My boyfriend and I of 11 years with a four year old son have decided to give each other space. He moved out a couple of days ago and it was a mutual decision. We fought alot over everything and we were not getting along at all. It was starting to affect our son and each other so we decided to make this decision. We've never seperated before and we told each other that we needed to see if we were happier together or apart. My question I guess is how do you know if giving each other space is working and how long do you give each other space before you decide which way your going to take the relationship.
2007-10-29 02:33:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Baby girl...Why did you let him leave? You made it hard, so hard to get him back. Hard, but not impossible. It happened to me earlier this year. I came back 2 months later...with God's help.
This is what to do
1) Talk to him. Normally I would say "give him space"...but not in this case. Get back in there and TALK. NO ARGUING, YELLING, SCEAMING, or GUILT-TRIPPING. No crying.
All emotions must be held in check.
2) Once calm, talk seriously about the problems in the relationship. Make no judgements, complaints, or sacrastic comments. Just clearly articulate the situation.
3) Find the cause...It's usually emotional. If he is tired of something, it is something he put up with or dealt with unsuccessfully. Same thing for you.
What is it? Is he insensitive to your feelings about something? Is it a behavior that led to the separation...or is an event that led to it?
4) Find a comprimise. Ask, "What can I DO to make this better?" What can I DO to make it work? When you show that your willing to take personal responsibilty for the happenings in the relationship, you get the other person off the hook and show that it's a team effort.
5) Pray. pray alone...pray together. Seek spiritual counseling. I know personally what God has done for me. Prayer moves mountains.
6) Have his son call him. Have him talk to his son after you've finished talking to him on the phone.
Doing this maintains the family dynamic.
7) Keep positive. Stay upbeat and motivated to resolve this situation. Love truly is the most powerful force in the universe.
Stay strong. You'll be OK.
God Bless
Good luck to both of you
Take care and please keep me posted.
2007-10-29 03:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by joseph t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
giving each other space is really a sugar-coated term for "I don't know if I want to be with you anymore." if you made the mutual decision to see if "we were happier together or apart" you must both been questioning the love for each other and the relationship
you two have been together for a long time...it's not surprising that you are feeling this way...people and relationships change over time, sometimes they grow closer, sometimes they grow apart, sometimes they grow closer but you fall out of love with each other
to answer your question: yes, spending time apart does help - it is a time to think if you are truly happy in a situation and see what you really want. my husband and i broke up for a few months before we got engaged - it was awful i was devestated but honestly it helped both of us re-evaluate the relationship, how we felt about each other and also let us tie up loose ends that had been hanging over our relationship - we wouldn't be where we are today if we hadn't broken up.
the thing you need to keep in mind is that you have no committment to each other right now - so anything you do neither has control or say over. plus-if you decide to get back together you will have to deal with all the issues during the relationship as well as any issues during the break up (say one or both of you starts dating someone else)
2007-10-29 09:49:36 · answer #2 · answered by beast 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time it doesn't, but if two people really love each other they will realize after being apart that life is better together.
Also, if one person has issues, emotional or substance related, that are effecting the other person, space is the only thing that will help. (not exclusively but alot) So the person would have to deal with their issues and then be able to be in a good relationship, you can't stand a good relationship with issues.
But it could be that you two are just taking each other for granted and are too used to each other, if that's the case you will see that you miss being together and maybe if you get back together you can have a good relationship full of respect.
2007-10-29 09:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, why not giving yourself a chance or space each other? maybe it will be the best for both of you. The child will be the one to sacrifice in your own insanity, how you raise him (son) properly and what's the arrangement financially etc......All of these has to take into action if you will decide to separate from each other. Think 100x before you do it. God bless!
2007-10-29 09:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by hottstuff 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey you can't get answers about being happily separated from your boyfriend on the yahoo answers. ONLY YOU know within your heart if you are happy with the separtion. Think about it. What you are doing is trying to get feed back from people and their similar situations. Which isn't the same. YOur best bet is to evaluate YOUR feelings. Not his but YOURS and see how you feel. Also if you have been together for 11 yrs and no marriage then maybe you should go on with your life and make sure you are receiving child support and that reminds me since he is not there you better start getting it. OCSE look it up in your area. Don't worry about him make sure you get your $$$$. email me direct about that if you need info. guys flip when it comes to child support. make sure you get your money for your child.
2007-10-29 09:43:26 · answer #5 · answered by renosgirl2006 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It worked for me.
My boyfriend and I were miserable when we couldn't get to see each other and it made our relationship stronger.
If you love each other your hearts will definitely grow fonder. But if you're just together for convenience sake after being together for so long, than you'll figure that out as well.
It's a healthy step, don't worry.
I hope it works out well for you.
2007-10-29 09:38:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
since u r apart u should try being friends hang up like friends u never know jus by acting like u can c were things went wrong
2007-10-29 09:44:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not giving space, you just broke up. He's going to go out and do whatever he wants, he's not living with you, and you can't check up on him. Is that what you really wanted?
2007-10-29 09:36:39 · answer #8 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hey yes is will work, but dont do it for a long time, space always brings back that "connection" i wish the best to you!
2007-10-29 09:39:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never worked in my experience.
2007-10-29 09:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋