Hello,
I need some advice. My fiancée is a very charming girl who just got out of college and I can’t wait to make her my wife. However, her parents are insisting to pay for it and that we stay in their price range. I have considerably more financial resources and want a more luxurious ceremony and am quite willing to pay for it. How can I tell them I will not fly my family in for 6 dollar Champaign to be served and have a reception in a dump?
I don’t want my Katie in a wal-mart dress!
2007-10-29 04:17:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The suggestions are good, but the situation is worse then i described. I spent eight thousand on the engagement ring and they want to have basically a backyard wedding for like a thousand dollars. I understand her dad is the manager at a subway and her dad is a mom is a store clerk. I don't care, im not too good for anyone. Yet, for my honeymoon were spending two weeks in austraillia and a week in new zealand. They were shocked and said i was wasting money flying first class, there is just that level of disagreement.
2007-10-29 04:36:06 · update #1
I think if you just sit down with her parents and make some kind of compromise both party will be happy...Tell her parents OK you guys can pay for lets say the invitations and little things like that and I will pay for the dress, reception hall and the things that you want to be luxurious. Hope this helps...Good Luck
2007-10-29 04:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by Travel Girl 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is always hard when parents start throwing money into the mix. They sometimes feel they can then decide the wedding plans for you. How does your fiancee feel about this?
If she would like a little more glam, then the two of you should sit down with her parents and see if a compromise can be reached. Let them know that you appreciate their willingness to help out, but you have some certain ideas that you would like in your wedding. They can help out, but only you and your fiancee are the ones who can make the final decision. Good luck!
2007-10-29 11:50:20 · answer #2 · answered by vaya 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that if you all sat down together and told them you appreciate their help, and ask them to pay for specific things - such as the flowers, or food, etc. and that you will pay for the rest of it, they will understand.
Obviously you don't want to be blatant about not wanting to stay within thier budget for the whole wedding, because it will offend them and there is no reason for it. You want to start your relationship as their son in law off on the right foot.
By asking them to pay for certain things, and telling them what you think they are going to cost, it will make them feel like they are part of the planning, but also will let them know that you are paying for everything else. This will give them some feeling of involvement and control without giving them complete control over the financial arrangments.
My suggestion would be to ask them to pay for something like the flowers and the tux's -something that is not as important to you guys that they can have a choice in.
2007-10-29 11:24:48 · answer #3 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that it is fine to just sit down and talk with them. It will be very important to be humble and to let them know how appreciative you are of everything they are doing. Meanwhile, let them know that you feel very strongly about paying for some of the wedding as well and you will be insulted and upset, if they don't allow you the joy of doing this small thing.
Please don't bring up the issue that you have more financial resources, it will just hurt their feelings. Although you may have more money, I am sure the amount they are spending is as much as they can afford and it is fortune to them.
2007-10-29 11:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What does the bride have to say about all this? She is the one who needs to talk to her folks if anyone does. You talking to them about money is only going to make them angry and you frustrated. Let her tell the parents that you are not trying to insult them. That the two of you had plans & visions for the wedding, and you really appreciate all the support they are giving you. But, you want to suplement it with some of your own money.
Talk to the bride about how she wants to handle it. You should have a united stand on this. If she is not in favor of going against her parents' wishes, then you may have to deal with that.
2007-10-29 12:10:24 · answer #5 · answered by valschmal 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would politely tell them that there contribution to your wedding is more then welcome, however you will also be paying for some things as well to give you are bigger variety of options to choose from. Either way this day should be the way you and your future wife want it to be.
However i do have to say, that weddings do not have to have alot of money spent on them to be beautiful, in the end the day is only about one thing, the love of two people, and that is more beautiful then any lavish party...
best of luck to you, and congrats.
2007-10-29 11:23:01 · answer #6 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As has been stated, your fiance's opinion needs to be factored in, but assuming she is with you:
Here's an idea - ask if they would host an engagement party instead ?
This way they can spend their money on that party, you can bite your tongue for that day and you can have the wedding you & your fiance want.
2007-10-29 12:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
We had a similar situation surrounding my shower. My mom was going to throw one at this place she works part time, but it's really awful--I mean they hang toilet seats on the walls as decorations!--I didn't want my shower there, but there was no way on earth I was going to tell my mom anything she was wanting to do for me wasn't good enough. I think that's beyond awful. My fiance said I deserved to have my shower in a nice place, etc (like what you're saying)...anyway, his aunts offered to host a shower for me, and I told my mom they offered, and she knows I really love the place they chose, and I explained it to her in a way that wouldn't hurt her feelings...she's thrilled they're interested enough in me to even think of doing something like that for me, and I'm happy my shower will be held at a nice place....the bride should talk to her family and thank them for offering, but insist that you pay for it as a couple, and tell them don't be concerned with the cost at all--please just come and have a great time! You certainly don't want them to feel awkward or unappreciated when they're offering what they're able.
2007-10-29 11:55:22 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell them that you want to give their daughter the fairy tale wedding of her dreams. Tell them you would be honored if they would host the dinner after the wedding rehearsal. Good for you in giving your fiancee a big wedding. You sound like a dear.
2007-10-29 11:22:36 · answer #9 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You and your fiance must take charge and drill into the parents heads "this is our wedding, this is our day"!!! It's not their day, its yours! You can suggest that they can have the honor of taking care of things like flowers, invitations, DJ/band etc and leave the food, drinks, gifts etc up to you and your fiance. Try it! It will be painful and annoying trust me I went through it also however they will eventually compromise with you since they are your parents and they will not intentionally mess up your wedding day.
2007-10-29 11:22:14 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Marisa's Mommy♥ 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋