A question about marriage for Christians, please?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years now, and have remained pure for all this time even while studying at the same college and living in the same dorm building. This has been extremely difficult, but we have upheld it to the point of suffering. Recently, however, we've been praying about it and it seems like it's time to get married. We are getting close or are already at that point where we can't physically resist being together a lot and wanting to be extremely close. We are both spiritually and emotionally united, and have been counseled that we are ready for marriage. My parents are not Christians and would never allow me to marry as long as I'm still in school. I have 2 more years to go in college. My fiance and I are hearing the call of God to be married, but with my parents it's simply impossible. Our bodies want to be united, but we don't want to commit fornication. What is there for us to do?? Please help. Thanks!

to those who are saying that we are getting married just for sex-

allow me to clarify: my fiance and I are united in almost every way except physically. We grow spiritually together and make life/future decisions together. To us, the only things that we do not do are live together and have sex with each other. Those two things we believe God has set apart for just married couples who feel the desire given by Him to be united as one. We are not bypassing the other important facets of marriage, but that we can experience those without being legally married as well. We are living in the responsibilities of a married couple- we just hesitate to have sex or live together without the God-ordained act of marriage.

Answer 1

You two are a living witness to everybody who comes near you. God bless you both.

If you are both feeling the call of God to marry, then you should marry. If your family is opposed, there may be consequences, but the Bible tells us to leave our parents' home and become one flesh with our spouse. Any difficulties you encounter you will overcome. If you wait, the "perfect" moment may never come.

I agree with Oregon that a sincere and serious talk with your parents might end their opposition and would be a good thing. At least if you go forward without their blessing, you will know you have done right by them.

Answer 2

Assuming you are of age, you shouldn't need your parents' permission to marry. It's nice to get it, but you still have to make the right decision for yourself.

Since you have been through counseling, it sounds to me like it's fine to get married, even though you have two more years of school. You may have to have a very simple wedding, as your parents likely won't pay, but big deal.

I'm a Christian and my parents are not. They thought I was rushing into marriage and also wanted me to wait, but I was an adult making an adult decision with proper preparation. We've been happily married for more than 13 years and I love him more now than I did all those years ago when my parents said it wasn't a good idea.

I just wanted to add, I know a young lady who planned on saving herself for marriage, met the perfect guy and upheld her commitment to chastity. When her boyfriend formally asked for her hand in marriage, her parents refused and insisted that they live together for at least six months first.

So, not wanting to be disobedient to her parents, the two moved in together. You can guess what happened next. Then they got engaged and everything seemed right in the world.

And then three months before the wedding, they split up. I still don't know why, but not only does she have to deal with the devastation of the loss of this "perfect" relationship, she has to deal with the fact that her parents basically made her get into a situation where it was nigh impossible for her to maintain her virginity before marriage, and now she's lost it to the person who will never be her husband.

You know what the right thing is, so you should do it.

Answer 3

I know that it is a hard thing to do. But it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks or say. It's what GOd wants you to do. If you believe that God has spoken to you or the both of yo to be married, then follow His Word. I can understand why your parents want you to finish your eduacation first. You will need to talk with them and just let them know that you will be getting married & would love them to be apart of it. That's what God would want also. Just pray over this situation & let God take care of them. The both of you must clear out any doubts that ya might have about this marriage. Don't get married cuz that certain disire keeps coming up. Do what God tells you and only Him..Keep Praying & Keep the Faith.......God Bless

Answer 4

It is pleasing in God's eyes that you are waiting until you get married. Bless You.

1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

If you are about to commit fornication you need to get married. It's obvious you love your fiance you have been together for two years.

1 Corinthians 6:13
Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


Matthew 19:5
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

You are not dishonoring your parents by honoring God. You are not wanting to sin. This is righteous.

If you are in college you should be old enough to get married. At least 18.
So how do they keep you from getting married? Is it money for college? When it comes to your soul you can't let money get in the way.

1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Answer 5

You have gotten this far- you CAN go a bit further, all you need is more patience, and remind yourselves why you decided to stay chaste in the first place. Believe you me- Satan would like nothing more than for you to succumb to temptation.

There are practical reasons why it's best to wait till after college to marry (I'm sure your parents have told you already), but there are no fast and hard rules against it. You can sit down with your parents and express your feelings. Communicate with them, show them that you respect their views.

In the meantime, take all necessary precautions not to place yourselves under temptation, like being alone together in isolated places, "making out" etc. Make it a matter of prayer, Jehovah understands human emotions and weaknesses, he'll help you be strong.

Your course of moral chastity is very pleasing to God, and each day you get by without giving in is a victory to God and a defeat for Satan. Keep it up!!!

Check out the book Young People Ask, published by Jehovah's Witnesses. There's some good scriptures listed that can help.

Answer 6

To be honest with you fornication is one of the sins that God tells us to flee, meaning run from. I feel that you all want to get married based on the fact that you are now realizing the intensity of the lust that you have for each other. Marriage is more than just being allowed to have sex. It more about building each other up in the things of God and allowing God to position you both for where He wants you to be in Him. You have to be effective together. I am not sure you are ready for marriage, not because of school, but because of your motives. Think about it some more before you make that decision.

Answer 7

Why don't you just get married? That doesn't mean anything has to change with your school situation, it just means you've made a commitment to each other. If you're ready to make that commitment, it's better to do it even if you're not in the best living situation (as far as still being in school) than to just go on like you are now.

Answer 8

As long as you are over the age of 18 there is no reason you can't get married. If your parents do not support it just because you're still in school, you need to make sure they understand that you getting married doesn't mean that you're quitting school. Good luck

Answer 9

1. Getting married for sex is always a bad idea.
2. Your parents have no say over when you get married - they just might not pay for it.
3. Fornication is a silly concept created back in the dark ages to keep people from getting pregnant. We have contraceptives now. "Fornication" is outdated.

Please be an intelligent adult about this.

Answer 10

You need to sit down and have a long talk with your parents, dear one. Even if they aren't Christians, you are to honor them by acting Godly toward them. Explain to them how you feel, in depth. Tell them that it is TIME for you to marry. Assure them that your schooling won't suffer and that you both intend to continue your studies and graduate.

If you are loving toward them in your approach of this, they will understand. I promise!

Be sure to pray about it first, however and God bless you both!!