should i put a restraing order my abusive boyfriend?

Question

we have a 20mth old child together
he hits on me not the baby
he only hits me when hes frustrated at the world
and when i dont do what he says on his time
i am so confused
i dont have supportive family
his family are always there for me, from the mother to the cousins
i am staying with his parents because my mother want the house to herself
she dont want any children there
my fathers got sent to jail because he accidentally cut my mother
and my aunts and uncles, cousins
dont keep in contact
i just started a new job
and i pray they wont give me nightshift because who's going to watch the baby overnight and take him to school in the morning
i just want anyone, somebody to tell me the GODLY!! WAYS TO GO ABOUT THIS. IF ITS NOT GODLY, PLEASE DONT REPLY......TO ALL GOD BLESS
And most of all he wont admit he has aproblem
what should i do?

Answer 1

an article from rbc.org on spousal abuse to view it below, below the link is a link to order it for free .

http://www.rbc.org/uploadedFiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDFs/When_Violence_Comes_Home_Help_For_Victims_Of_Spouse_Abuse.pdf

http://www.rbc.org/bible_study/discovery_series/booklet/31141.aspx

What is a godly response to domestic abuse for an abused wife?

Domestic abuse is a one-sided relationship where a spouse regularly seeks to control and punish his or her partner. The most common sort of spousal abuse is that of the husband toward the wife. The abuse can take many forms: verbal, physical, psychological, sexual, and financial. These are the primary methods a man uses to dominate his spouse.

Regardless of the form of abuse, there are no easy answers for a wife whose husband regularly abuses her. Financial concerns, intimidating threats, personal doubts, and a husband's ability to hide the abuse or make her feel responsibile (when she most certainly is not) are just some of the factors that leave hurting and scared wives feeling cornered with few, if any, options.

As trapped as a wife may feel, she is always free to choose the option of love. Sadly, however, too many have been taught that showing love means that a wife should passively tolerate her husband's abuse. Love is misunderstood as getting along and not upsetting one's husband. But a weak, fearful, compliant response usually enables her husband in his abusive patterns. Meek compliance on her part is not best for either of them. Nor does it serve the larger good of a godly marriage. Therefore, it's not loving.

The Bible says that showing genuine love is to "Hate what is evil; cling to what is good" ( Romans 12:9 NIV). In other words, a loving reaction is both compassionate and strong. Although her husband may not see it this way, an abused wife can show that she cares for her husband by sending the strong and consistent message that she will give him consequences for his abusive words and behavior.

A consequence is something that a wife decides to do. It's not something that she tries to make her husband do. Consequences vary depending on the seriousness of the situation. For instance, a verbally abusive episode (although still serious) often calls for her to simply end the conversation after informing her husband that she won't continue to talk with him as long as he remains controlling or disrespectful. Situations involving physical abuse may require calling the police and pressing charges. In other cases where there is a longstanding and oppressive pattern of emotional/verbal abuse, legal separation and even divorce are legitimate options to consider, but only as a last resort.

An abused wife shouldn't expect the situation to turn around quickly. Many abusive husbands apologize and act remorseful, but a wife shouldn't be misled. An abusive husband's quick remorse is often just another ploy to regain control. Other men don't apologize at all and resist admitting the harm they are causing. They continue to minimize their sin and put the blame on others. It frequently requires an abusive husband to undergo an extended time of his own personal suffering before he will come to his senses and begin the long and difficult process of understanding and owning the damage he's caused. Therefore, a wife committed to loving her husband should be prepared to stand her ground for a long period of time while her husband learns necessary lessons from the consequences he is suffering for his sinful behavior.

An abused wife shouldn't try to give consequences without help. Confronting her husband without a plan or physical protection can be a grave mistake. It will likely cause her husband to feel threatened. He is used to being in control and giving him negative consequences takes that control away. Therefore, a wife should prepare for the possibility that her husband could resort to physical intimidation and violence to regain control. She needs a plan that would help ensure her safety For example, having several friends present at a point of confrontation, having an escape plan or an alternate place for her and her children to go stay, notifying the police, obtaining a restraining order.

A wife has no assurances that his suffering the consequences will wake up her husband, end the abuse, or resolve their marital problems. She can, however, begin to love as Christ loved as she gradually begins to rest in the fact that God desires what is best for her. It may take a fairly long time to really believe this, but God is there to empower her to show love, to comfort her with love, and enliven her with a purpose for her own life no matter what happens ( Psalm 23:4 ). Her heart can begin to gain a growing confidence and peace that says, "I'm not totally powerless. I'm free to love. And although it may not work out between my husband and me, I am confident that it will work out between God and me."

Jeff Olson

Answer 2

You need to get the hell far from him and stick with some loved ones that he wont understand wheere they live. When you're there, dont contact him. Ignore all cellphone calls. Wait a couple of days, and present to fulfill somewhere public like a espresso retailer or whatever and tell him why you needed to leave. Give an explanation for the violence is out of hand and you do not should be smacked round. Explain to him that you just guys have been doing so good at the and ask what occurred, probably he's feeliung something too and hasnt taken the time to provide an explanation for or feels insecure. (we all know he is insecure when you consider that he accuses you of dishonest). You should not ought to sneak to look your pals. In case you fairly want to work things out iwth him, present for him to move to anger management classes and also you guys take things gradual. If this does not work, dont hold around. You shouldnt reward these behaviors.

Answer 3

Get the restraining order!! This is the type of person who will be abusive his whole life. If he doesn't seriously hurt you, he will hurt his child, your baby. You don't need to be raising your baby in this environment because the cycle of abuse will continue to the next generation. Legally his hitting you with the child in the house is already child endangerment.

You must work towards getting you and your baby out of his parents house! As long as you are in contact with his family, the potential for him showing up is great, irregardless of a restraining order. They are wonderful people for taking you in, but will they protect you and the baby from their son??

You know your family is not going to help. This all comes down on you! Your only priority is your child, not your love life, not your sexual needs, your life is now protecting and raising your child. I realize as a working mother you have little free time, but please find a way to discover what your community or church has in the way of help for you. I know you can do this! Mothers have been finding a way....it won't be easy but it surely will be impossible if the baby's father is a constant threat. God forbid you were seriously injured or even killed by him, what happens to the baby?? Your life is your child, that's it.

Answer 4

I know exactly where you are coming from. I am in an abusive relationship myself and I know what it's like being all alone; whether by choice or circumstance. In my case, being alone was my choice. I pushed all my family and friends away and they were only trying to help me, but the only thing I could say was, "but I love him." We have no children together, but I was pregnant at one point. The best advice I can give you is not to push away your support system and to do what is best for yourself and your child. No matter where your help comes from just appreciate the fact you have it. From the way you asked for godly responses, I can see that you are spiritual. My last bit of advice is that when you feel that the earthly help is not enough, you look toward the heavens where your greatest source of strength comes from. I wish you and your child nothing but the best. God bless!!

--Nikki

Answer 5

They is two men that hit on women. One type is that they hit on a woman, cause they too scared to hit a man, and the other, he went out in the 70's you don't see that much no more, but the way you find out which one you got. When he go to hit you, go "I'm gone call the police." If he stop doing he fixin to do, and say something like "Baby don't call the police" then you know he's a type one abuser. But if he go and pick up the phone to call the police for you, you better get that baby and run, get among some witnesses, I don't care if you butt naked get among some people! I don't mean to be mean, or ungodly, but the kind of man that hits on a woman cause he's scared to hit a man, there's only one thing you can do is stand up for your self, you got to fight back. If you don't he's just going to keep hitting you. Another thing you need to do is get away from him, stay away from him, and if it makes you feel better put a restraining order on him.

Also tell his momma, if you won't kick 'A' maybe she will, and if he's got a strong dad figure, tell him he may shoot him in the leg.

I would recommend you watch Madea Fo Real!

Play grit ball wid him!

Another thing, you defintaly need to get rid of him, because in the bible it say, and i'm gon try to get this right, that on our days on earth it is full of trouble, so why the hell you gon put more trouble on yourself staying with him, when you all ready got trouble that you been promised, life is too short, get rid of him, and stay in church!

Answer 6

Ummm....

Call the Police.
Get out of the relationship.
Never put your child in a harmful position because you need daycare, never, never, never.