My 13 Year Old Daughter Asked If She Could Have Sex?

Question

She met a boy when we went on vacation and swapped numbers. Ever since then, 'the boy' came around a few times, but today my daughter asked me if she could have sex with him. I'm very worried. Should i stop her seeing him?

No, im not going to let her obviously i just want to know whether i should let her see him still.

Answer 1

It's good that she came to you first. But don't be naive to think by you telling her "no." that she wont have sex with him. She already told you she wants to, which is another way of her telling you, "look mom I'm going to have sex with him whether you want me to or not." You should explain to her the consequences if she does have sex with him, and tell her your feeling about her doing it, but also put her on the pill as soon as possible and buy her condoms, and tell her look I don't want you to have sex with him but if you are at least be responsible about it.

Answer 2

First, consider yourself fortunate that your daughter felt safe enough to ask you this question.
Secondly, did you ask her if she herself wanted to have sex with this boy, or if the boy was pressuring her? I would want to know where this desire is coming from. When I was 13, I couldn't think beyond hand holding and French kissing.
It could be that this boy is pressuring your daughter, or telling her that everyone is doing it. Be sure to explain to her that everyone is NOT doing it and sex is a very serious thing. Not just the possibility of diseases to consider, but also some very strong emotional feelings that, truthfully, your daughter shouldn't be having at her age. And is she ready to be a mother? The only form of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence. I know that you know this, but to a 13 year old, it may not be so clear.
Finally, if this boy is pressuring your daughter, I would be tempted to not allow her to see him. Of course, if there is any pressure going on, your daughter may want you to prevent her from seeing him, so she has an easy "out", if you know what I mean. Short of that, I definitely would only let them see each other if you or another adult was present, or if they were somewhere they were chaperoned.
Most importantly, I do think you need to talk to your daughter about being sexually active at 13.
Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Good golly, what an uncomfortable spot for you. I would say that it is a really great sign that your daughter felt comfortable enough to come to you about this. It speaks very highly of your Mothering skills.

After I read your question, the first thing that popped into my mind was, if this girl is asking for your permission, I wonder if a great response would be to ask her if she really WANTS to have sex. She probably doesn't but from what we see on TV and in the movies, it makes it look like EVERYONE is doing it and only the "nerds" (or whatever the modern equivalent is these days) are abstaining.

I would DEFINITELY have "the talk" with her. I would strongly discourage her from taking this step. You know your daughter and how you should approach this. Every child is different.

You might want to talk with the boy, too. Once he knows that you know about his intentions, he may split the scene. My husband and I unfortunately weren't able to have kids, but I am pretty secure in saying that had this happened to me, my Dad would have been sorely tempted to pound the little punk into the ground.

Good luck! I'll keep my fingers crossed that you say the right thing at the right time.

Answer 4

First you should thank her for being honest with you... The last thing you want to do is punish her for being open with you.

I think you really need to sit down with her and tell her very point blank about the negatives of having sex at a young age, ex: becoming at risk for cervical cancer, getting a STD, or becoming pregnant. Also let her know that all forms of protection are not 100%. Explain why you would want her to stay "unactive" and above all stay real with her.

You can also go to your local heath office and recive loads of info. to give to your daughter. She can also go to the office and talk to the nurse if thats more comfortable.

The thing is, if she really wants to do this she will find a way but the key is to keep her educated so she knows what the risks are and maybe she will protect herself which is something that hardly ANY teens are doing, an STD is one of the easiest things to protect herself from, make sure she knows that. It sounds like I'm ok with this kind of behavior, I'm not, I have a daughter too, let her know that you do not agree to it either, I work in a Healthe office and you wouldn't believe the amount of teens that come in here with a STD the best think is to educate you children about it.

Answer 5

There will be no point in you not letting her see him because it will only make her more determined to have sex with him. Instead talk to her about it and tell her why you don't want her to have sex yet. She obviously respects you since she came to you about it first and hopefully this respect will continue when you advise her not to have sex. Allow her to continue seeing the boy especially in your house and when you are present as this means you will know what is happening. Don't let them go into bedrooms or if they are make sure the door is left open. Also have a word with the boy's parents and tell them that you think they may try and have sex and see if they will implement the same rules in their house. If they won't I would certainly put a ban on her going to his house.

If after all this you are still worried that she will have sex you should tell her to take precautions to protect her against Sexually Transmitted Infections and unwanted pregnancies and give her some condoms

Answer 6

Don't make her stop seeing him. She'll only rebel. You should sit her down and talk with her and make sure she knows sex isn't just a physical thing and is not to be taken lightly. Sex is not a recreational thing. (Although some people see it as that) You should truly love a person before having sex and 13 is way too young. She doesn't know what she's wanting. Explain to her the harmful effects sex can have on someone physically and emotionally. She may have regrets later in life.
Birth control is good "just in case" but she may see it as permission to go ahead and have sex. Explain to her that if she does decide to have sex she should always use protection. Emphasize that you do not approve of her having sex.

Answer 7

When i was that age..if i had been told not to see the boy...it would have made me do it more. Best you can do it tell her to hold off for a bit until you and her can spend a day to get her more educated on sex and everything that goes with it. Tell her everything you know on the subject. My step son (whos 15) came to me with the very same thing not too long ago so i spilled my guts to him about sex, condoms, birthcontroll, birth, stds. Showed him pictures of std's and birth. We had a sex education class, right here at home.....it worked very well. He did not enjoy the std and birth pictures, i think he is officially horrify at what can happen when you get into something youre not prepared (old enough) to handle. Now days you can catch some pretty scary things from sex and sex related performances. If she still is interested after all that, heaven help us and get that girl a chastity belt.

Answer 8

I would explain that although they have been dating since the summer does she really want to start this early? There are lots of bases to explore without the home run. When I was young I always said I would wait a year into a relationship with someone... and guess what? It never made it that far. I'd hate to see her lose it to this guy and to think she has to give in to all the future boyfriends... know what I mean?
Anyway I wish you the best of luck. Just be glad that you have an open enough relationship that she could come to talk with you about it. Great job!

Answer 9

Good one--and one that I will be worrying over soon enough (my daughter is 11).

I don't know how sex is discussed or covered in your home, or even if it is, but it may be time to address the "hard facts" as it were. STDs are an epidemic in our schools, public, private and parochial, and teen pregnancy is still on the rise. And this is despite education and the like.

If he is pressuring her (which I believe is a valid and relevant question to ask her if he is) you may want to talk to his parents . . .

They may say that they are just being kids, but they are being kids addressing an adult topic.

It's a tough one, to be sure, and a lot of discussion can be had. I always try to remind myself that I am the parent, even at 13 you are the parent, and that I make the rules, right or wrong. And if they don't understand the rules I am not doing my job.

I'd say no, but I would sit her down and talk to her about it--both mom and dad--and let her know the dangers (STDs, pregnancy) and let her decide on her own. Unfortunately, unless you tie her to the house and never let her out of your sight, if she is going to do it, she's going to do it. The best we all can hope for is that we taught them to trust our guidance and they act on it . . .

I do suggest, that whatever happens, you keep in mind that she is a child--even at 13--and will always need parents.

Answer 10

Oh wow.... you guys must have a fantastic relationship for her to come to you with that. Kudos to you!!!!! That is a very trusting relationship.

I wouldn't tell her she can't see him, unless you can ABSOLUTELY insure that she won't be able to see him. Otherwise, it's just going to seem more tempting to her. One thing is sure though... if she's already wanting to have sex and keeps seeing him, then that is going to happen eventually.

She is just way too young to have sex - she's not ready for that emotionally. Have you discussed that with her? As well as the fact that it WILL change her and the way she feels about things. Also the possibility of getting pregnant and ruining all of her future plans?

Love should also be an important factor, but I remember at 13 and 14 you think you are in love every time you meet someone, so that might not have much of an impact.

Answer 11

I would ask her what kind of sex and get her to talk to me and see what all she knows about it and what all she has done already. Lastly I would ask her to wait until you can get her to the doctor for a visit and birth control. Explain that if she doesn't do all this first then you will not help her in the future. Set an appointment with the Dr. for a month away so that the boy and her have time to cool off then you don't have to worry about her doing anything at all.