I am afraid I am going to do something stupid?

Question

I have lost my first love and due to some unfortunate circumstances we never consummated our relationship.

Now, I am seeing another guy that I don't like as much as the first one. I am afraid I am going to sleep with him out of hurt and desperation.

I am 25, so don't give me the "wait to loose your virginity till you are older".

My ex was also good in bed (don't ask how I know this!), which this guy isn't.

I just feel very vulnerable at the moment.

What should I di?

Murphy's Law - Dear, a woman who had sex is not tainted.

And I guess the first one was good based on our discussions about sex - he knew lots of stuff, at least theoretical

Answer 1

Your virginity is not relevant here in the least. It really is about why you believe you will end up sleeping with this man although you readily admit he rates second, not in one department, but in two (i.e. in your eyes). Unless you have slept with a man then you cannot judge his performance (anything you hear is just that - hearsay). Also a man can vary considerably from woman to woman, depending on his feelings and the circumstances at the time. Further, a man might initially be inexperienced or shy, but could definitely turn out to be the better lover at the end of the day.

You say you do not like the new guy as much as the old, this is understandable in the sense that your consideration for sleeping with the new one is because you are hurt and depressed over the old one still. Seemingly therefore, this is not a sexual experience borne of love or lust, but the need for either comfort, the need to be needed, or self destruction (as in doing something you don't really want to do for the sake of low self-esteem or I don't care anymore attitude.

You don't say how long it has been since you broke up, nor how long you have been seeing this new guy. You do need to be very careful that you do not end up with this man on the rebound. Not only will it end in dissatisfaction for you, you could really hurt him.

At the end of the day, the decision really is your own, as only you can honestly answer as to why you want to sleep with the guy. The main thing is be true to yourself as to your reasons, and don't ever let desperation cause you to rush.

At this point, I would like to tell you a little joke.

There was an old bull and a young horny bull way up on the hillside when they spotted a paddock of cows in the distance. The young bull took off at a gallop for lust was on his mind. The old bull just merrily saunted through the paddocks until some time later he joined the young bull who was laying in the grass puffing and panting, and gasping for his breath. The young bull exclaimed 'you're gettin' too old for it popsy. I've raced down the hill at record speed and I've had my way with three cows, and you are only just arriving? I think I'll take a nap now'. The old bull just replied as he headed for his first cow 'only three! I've taken my time getting here, and I'll take my time doing them all'.

I think I've forgotten the proper joke, but the moral is, don't rush in, take your time and get the best of the lot.

Believe in yourself. Time WILL heal you. Sometimes we have to give some things up in life in order to receive something better (even if we thought that impossible).

Answer 2

Sex has nothing to do with every relationship. If you didn't have sex with your 1st love it just means something wasn't right, so don't make a wrong move to try to get that 1st feeling back. If you don't like this guy as much then you are with him out of rebound, take it slow and don't do anything rash. You may even want to leave this guy if you're not happy with him. Go and find you true love he is out there waiting :)

Answer 3

Just because you don't want to wait until you're older doesn't mean you have to do it with this guy. If you really don't like him, dump him now. He's not going to get any better and you might end up hurting him as well. Give yourself time to heal and let guys know that you're not ready to jump back into a serious relationship.

Answer 4

It's normal to feel vulnerable after a failure relationship. But it's defintely not wise to fall into another relationship due to hurt & desperation...and don't talk about sex. You may end up hurting yourself and other more later.

Answer 5

Just go and do it with the new guy, If its good its good and if its bad then, well its only sex....Pick up and move on. Or if you really are that vunlerable, ditch both guys and be alone for awile, If you cant be single and okay, then any realationship you have will always be co-dependent.

Answer 6

When we feel we should not or this may not be a good idea.
Your intuition is probably correct.
Junking your ethics for half a satisfaction is not character building.
It is your reflection in the mirror you face each day, let it reflect grace and joy that shines for others.

Answer 7

You'll never love anyone as much as your first love. But you need to let him go to move on with your life. If your seeing this guy (like he's your boyfriend) then sooner or later your going to sleep with him, you can't KNOW that he's bad in bed until you give him a chance. you never know, he may turn out to be your next love...

Answer 8

you already know that what you are contemplating to do (sleep w/ your bf out of hurt) is stupid...then dont....never do things out of whim or emotional turmoil...you will only regret them later on....if you can ask your bf for a relationship time-out, the better...take time to analyze first your feelings and calm down...you already know what is right and what is not...decide if this guy deserves your gift of virginity....if not, then hold onto it until you do find a guy who will be worth it....dont rush into things that you might regret

Answer 9

Your ex was good in bed, and yet you're a virgin huh?

Wow...you must know something we don't?

Yeah you either are a virgin or you're not....so if you know that one guy is good in bed and the other is not, clearly you're tainted and you're not a virgin.
Otherwise you wouldn't be able to say that you know whether or not they're good in bed.
......yeah just sleep with him and get it over with if it will make you feel better.

Answer 10

I only say this because you asked, but since you are feeling apprehensive, perhaps it is your subconscious telling you to wait! I personally think you should wait as well, but it appears to me that you already know the answer, don't disappoint yourself by going against your own inner voice. Otherwise, just be safe.