When should I teach my kids about sex?

Question

At what age should I talk to them about sex (I have one boy and one girl). How should I go about it? I think I want to be completely open with them - so they get factual information before they get wrong information from a friend. I hear all the time about how kids appear to be losing their virginity earlier, so I am concerned about waiting too long - so how young should I talk to them about it?

Answer 1

Its never to early to start talking to your kids about sex. As early as 4 you can give your kids the correct names for their body parts. Give them just a little information at a time. You need to find teachable moments from the questions they ask.
My daughter is 8 years old. She knows some stuff but hasn't had the actual sex talk yet. She has known about women's periods since she was like 4. She came into the bathroom and asked whats that so i explained women get their period every month.
She knows where babies are born, accidentally by looking at my book the doctor gave me. On the 9th month there it is in full color. She asked how babies are made i say from mommy and daddy's love daddy has sperm mommy has eggs. and left it at that.
She learned a little about sex from my dog who went into heat. I had to explain that's how baby dogs are made.
Giving a little info at a time will help you and your children when it comes to the actual sex talk, I would say about 5-6th grade.

Answer 2

By 8, he/she is probably already asking someone, if not you, about sex. I would not go into explicit detail about every little minute detail at that age, but there are some questions that need to be answered now.

There is a childrens book called "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle. It handles the subject very effectively, In the case of my parents, they bought the book and had it around for when we were ready to read it.

The book will give a few basics about the birds and the bees in an age-appropriate manner that will not embarrass you or your child.

The book is currently available at Amazon.com for 9.95.

Once the child reaches 10-12, the school system will have their own sex ed program. When were were this age and starting to physically mature, my parents went more in depth and had books that answered questions about the changes our bodies were/would be making, as well as the specifics not mentioned in the children's books.

While 8 is not old enough for most people to have sexual urges, some do mature early. Also, there have been children of that age who have become parents because they were not educated as to the consequences of the new "game" that someone wants to teach them.



And for those who say that is too young, at the age of 7, a 5 year old granddaughter of a neighbor was telling my younger sister, my younger brother, and myslef more than I am sure her grandparent's thought she knew. I have also persaonlly known several people who were sexually active by 12 (and some by the end of elementary school) At 14, virgins were in the MINORITY at my high school. And it has been proven by many scientists and doctors taht a girl can become pregnant BEFORE she ever has her first period. You don't talk to your kids about the facts of life and then you wonder why you become a grandparent while you are in your 30's.

Answer 3

Growing up on a farm, my mother had to explain some of the basics to me early. She often tells her friends the story of when, as a second grader, I told a playmate where babies come from, "The artificial inseminator brings them." That was funny, but it also left her having to explain the differences between cows, dogs and people at a young age.

If anything, when my friends started discussing what they had heard, I was in a position to know what they were saying was completely bogus. Having started an open dialog at a young age, I was comfortable enough with the topic to be able to ask my mother if a certain rumor was true or not.

I've started doing this with my son a bit (he's only 2) by at least teaching him the proper words for parts so that if he wants to ask a question (or look something up when he's older) he'll be comfortable with the appropriate language to do so. As he starts to see and hear more about animal reproduction (it's still a popular dinner topic at holidays) we'll slowly explain that as needed.

Answer 4

When they start asking questions, don't lie and give cutesy answers. Be honest and talk about the parts by their proper names that are age appropriate. Elaborate as they question, but until they are 9 or 10, you don't need to give them more information than they're satisfied with.

YOu can give age appropriate answers to questions. Like if they ask, "Where do babies come from?" A great answer would be, "Babies come from a special place in mommy's belly".

How does the baby get in there?
Daddies put babies in mommies belly.

Those answers are more for toddlers. As they get older, you can add that the place in mommy's belly is called a uterus.

The key is not to overwhelm them with facts but definitely not lie to them. I've always hated the stork story or the "God put baby there".

I definitely think they should know what their own parts are called by the time they are 10 and know the differences of girls and boys by 11. Kids are having sex as early as 10 and 11 now. There are 3 kids under age 12 in my state who are pregnant.

Answer 5

I started talking to my 13 yr old when she was 3 after i saw a commercial about drugs and the kid was 3 yrs old. So she's known about drugs and sex since three, and she gets uncomfortable around boys which is good i think. Parenting is a hard job, especially when it comes to this subject. Just remember to remind them that even if their friends are doing it and downing them cuz their not, the other kids are fools. They will get some much respect and shock it will be so cool that they are not like anyone else. Just be open and honest and tell them the pros and cons, especially the cons about it. And tell them that you are there with no judgment if they need you, cuz u love them so much.

Answer 6

THat's a tough question.

The best I can tell you is:

#1 I had friends in Junior high who bragged about losing their virginity at age 10. This was in the early 90's

#2. My mom never had "the talk" with me.. I put the last pieces of the puzzle together from my friends dirty jokes when I was around 12. (I'm kind of a dunce at figuring out stuff on my own without someone telling me straight-out).

#3. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what made me commit (and remain faithful) to a decision that sex was ONLY for marriage. All I know is my family is religious and we had very high values and standards. It was somehow just a "given" that sex was for marriage. Maybe it was a natural mindset for me.. An area in which I never had a DESIRE to go against what I was taught... I really can't say. Wish I could.. Not that mom shouldn't have had "The talk with me" rather than me figuring it out myself, but other than that.. she did something right apparently.

Kids today need to be educated about what sex is, the risks, methods of birth control.. BUT they need to be taught that it is expected of them that sex is saved for marriage. PERIOD. Let's not be naive and fail to realize that some "will do it anyway" But let's expect good things from them. Children will rise to the expectations placed on them. I'm proof.

Answer 7

These days I would say by at least 12, sometimes even 10 or 11. Kids are hearing a lot these days at school from fellow students and it's better that they learn about everything from you and not them. Be totally honest about all forms of sex (vaginal and oral) and everything they can do to prevent disease and pregnancy. Also, be honest with them that we're all sexual beings, but that it means so much more to have sex when you're mature and when you truly care for someone. I wouldn't push that they should wait for marriage these days because that's a decision each person needs to make on their own, and it really doesn't happen very often these days. You want them to be comfortable discussing these things with you.

Answer 8

tell them u r happy 2 discuss n e thing with them and to let u know when they want a girl/boyfriend, when they do, begin discussing it, start with STD's and pregnancy and love so they dont just assume a JHS or HS sweetheart is always 4 ever. I say this because if they want an answer they will get it from someone else or discover it 4 themselves but insist especially 2 the girl (and i know this will sound bad) that shes worth more later if she holds it and even if she doesnt tell u tell her 2 make sure its w/ someone she'd still smile about later if they break up... but again thats when they want 2 know.

Answer 9

IMHO, it's NEVER too early to teach them about good touch/bad touch, and body parts. I started talking to my 1 week old about it. LOL. With the prevalence of sexual abuse, and kids who are sexually abused will sometimes act out with other kids and I'm talking toddlers/kindergardeners. The risk to your kids is high. Now... talking about the "actual sex talk" I'd wait until 10/11. They're old enough at this age to understand what you're talking about and early enough to make an impression before teen-years settle in and all they hear is charlie-brown style adult language "wa-wah-wa-wa". And trust me... there are 10/11 year olds out there having sex... mostly those that were abused in someway. But these kids are influencing your kids... so don't be blind to that!

Answer 10

you need to talk to them about not letting people touch them inappropriately as soon as they can understand. I don't think a kid is ever too young to learn what's right and wrong about sex. an 11-year-old girl at the elementary school where I was teaching went into labor and no one knew she was pregnant! I'm not sure she knew what was happening. look for easy books that you can read to them.