My children were at their dad house for visitation and him and his new wife got into a physical fight?

Question

My daughter has never seen anything like that from me and my husband but she was defending her dad and saying he hit her step mom cause she wouldnt listen I am very worried the impression this is leaving with her my daughter is 9 my son is 11 what should I do?

Answer 1

I would explain to your daughter that her dads behaviour was unacceptable, whether or not stepmom listened, no one has the right to hurt another person.

I wouldn't allow my children to be exposed to any of that behaviour. The impact on children who witness this kind of thing is horrendous. Please get some advice regarding custody arrangements, before its too late

Answer 2

wow, if ever you doubted your decision to seperate, this should remind you what a great decision you made, too bad kids can't divorce parents this quickly....
unfortunately, you are going to have to talk to your ex about this.
Let him know that his daughter thinks that he was correct (as evidenced by her defense of him) and that you would like him to talk to her because you dont want HER to think that it is okay for a man to hit on her when she doesn't listen).
I am sure that if you talk to him in a non confrontational way, he will understand your point and will probably thank you for your compassion in an ackward situation.
I am sure he loves the kids and much as you do, give him the opportunity to mea culpa for his mistakes...we all make them....although you have never allowed anyone to hit you, I am sure that there have been things that have been done in front of the kids that you have regretted-
Talk to him first
his attitude will dictate your next move
-if the father refuses to talk to her
you have to tell your daughter how inappropriate this behavior is....
you might have to say that in terms she can understand
'what would happen if you were at school and you hit someone for not listening to you'....
'what would have been a better way for this to have been handled?"
she can figure out with some guidance what is right and wrong and still love her dad at the same time
This sucks for you to have to be in this situation, but you can do it

Answer 3

you should call a abuse clinic for battered wives, ask them if they have someone your kids could speak too, let them hear it from someone whos been through it , and maybe that persons kids also , that you dont do anything do deserve being hit, id also give ex hubby a talking too, tell him what your daughter has said, see what he says back, ask him what he would say to your daughters future spouse, if his explanation was that his wife wouldnt listen so he hit her, dads parenting instinct should kick in here , most men even if they are abusive would kill the man that hit their daughter. this might help hit the subject home to dad that hes setting a bad example for his children and that no one deserves being hit. if dad doesnt come around , i wouldnt send my kids back, id file a paper in family court for change of visitations ,that he have supervised visitations and anger management classes untill he can refrain from beating his new wife in front of his children .

Answer 4

I think that you have reason to be worried...if in fact this is a true story. I'm not saying that your daughter is lying because I was not there. However what has your son said? Did your husband ever show any signs of violence when you were married?

It think you have an obligation to do some investigation before you jump to any big conclusions. Once you have facts, then you have some ammunition to either confront your ex, or your kids.

I wish you, your kids and your ex all the best.

Answer 5

I would be contacting my attorney to get visitation stopped. I would not let my children back into that environment until I had had a chance to speak to the judge about what was going on.
This is teaching your daughter that it is ok to be hit if you "dont listen" Makes me wonder how many times this has happened if she is already condoning his actions. Get your kids into couseling. They need to know that is not ok.

Answer 6

Just the fact that your daughter is defending her dad's actions tells me that her father is setting a very, very bad example for her and her brother. It is NEVER okay to hit a woman, no matter what the circumstances were. Do you attend church? If so, please seek help from your pastor, and then ask if he would counsel your children. In the meantime, I would ask my former husband to please refrain from verbal and physical abuse in front of the children because they are like sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. God bless you, and I will remember you in my prayers!!!

Answer 7

That's really bad. I would call him tomorrow and talk it over with him to see what happened. Blended family issues are complex....they are probably having a problem adjusting at the fathers house....I am hoping that is what it is....because if he hits her for not listening...that is huge..it is huge for him to hit her at all really. It is not uncommon though for the dynamics of the house changing during visitation of children to bring out the worst in the couple who is the non custodial one. Find out from your ex husband what happened and see if there is anything that you can do to help....for the childrens sake...because for their sakes maybe there is something.

Answer 8

As your ex about this right away, you should know if he's lying or not. Contact your lawyer, or family court and find out what's the correct thing to do. I wouldn't stop visitations, it could wind up being trouble for you. Your kids should never have to witness something like that, tell them to call the cops next time it happens and to call you.

Answer 9

Wow! You may need to go back to court to get the rules changed for visitation. Maybe they should only see their Dad at his parent's house when the new wife isn't present. In any event, you children should know that no one deserves to be hit and that marriages should never be violent.

Answer 10

I'd call your ex immediately and tell him that you're not going to let him see his kids until him and his wife get some kind of counseling. If he refuses, set up a court date to revise his visitation days and rights. I would not let my daughter see that kind of behavior. She'll grow up thinking that it's appropriate and will seek that behavior in a man of her own.