Why don't people stand up to rude strangers?

Question

Recently I was at a coffee shop with my son. We were at one of the tables having a conversation, joking around, enjoying ourselves and speaking at a regular volume however, a woman turns around and tells us she doesn't want to hear our conversation and says it in a way like she's got a horrible attitude. I know she has got to be a miserable person but I don't know why she thinks I will be her scapegoat.

I come accross these people every now and again and I don't know why they think it is o.k. to behave this way. When someone is minding their own business, not hurting anyone else they should be left alone. Whatever little thing they seam to think is irritating them does not give them the right to treat another like a piece of crap. Plus, if they have no consequences they will continue to do their best to make others as miserable as they are.NOBODY deserves unwarranted attitude. Why do people let others carry on this way? It is NOT o.k.People deserve common decency and nothing else.

Well I told her just what one of you mentioned. I asked her why does she come to a public place if she expects not to hear conversation and she responded by telling me I was an attention getter and that (right in front of him) my son probably displays moments of attention getting himself. I know she doesn't know what she's talking about, normally I'm quite shy and my son is even more so plus she was the one causing a problem out of nothing, but the sad part was that my son became quite after that. Both of us are sensitive and these events leave a foul taste in my mouth afterwards, like I don't know if I should become a hardened jerk which I ultimately know is not where I want to go. I just wish I didn't feel so vulnerable at these times. These type of people just make me want to go psycho - like your gonna learn to think twice because just because I look skinny and like a hippie I can really react like I have a few screws loose.

Answer 1

Because if you were standing up to every rude stranger you saw you'd be tired by the end of the day. Perhaps that lady was one of the rudest people out there, but nonetheless rude people exist. Some times its best to just pick your battles, realize that the woman is a miserable crotch, and move on. I think in some instances it's ok to defend yourself appropriately and rationally, but really whats the point of getting into a verbal altercation with some one who is obviously not as rational minded as you are? It's not like you will change her mind. In these cases I like to be nauseatingly nice to the offender....if that were me I would've finished my coffee and conversation, then when exiting would've passed her and stopped to say a very exaggerated/sarcastic "HAVE A NICE DAY SUNSHINE!"

Answer 2

If you stood up to that woman than you really don't have a worry now. You said your piece and let it be...what is done is done. Yeah its really bizarre how some people think they own the air around them, but that is their problem and not yours. Normally, I would not have wasted my time and energy with the woman and probably would have gotten up and moved to a new table or ignored her all together. If after that she again approached me with the same complaint then I would have grounds to get in her face. But its obvious to me that she may have been bothered in the first place and rather than being the problem you were simply an irritant in her day. Try not to think about it and if you run into her again just smile and wave...that will really get her goat.

Answer 3

Because you never know when one of these cranks is going to whip out a gun and start blasting.

There are so many nut cases out there, that if somebody does something overt, my first reaction might be to say something to them, but common sense takes over, and I say little or nothing. Far better to say nothing than to have someone go postal.

Too, some people just enjoy making scenes. Sad, but for some people, this is their way of life.

If, for some reason they persist, I would bring this to the attention of the manager and let them put the person out.

Answer 4

It seems like she should have been reminded that she was in a public place and that if she doesn't want to hear you, she can always move to a different table or leave. But its better to do it in a peaceful way. That way the fault will always stay with her.

Sometimes rudeness just deserves to be ignored. That way, their message holds no weight or authority.

Answer 5

I prefer not to get started because once I start, my temper escalates and I can get way mad way fast and I do not like to do that. I was at a restaurant one night with my Mom and two cousins and we were laughing about something and having a good time and this old witch comes over (the resuarant was packed, filled with people all having a good time, I don't know why she picked on us) and leans over and was so insulting we all just sat there in shock; she said we had ruined her evening with our noise and laughter and just went on and on until my cousin's husband asked her, in a low, quiet, controlled tone, to please leave. Now. She did. I was so shocked I didn't even get mad until way after the fact!

Answer 6

I agree with Easter 2008 above - pick your battles. Especially with your child there - you don't want to stoop to her level.

Some people are just RUDE and I do sometimes stand up to RUDE people, especially if they break in line and I have been there a while (I have a bad back) plus it is just RUDE. I usually say, excuse, I believe I was ahead of you, etc.

Keep smiling.

Answer 7

I think the best defense is to laugh at her. Just laugh in her face. If she says something else, say we are happy and having fun try it sometime. Then, ignore her comments, and continue on as you were before.

Answer 8

Ha! I'll bet you weren't in the south -- I probably would have belched in her face and dared her to say anything else. I have some redneck friends that would have gone into the parking lot and rolled her car onto it's roof.

Answer 9

Who ever told you people don't stand up to rude people?

I always do when the need arises.I really don't care what time or where we are as long as i deal with his/her unacceptable display of rudeness.

Answer 10

Sometimes, I do. It depends. Often, the reason I don't is because I'm shocked by their behavior and I'm at a loss. If I'm not taken aback, I stand up.