obey,and certianly aren't there through sickness and health or until death do them part! people say those vows and do the exact opposite!!...... i hate society.... they put so much pressure on people to look/act/be a certain way, and they look down on those of us that dare to be different! this world is full of hypocrits!! and i think america has most of em! people treat me pretty badly, i am a young mother, i do not have a ring on my finger, i do not "dress nice" i like jeans and sweatshirts!! i am a very simple person! i am nice, and if u get to know me u might know this!!! i use to care what others think, especially where my family is concerned, but now my attitude is **** YOU! we are who we are! if people don't like it.... well i think that should be their problem, i am so happy to hear i am not the only one out there not obeying societys rules!!! all that matters to me, is that my kids are taken care of, they are fed, they are loved, we are better parents then most! but no one sees that because all they see is whats on the outside, and those of you who feel that way, are shallow, and you may think your **** don't stink but guess what!!! IT DOES!!!! and just because some of u have money, and nice cars, nice houses, you think the rest of us aren't worthy..... not everyone was born into money, not everyone has mommy and daddy to buy them a nice new car for their 16th bday, not everyone can go buy designer clothes with daddys hard earned money...... i for one will never be a stuck up snob, and i will NEVER judge ANYONE by the way the look, or the fact they aren't MARRIED..... i think more of us in this position need to stand up! all people in this country care about is money and what other people think! there is so much more to people than just money!!! and if someone doesn't like how i live my life, it's their choice not to be a part of it! but don't pass judgement on people just people they don't fit a specific stereotype.... hello this is 2007 in case no one noticed!! we have the right to be different!
2007-10-29 05:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by I'm the mommy!! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree... and I think the worst answer is "why not just get married." It baffles me that the same people who think marriage is the sacred bond are the people who would make it sound like such a light decision you "just do." If you have a 4 1/2 year relationship, you do have a commitment (and a longer one than many marriages!). Marriage, despite the saying, "ball and chain," does NOT make a person stay. A partner can walk out of your life easily, either way, if you don't have a strong emotional bond, and that goes for marriage, too.
You know what you are doing and you know whether it matters to you.
"Follow your heart and you'll never go wrong."
2007-10-29 05:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I agree with you. Whether kids are involved or not, it is your decision to get married or not but most people can't think outside the box. And a lot of others need church approval.
But having a piece of paper doesn't make your relationship any better. Just sanctioned by the government and/or the church.
2007-10-29 05:02:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋