My room mate killed himself in my home yesterday. What kind of help should I seek?

Question

The professional counselling services in my locality are an ineffective option for anyone I have ever talked to that has tried them.
I have already spoken to my parish preist.
I take Wellbuterin (anti-depression med) twice daily due to losing my home to arson 4 years ago.
My nuclear family is very close, and we have all discussed it at length (My husband, adult children and I found his body). I also have several friends who are willing to talk about it with me.
I am still so very sad and upset. I have cried for a whole day. (I haven't cried much in years)
What more can I do for my mental health?

Answer 1

You have my sympathy.

I'm going to sound a little blunt, but I'm curious why you're still on an antidepressant (a rather ineffective one, I might add) after 4 years. Counseling is usually a better alternative.

Okay, you asked for self help. Here it is. Losing a close friend or loved one is difficult and leaves an emptiness that cannot easily be filled. What you have to do is focus on healing. The best way I know how to do that is rest assured that your roommate is better off now and begin to seek closure. I know the misery that leads up to suicide... I tried twice. Fortunately, I found my way out of depression, with some help, before I would have eventually succeeded. The same book that helped me find my way out of depression can help your grief as well as your need for Wellbutrin. The book is called: "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD. It's a very well thought out guide designed to reprogram your thought processes from self destructive thoughts to self healing thoughts. It's really amazing that how you think can make such a difference in how you feel. It's not going to fix you overnight, but with some patience and persistence, you should be feeling better in a few weeks. I know it's tough, right now, but the book costs less than $20.00 and it's pure gold for your mind. I've been off meds and feeling peachy for over two years since reading that book.

Answer 2

Hello gerlawgoody,
My dad died this May and have had a series of these types of happenings over the past few years beginning when my brother died in an accident in 01. I had what they call bereavement overload, where before you have time to finish grieving one person or tragedy before having another happen. This has been going on for a long while. The best thing to do now is to cry if you feel like it. I bottled mine up and then cried myself into insanity. Just talk to anyone who will listen and cry.I can't say that I'm totally over it and am not sure that I ever will be but time helps. I think my biggest problem now is, because I had so many deaths and tragedy at one time I am anticipating the next bad thing to come. Not healthy I know but I'll have to work past this. There is a book I found helpful. It's called A Time To Mourn And A Time To Dance. For now just cry and allow yourself to feel the feelings that you are having,whatever they are. No one can really tell you how to grieve. It's different for everyone and it's something we all do on our own. Not necessarily alone but we ultimately have to find our own way through it. God bless!!!

Answer 3

I am so sorry you had to experience that, but please take some peace in knowing you could do nothing for this person, it was their choice.

Suicide is such a horrible thing because it leaves behind the people that have to deal with the horror of it (especially those that find the body). In my opinion, it is a very selfish act for that reason.

Seek out support from your family, talk, hug, or just sit and be with people. Take a stand in your mind that you will survive this, get beyond it and be a stronger person for it too. Be aware that when you go through a trauma such as this, you want to talk at length at first, but you can also begin to control that as time passes so you are not burdened by reliving it over and over again.

Live your life in a way that gets you past this, maybe when you are able contribute to a suicide prevention organization. There are groups where you can get support as a "victim" of a suicide, look that up on the internet, call your local clinic or hospital.

I think seeking out a good counselor to talk about it and ask for tools to help you move on, would be very useful. Also, dealing with the fire too, so you won't have to be on meds your whole life.

Seek out God's help too, pray for His help in healing you. Strengthen that relationship you have with Him, He is there for you. Take care, God bless.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss yesterday.When someone so close to you choose to take their own life they leave so many questions unanswered.I am not trying to sound stupid but have you actually thought about going and saying the last goodbye by viewing your friend before the funeral is held.That way you can sit and say to your friend everything you need to so that you can get things off of your chest .Just a idea.I really hope that this may be able to help you feel a little better.Take care and hang in there.

Answer 5

I'm glad that you have the support of your family around this issue. You need professional counseling sooner if not later to help you deal with it. They can't solve your problems and conflicts, but they can help you understand what your problems and conflicts are. Find some professional help in this matter and don't put it off.

Answer 6

I am so sorry about this.... well you dont good, you taked to someone, you cried..... that is a great start... I would think writting a note to get things off your chest is a great idea too... and after you write it , you can either burn it or just stick it some where .....

Answer 7

I, too, just lost someone close to me...& I found her body. I looked at recent pictures of her before she passed, to help me "undo" the final images of her when I found her.
I also wept...a lot. I planted some of her favorite flowers in honor of her, too.
It's been a month now. In time, it will get better. But for now, talk about it. This is THE best thing you can do.

Answer 8

My grandpa killed himself many years ago but I was young. I am sorry that you had to experience this. It is a horrible thing. I would say to just talk about it to anyone that will listen. Maybe your Priest can recommend someone......

Answer 9

do you have an employee-assistance program through work? they are there to talk to you through mental health (deaths as well) crises. I would definitely try to give them a call if you have access to it. you should contact your doctor and see if he/she has any counseling service recommendations.