How do you show interest in a girl without appearing desperate?

Question

I'm a guy, early 30s, great job, good looking, love to meet new people and love making people laugh. Whenever I go on a date, I act myself, have an easy-going light conversation, but after a couple of dates, there really isn't much else that's "new" to talk about. I feel like I'm the one that has to keep the conversation going while the girl just sits there looking pretty and expects to be entertained. I hate that! And when I show interest in a girl by complementing her (which I try to do in a subtle way), I notice that the same girls who were nervous around me -or- seemed interested in me suddenly act like they have the upper hand or start flaking out. What can I do to sustain their interest during dates? What do guys talk about on the 4th, 5th, 6th dates? I enjoy doing typical things like movies, theater, hanging out, etc. Also love cooking and traveling and have cooked at home for girls in the past. But after the initial dates, how do I show/sustain interest in a subtle way?

Answer 1

Try to talk about something you like, or something you enjoy. Then, maybe you can ask their opinion on it and maybe you'll manage. Just keep the conversation going, say what you like cooking and make sure you say some comparison between your special ingredient and the girl. Like, for instance in chocolate chip cookies, "You know, my cookies wont taste the same without these chocolates. Like with you, my life wouldn't be the same without you," something like that.

C'mon man, keep it up. Just DONT sound awkward. Keep the talk comin' naturally, dont stammer. Keep your cool and remember not to compliment to much, they might think you desperately want something.

Answer 2

Compliments and acts of chivalry spoil the recipe when a man is attempting to hook a woman. Save these for later, when you're officially deep into the relationship. When you compliment her, you would think that she would be receptive to such a positive thing, whether it be direct or indirect; however, female thought processes are in fact complex when it comes to attraction. Every time you compliment a woman, you seek her approval; and although she doesn't consciously acknowledge this, her brain does. As you know, men who seek approval always get shot down, it should be the other way around, SHE should be seeking your approval. As for keeping up the conversation, you must do all the work. Conversing with a woman can be difficult sometimes, especially when on the 4th 5th or 6th dates and so on....As for conversational tactics... talking about yourself is a major turn-off for women (once she's yours, its different). Women are intrigued by mystery. Ask questions, then ask more questions. Be creative, spark interesting conversations, stimulate her. Playful teasing (not too friendly though) does the trick. You can also try non-conventional dates (stay away from the movies, dinner, etc.) Take her to a ball game or a museum, something different. You no longer need to exhibit your interests, women are master artists at identifying whether or not a man likes them, so don't preoccupy yourself with that. Instead focus on keeping her hooked. Remember to make her seek your approval; establish yourself as the prize. Women LOVE challenges. Good luck buddy

Answer 3

Jeez woman can just be plain difficult cant they now. Really when you reach an age where you are dateing at a more mature lvl such as yourself I dont belive that you would ever apper desprate overtime we grow out of such stigmas so as you are now just be yourself thats all you need to do. Dont be affraid of seeming desprate as really I doubt you will and woman like that little bit of extra effort anyhow.

As for conversation well just ask an open ended question something that cant be ans via yes or no and something you belive has a bit if a story begind it you will be able to base a conversation from there. Dont forget woman love attention so listen or well ay least look like you are even if the conversation bored you just be sure to look like your captivated by it. Hmm what I am concerned about though is you are in your 30's so I assume your dates are as well and they are "flakeing out" on you. Just ensure these woman have the maturity to sustain a conversation with you that you share a simler mentality as without that well no sparks will be flying.

But again just be yourself dont think you have to put all the effort in let her do some of the work to. If you find they flake out or you just being the man you are isnt good enough for them just remember that there are plently of other women out there.
Good Luck Honey

Answer 4

Don't try to impress her. If she isn't talking or contributing then you should be the one who starts to get a bit bored (maybe starting on the second/third date). Act like you have options, so she has to impress you or you'll move onto someone more deserving of your time. Don't be nasty about it though, just communicate in a subtle way that you have a lot of other things in your life and she isn't the most important. Then she needs to work some to maintain your interest. Why would you want to go out with anyone who is boring anyway? Good luck!

Answer 5

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RE:
How do you show interest in a girl without appearing desperate?
I'm a guy, early 30s, great job, good looking, love to meet new people and love making people laugh. Whenever I go on a date, I act myself, have an easy-going light conversation, but after a couple of dates, there really isn't much else that's "new" to talk about. I feel like...

Answer 6

first of all, if your qualities are as you say, then you have a lot going for you. If you are rushing things, 1st date, then 2nd date right away etc. you may be coming on to strong and seem to be to needy etc. So what you do is take your time and remember when it comes to conversation, it doesn't have to be non stop! Let her talk and initiate questions etc.
Make small talk about things other than your self and ask her her ideas to things and her likes and dislikes etc. The more pressure you put on your self the awkward the situation will be, so just be yourself and don't worry so much! A women likes a guy with self confidence and a nice smile.

Answer 7

You need to ask her questions that require more than an a yes or no answer, ask open ended questions. That way you are able to relate in a different way and maybe she will tell you stories. If you ask an open ended question then she will have to talk and maybe then she will feel more comfortable around you. Also have you tried like a group date or couple date, you will be able to see how she interacts with others and maybe if you invite one of her friends and a date to go with y'all then she will act more her self. what is you all time fav movie and why? What are 3 things you can not live with out and why? what is your fav childhood memory? If you could have dinner with any 3 people dead or alive who and why?

Answer 8

I hear you man, completely!

First of all, you do NOT show interest in a girl. At least until she is having sex with you. See, you are starting to figure out what works and what doesn't. You have to keep her on toes all the time as to whether you are attracted to her. Once you go overboard and she KNOWS you are into her there is simply no spark anymore and you are unlikely to get laid unless she already wants to jump your bones.

Push, pull. Say something nice... then make a joke at her expense and rile her up, then do something nice again, then push her away. Oh, and you DO NOT have to entertain her. High status people are the ones who expect others to entertain THEM. Don't worry about offending her, in fact she EXPECTS the man of her dreams to be qualifying her. Talk about anything you want. Ask her anything you want. If she gives you lame or boring answers pretend to lose interest. If you didn't enjoy yourself don't invite her to any more dates. Never attach yourself to one girl at this stage; have some self-esteem.

Oh, and don't compliment any superficial stuff (in fact you have already noticed it doesn't work). Beauty is nothing to compliment about, it immediately puts you in a wuss category. Beauty just means she won the genetic lottery, what's the big deal about that. Compliment inner qualities only, if she says or does something that impresses you (even then, especially then, do NOT turn on neediness or dwell on it). She needs to feel like she has worked for you and earned you. Accuse her and tease her of being lame or conceited if she starts fishing for looks compliments.

Finally, 4th, 5th, 6th dates? Gotta be kidding me. Stop wasting your time. If by that time you aren't getting laid or at least being sexual in some way, e.g. passionately making out, you are at best friendship material.

Answer 9

Listen. Women usually love when a man will listen to her. I know I do. It's even better when a man can respond with questions or more about the topic to talk about.

Answer 10

By the 2nd date you should be genuinely interested in her life, so ask her about it .....