LDS answers only?

Question

Okay. Well, I'm 17 and I think it's time I get my patriarchal blessing. The thing is, I don't want other people to be there. I'm from a family of seven. I'm the last to get my blessing and my parents have been to all of my brothers' and sisters' blessings. I don't want them there. Can I just talk to my bishop and get it all approved and then just not tell my parents I'm getting it? I don't know if they would be hurt if they didn't get to hear it or not. Basically, my question is: is it bad not to have my parents there if I don't want them to be?

Answer 1

i don't see it being a problem that you get your blessing alone- actually most people do it this way. The hard part would be wether your parents would get their feelings hurt because you would be the only one that they didn't hear. First, what i would do is examine why you don't want them in there- is it because you feel this is something special just for you, embarassment, just want to break the mold of the family- you need to examine why this is important to you. Then you need to talk to your parents. Once who have truly examined why this is a big deal for you, you can better explain it to them so that there aren't any hard feelings. If you tell, "just cause", or because i don't want you in there" that doesn't really convey your real reason too well, and i might hurt their feelings. I think if you are honest and up front with them, they will understand. But not telling them and going behind their back most definatley will hurt their feelings! so please don't do that!! Make a compromise that they go with you, but not hear the blessing- or agree to let them be the first to read it when you recieve your copy- something that you feel comfortable with. But remember, if they seem to be a little hurt, it because for a parent, a childs independance is scary. it reminds them that you don't need them anymore, that you are almost and adult. they spend a majority of their lives caring for you, playing with you, worrying about you, praying for you, doing everything for you and your family, and suddenly when that all starts to change, it's like they are losing a part of themselves- so be patient and understanding- they aren't trying to control you, they just don't want to feel like they are losing you. it's wierd i know, but you will understand it one day i promise!!!

Answer 2

I think it would depend on your personality and your relationship with your parents. If you are the type of person who is like, "I don't want anyone in my business." around family most of the time anyway, then your parents might be a little disappointed, but I don't think it would come as a big shock. However, if you are all "it doesn't matter to me if you know everything about me" most of the time, then this will come as quite a shock to them and will most likely hurt them.
I would talk with them about it, if you have a good relationship with them. Tell them how you feel and that even though you understand that they may feel it is a special time in your life and they want to be there, you feel that it is something personal and just between you, God, and the Patriarch.

As for basically doing it behind their backs, it depends on your Bishop, but I wouldn't think that would be advisable.

I think it depends on how you approach the situation and your own personality. If you approach it from the standpoint of understanding their feelings and yet also understanding the purpose of a patriarchal blessing and that it should really only be for the person and their spouse then it should be fine. However, if you come at from a teenage tantrum point, demanding that they not be there, telling them it's none of their business, and generally being rude about it, then feelings will certainly be hurt.

Answer 3

No it's not bad, but I get the feeling that you are feeling somehow your blessing may not be all it is expected to be and in a way you don't want to let your parents down. I could be way off here. Truly ask yourself why you don't want them there. I feel it is best to talk about it with them. If they respect you they will respect your wishes. If not wait til you are 18. Unless there is some problem with your family that cannot be resolved I would have them there. It is always such a great experience. I would talk with your bishop about it, but most importantly I would talk with Heavenly Father. He only wants the best for you, and He will help you find the right answer as to what to do. I hope I am helping. I will talk about this more with you if you want. There has to be some underlying feeling as to why you wouldn't want them there.

Answer 4

It would be bad to just not tell your parents and just go and get it. You probably knew that already. I'm sure if you have prayed about it you already recieved an answer and maybe are just trying to avoid it :) If you don't tell them chances are that they will find out anyway (i/e a congrats from the bishop), and if they didn't find out they would ask you about it anyway sometime and you will then have to tell them. Even if they never found out, keeping it from them is a form of lying. That being said, it is not bad that you don't want them to be there. It is your choice. You need to just say a prayer, be sincere and thoughtful and talk to them. They will probably be very upset at first and may even insist on being there, but just stick to your guns and try and explain it in a loving and Christ-like way. Don't tell them that you don't want THEM there. Just say that this is something that you want to do alone and that you would rather not have anyone there. I'm sure if you are prayerful it will work out well.

Answer 5

Our patriarch would allow the family to come to the house, but when it was time for the blessing it was private in a seperate room.
Ask your family and your patriarch if this would be a suitable compromise.

You will get a typed copy of the blessing in the mail. Tell them if they want to they can read it later.

Answer 6

One of my children didn't tell us because he didn't know we would want to be there. It hurt both my wife and I a good deal. We love our children very much and want to be there for their significant experiences. A patriarchal blessing certainly counts as one of these.

Don't do it behind their back. That would be even worse. They would honor your desire not to have them there, but don't do that to them. Part of honoring your parents is to show them love and respect and somehow excluding them from this type of experience doesn't seem consistent with this commandment.

Answer 7

A patriarchal blessing is a personal event but it is also common to be shared with loved ones. Typically, the parents of young recipients will attend and witness the blessing. I have been to three of my six children's blessings plus my wife's blessing that she received before we were married.
My guess is that your parents would be hurt if you excluded them from this occasion. It is not wrong to want to have this be a personal event, but I would encourage you to share it with your parents since they attended all of your siblings, they are definitely going to want to attend yours as well. It woud be an affront to them if you exclude them. Please reconsider.

Answer 8

ALWAYS, have your parents involved in all Church things!

When you get 20 or so o, you can decide for yourself, be sure to include them in your wedding. And Endowment!

Have a great time, do not forget, this is the same blessing our Father gave you before you came to this earth!

Answer 9

I got mine while I was at BYU and my parents were in Ohio. So they were not able to be with me. That's fine. Talk to your bishop and your patriach. But I wonder why you don't want them there? Maybe you need to deal with those issues. I wouldn't get your blessing without telling your parents. That would definitely hurt their feelings.

Answer 10

I don't understand why you don't want them there, but it doesn't seem to me that it should be much of an issue. Being open and honest is always best. Try talking with you parents about it. Explain to them your reasoning behind your decision. It seems obvious that you've put thought into it and they should be happy that you have been contemplating it and put so much thought into it. I know I would really like to be at my future children's blessings, but it's still their blessing and their choice of who they want to attend.