I just caught my daughter with a shoping bag full of shoplifted items--what should i do?

Question

my daugher had just returned home from a day at the mall with her friend; she had a bag full of clothes, when i had only given her $20. she said there was a lot of sales that day, i asked her to show me what she got. she had at least 16 articles of clothing so i asked to see the receipt. she said she had not asked for one, and when i looked more closely at the clothes i noticed there was big holes where the plastic anti-theft buttons used to be. there was also a pair of scissors in her purse. i want to call the police so they can talk to her, but i dont want them to alert the clothing store so they can press charges or send her to a correctional facility or make her have a criminal record. she's only 15, but i dont want this to continue. i also want her to go to the clothing stores personally & admit what she did but again, i dont want them to press charges, etc. i dont mind giving the clothes back and paying for it, i just dont want her future affected by 1 mistake. what should i do?

Answer 1

You either have a talk with her and say if she does it again tell her what will happen (you will ring the police)

OR

If you think she will do it again ring the police to talk to her. SHE will have to pay it on. make her work for the money to pay it back. Then theres even less chance she'll do it again.

Its up to you mom!

Answer 2

The problem is a tough one for a loving Father. But I think it is important for your daughter to realize that there is a correct way to handle this situation.
Call a lawyer that handles criminal teenager offenses. Make the call just as soon as possible. You need to get on top of this situation before something you did not anticipate happens. This question is a good start.
There is usually a referral system in the Yellow pages at the beginning of the Lawyers section to find the right lawyer. Find a free or reasonable Lawyer that well give you good advice on this situation.
Also, you have more than one problem here. There is this other teenager involved. You don't know what her record is in this regard. You also have an other set of parents that will get involved at some point. You don't know if they will or won't be cooperative.
You probably don't want the police involved, but if the other girl talks to her parents, the parents may call the police.
Your child should also be evaluated by a mental health professional who can assess if your child is suffering from some anxiety or depression. Is she taking drugs? All of this must be checked on and covered.
Start with the lawyer first thing in the Morning. Think about talking to the other parents tonight. It is tough call.

Answer 3

Yeah!right n I am Santa Claus, ur daughter could not get all that on her best day for $20.00 in other words ur daughter is a thief n what should u do either make her take it back or call the police on her neither one of them u will do u know it and I do as well.
I could care less how old she is because she is 15 that makes it right for her to go out and steal what does not belong to her or that she did not pay for legally what is in ur mind lady u-r suppose to set and example is that ur example with that thinking!
Hey! no one made her do what she did and if her friends influenced her to join in there steal fest than maybe she should change friends or think for her self that this is not right
Well if u call the police they r going to alert the store to see if they want to press charges against her because most items stolen from at least $100.00 is considered a felony,n it is not up to u if the store wants to press charges ok u want a lot for ur daughter n nothing to happen to her as well u can't have ur cake n eat it too why don't u just be the responsible mother n let the chips fall were they may she got her self into this n that is the bottom line but yet,u-r coming up with every excuse to protect ur little thieving daughter to own up to what she did get it together lady she committed a crime it is as simple as that what r-u-going to wait until she moves up to stealing a car before u act or r-u-going to make her own for what she has done think about that.

Answer 4

I totally understand how you feel but this situation strongly calls for some tough love. She needs a big wake up call before it get way out of hand( well worse than it is) You need to take her back to the stores she got the stuff from and return the stuff. Since she has damaged the clothing by cutting out the anti-theft buttons you will have to pay for them. You are at the stores merci to weather they seek legal action or some other form of restitution.
I know this must break your heart that your daughter did this but she is making these choices and she needs to know there are consequences to her actions. You need to notify the friend's parents that she went with also so they can find out if their daughter did the same thing and so on. Parenting is not easy and kids don't make it easy. If you do nothing you are doing your child a disservice by not teaching her right from wrong.

Answer 5

I've actually went through a situation similar to this with my 16 yr. old neice just this past friday. I took her with me to my fiance's and when we went into the gas station so I could buy cigs she stole some kind of grinder for her nasty bf.

On the way home I caught her telling him that she stole it so after she got off the phone with him I confronted her about it. I told her how aggrivated I was and told her that stealing was wrong and if caught you can get fined for thousands of dollars and/or go to jail. I told her even small stores like that have cameras and she doesn't need to be stealing stuff, even if it's for 10 dollars.

If I was you I would have a talk with your daughter. If she stole that much it might be a good idea to take her to the police station and have someone talk to her. If you go there before hand and talk to someone about it, (especially if he/or she is a parent themselves) they will probably be understanding and give her the lecture she needs.

It could be that the friend she was with is putting pressure on her to steal. I know my neice used to be really guilty about stuff like that and her concious would get the better of her, but now that she's hanging around the wrong group she doesn't think it's wrong anymore.. she's even laughed about it, which I put a stop to with a firm "it's not funny."

I didnt take the grinder away from her, because we live an hour away from where she stole it and I couldn't go back, but it's up to you about what your going to do with the clothes. You'll probably have to pay for them since they have holes in them. I'm sure the manager(s) will be ok with it... they will probably just be watchful or something. I wouldn't think she would get prosicuted for a first time thing. Just make sure you nip this habit in the bud. Good Luck

Answer 6

From the scenario you describe I doubt this is the first time.
First make her pay for the clothes. If your really afraid of turning her in to the store or police, let her buy a money order and send it to the store. It definitely needs to be money she earned through some type of labor.
Second, throw the clothes away. No one should benefit by thievery.
Third, seek some type of counseling. Weather through church, school, or some third party. Stealing, in addition to being crime, is a moral offense and needs to be addressed as such.

Answer 7

I too had parents that loved me so much that they protected me, even to the point of making some wrong choices. I too was caught at the same age, and did not go to jail. At 15, first offense, she would be dealt with harshly, but her adult record would not indicate her offense. That will cure her, I beleive......I resented that my parents did not turn me in now. My protective parents, did me a great diservice by leading me to asume that I was above the law....and that lead me down the rosey path of criminal activities that eventually lead to prison. She will only be mad for a while, but she is a child, and she loves you more than you will ever know. Do not make this common mistake....the prisons are full of people that wish their parent had used some tough love.

Answer 8

Hhhmmm..just had a similiar problem with my 8 year old son today. Here's what I MADE him do......admit to it, if you talk enough, the story will twist enough that the truth will come out, despite whatever crazy lies are told. :) Once that is done, make them call the "victims" and admit it to them and apologize. After that, send the child to her room, AFTER taking out all the cool stuff like the cell phone, the tv, the video-games and so forth. My son is only allowed out of his room for the next few days to go to school, use the bathroom, take a shower, or eat....otherwise, he is in his now "uncool" room with nothing to do but read, do homework, or draw. Good luck dear, don't let this continue.

Answer 9

If you take her back to the store and return the clothes its very doubtful they would press charges, it isnt in the stores interest to prosecute people who voluntarily return their merchandise.....if the clothes were damaged and are now unsellable they would require you to pay for them...making her admit to the store she stole from them will be a great lifes lesson

Answer 10

If this is the first time this has happened, cut her some slack. everyone makes mistakes. my daughter did the same thing last month, and i found that when i made her return all the items the store owners were understanding, and then warn her if it happens again, you will personally take care of matters.