Ok, here's my story with girls. I've dated on and off since I was about 17. Back in 2001 I met the most amazing girl on the planet, Shanna. There really isn't one word to describe her: perfect is an understatement by every measure. We clicked right off the bat and spent alot of time together. We never officially dated since she had a boyfriend but I know where her heart truly belonged. Now, I'm moved away and though I constantly think about Shanna and wish everything would have worked out I"m fairly certain she's in my past, which tears my heart to shreds thinking about it. I love that girl more than life itself and I would gladly die to protect her. So, very girl I think i might be interested in now I automatically compare to Shanna (and of course, in my mind, they dont compare). How can I stop doing this?? I've tried, I know its not healthy for dating but I can't help it. I've almost resolved myself as being single forever. Help!
2007-10-28 23:17:47 · 8 answers · asked by ethereal_slumber 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok more details based on this Johndeer...blah blah guys response. For one, yes we never officially dated, that doesn't mean anything. Everyone knew how much she liked me and they all pressed us to get together. Two, she was dating her boyfriend at the time for 6 years. She didn't have the heart to break up with him for seemingly "no reason" when he had been sooo good to her. It doesn't mean she loved him. They were more like a brother/sister relationship. Two, stalking?? Wtf, um no. Obsessed? Maybe a little. But I'll tell you something. When you meet a girl that is this"perfect" as I put it, you might understand. She's not perfect, of course not - but she's perfect to me and thats all that matters. And yes I would die for this girl "i've never dated." I'm not trying to show her how much I care with false words I don't mean. I mean every word of that. As I said, because we didn't date doesnt mean a thing. We were in love and that matters...
2007-10-28 23:43:26 · update #1
Lily, she doesn't believe in marriage nor do I. Of course everything I think of her is all in my mind. I'm not really pining over this girl per se. My point is this: She raised the bar so high in my mind that I find it hard meeting girls that share similar traits that I like. Shanna embodied what I was looking for in a girl. When you can love someone for who they are, truly who they are, you will know. And then you will understand.
2007-10-28 23:47:56 · update #2
It is good to fall a few times, get hurts, and then after that stand up again, there is no harm. The moment you find you have gone astray, come back, lift up your head and carry on your life. Life has to be learned through trials and errors. Never give up buddy and Have fun!
2007-10-29 00:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by hottstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're still enfaturated with this girl from 6 years ago.
You're probably still comparing every other girl you meet or date to her, and not really comparing to who she really is, but who she is in your imagination. You've built her up to be soooo perfect, even though she's human and not perfect.
Take a year off, don't date anyone, don't TRY to date anyone for a year. Get some help in sorting out your feelings for this other girl from 6 years ago. Die to protect someone you've never even dated ? That's not true, you just think that by saying things like that, she'll "see how much you care and she'll come around"
And you say you never dated her? Sounds like you have some issues, buddy. I think professional help is the way to go. You might be stalking this Shanna girl. You're on the verge of being obsessed with her, and that's not healthy.
2007-10-28 23:24:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
write down a list of all the things you loved about her...try to think of things that you may have NOT loved about her as well. Did you love the way she laughed? Did you hate the way she belched in public? Be honest with yourself, and really think about this one...everyone has flaws, even Shanna.
When you were together, what activities did you enjoy doing? Where did you go to hang out? When you were apart, what did you do with your spare time? Make an effort to do some of these things without her, if you loved to go skating with her, and you loved the way she laughed when she would fall, go skating by yourself...If you love Rock music, go to some concerts...Do things that you liked to do without her, and things that you enjoyed doing with her...these are the places you'll meet people with similar traits (the ones you wrote on your lists), and with traits similar to your own.
I honestly think you need to just not date at all for a year, think about the other things you want in life. Spend some time doing the things you enjoy, and make some friends with the people you met doing the activities you enjoy...I promise you, you will soon notice the new women around you, and you may even find someone with all of the traits that you enjoy in a partner.
I know it's hard, so I wish you luck...you can do this...there are tons of other women out there, and you're not helping yourself by spending so much time on Shanna...
Good luck!
2007-10-28 23:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish there`s a man who really would wait for me that long!!! 6 years is a bloody long time !!!
Why don`t you just tell her that you actually love her?? It doesn`t matter she has a bf or not, it`s between you and her, telling her your true feelings actually will flatter her...but never compare yourself to her bf, you should never talk bad about her bf. Even if in the end you finally with her and things don`t go like what you imagined, then it`s allright too... Human makes mistakes.
If you`re not ready for a new relationship, then...wait. There's no such thing as late in starting a relationship. Just remember not to hurt other people`s feeling. I`m sure one day you`ll just meet the right person. Good luck^^
2007-10-28 23:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by annica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up. What you need to do is quit looking. Thats when you will find the girl of your dreams. Thats how I met my husband. We had both completely given up on the opposite sex and had resolved to just work and forget about dating. I went to work at a restuarant and he was a cook there. We became friends and then fell in love. My point is that we weren't looking for anyone and then we met. I truly believe we were meant to be together. There is hope for you. Just quit looking and you will find her or she will find you. Good luck.
2007-10-28 23:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by Schoolgirl504 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is with you guys? One guy I know pines for 30 years for a girl and another guy just told me he was in love with a girl for 18 before she dropped out of his mind.
Your relationship with her was all in your mind!!!! No one will ever compare to the thought you have of her. Please guys leave all other women alone until you grow up. If she truly loved you she would have married you!!!!
There are girls that love to make men fall in love with them and never have a true feeling for the man in return. Believe me!!! It is all a game to them. They look like sweethearts on the outside but are devils on the inside.
2007-10-28 23:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can be single forever.. and that dosen't seem to me that you need help at all..
2007-10-28 23:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by live&let_live 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DUDE I was in the EXACT same position as you!
email me!!!
2007-10-28 23:20:55 · answer #8 · answered by roll ova rova 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋