Im fighting with my mom because shes throwing me a bridal shower and I found out about it because I heard she?

Question

was asking my bridal party for help paying for the party i come to find out shes askin like 125$...my bridal party is upset because they r saying thats to much to pay...is it to much or should they be paying

Answer 1

Well, it's your bridesmaids responsibility to throw the shower, not your mother's. They should've planned it all, etc. Your mom also SHOULDN'T throw you a shower, the mother of the bride never should host the shower. The purpose of the shower is to give the bride gifts, and while it's ok for the bridesmaids to ask people to do that, it's not ok for the mother of the bride to do so. It's actually considered quite rude.

If your mom made the plans w/o consulting with the bridal party, then she really shouldn't be upset if they tell her they can't afford what she's planned.

Answer 2

Oh, wow... mom problems. I get along great with my mom, but the most we ever fought was during my engagement, and that was a lot of fighting. I think the major thing was that we had different expectations, and every time I wanted something other than what she wanted her feelings got hurt.

The other answers are correct. It is improper for the bride's mother to host a bridal shower for her. In my experience, a shower is often hosted by the bride's other family, such as her aunts, sisters, or cousins, which is permissible. I don't think I've ever been to a shower thrown by bridesmaids...

Anyway, the point is that now your mom has made plans and you don't know how to change that without stepping all over her, right? Do you have other family that would be able to host? How about a close friend of your mom's? I don't know how many bridesmaids you have, but $125 per person seems unreasonable. Bridesmaids have a lot of financial obligations anyway.

Would your mom consider scaling back the plans? I guess she has a big fancy do in mind, but could you maybe use a local church hall instead of, say, a hotel? Is there a cooking/hospitality school nearby that offers catering services at lower rates than the professionals? Could a friend do some of the food, like the cake? or decorations?

I think you do need to be firm with your mom and tell her she cannot host the shower nor expect the bridesmaids to chip in. Don't beat her over the head with this, but she simply cannot do this with any propriety. Blame Miss Manners if you have to. Help Mom find some other way to get you your shower. She's looking out for you, after all. And remind her that you love her and you think she's great for wanting you to have a fun shower, even if somebody else has to set it up.

Answer 3

I actually think it is OK for your mom to throw the party. Nowadays anything goes and I think she is sweet to want to do it. However, I do agree that she should not ask such a great amount from the bridesmaids. I would hope that she didn't just plan it and called up and demanded money. My guess is that they must have offered to help and were just surprised by the amount suggested. One of the bridesmaids needs to diplomatically contact her and tell her their finances are low for so much money. Who knows, maybe it was $125 total and someone just heard it wrong. Anyway, I also agree that you should stay out of it because you definitely should not have known about it and your mother may be embarassed if you knew the money involved.

Answer 4

I see two big problems here. First, Miss Manners tells us that hosting a shower for another family is gracious and kind, but hosting one for a member of your own family is greedy. Second, unless you make this sort of responsibility very clear at the time you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, you can't later start 'dropping bombs' on them in the form of demanding that they do this or pay for that.

If bridesmaids don't volunteer to contribute funds toward a shower, you can't make them. If someone NOT a family member doesn't volunteer to host the shower, then you shouldn't have the shower. (However, there is nothing incorrect about your family "helping" the shower's host with gifts of food, decorations, postage, offers to run errands & help with preperations, and so on. So you see how Etiquette give us 'work arounds' for the more awkward rules.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like your Dad is exceedingly controlling with the money. opposite to an excellent type of posters, all individuals however the bride can throw a bath. I believe the different posters. Your the honoree and you get to pay for it too? isn't clever. you have a decision, it type of feels. No bridal bathe (till somebody else is going to throw it), or giving her a splash funds to host the bathe. If a bath is important to you, i assume you should ask your dad to fund it, fund it your self, or get different wedding ceremony social gathering contributors or relatives to help out your mom. If it quite is no longer important to you, abandon the bathe.

Answer 6

Your mom is not supposed to be throwing your shower in the first place, In the second place it is very tacky of her to be asking the bridesmaids for money to throw the paryt and in the third place it is an imposition to ask for so much money when they will have to pay for their dresses shoes etc to be in the wedding.

I think you should just tell your bridesmaids to ignore your mom and if they want to get together to do something for you they should do that. IF you mom is determined to go ahead, let her pay for it. When she asks why the girls are not giving her any money tell her that you all decided to do something else and that is that and she is free to do what ever on her own if she still wants to do that. She should not have gone to your bridesmaids for money. Shame on her.

Answer 7

They shouldn't be paying. If your mother has decided to throw you a shower that will cost this amount of money without first consulting with the bridesmaids, she's responsible for the incurred costs.

Furthermore from an etiquette standpoint it is highly improper for your mother to be throwing you a shower.

Answer 8

it is the responsibilty of the maid of honor with the support of the bridesmaids to throw your bridal shower. it is not unreasonable for your mom to ask them for help. i do think she should talk to them about what they can afford.
but the bigger question is... why do you even know about this issue? why would one of your bridesmaids cause tension by telling you this? they should have worked it out among themselves. if i were you i would take a step back and think about why the person that told you is raining on your parade.
and don't be too angry with your mom. she is trying to do something special for you. and since your bridesmaids obviously have not stepped up to do it, you should be thankful for your mom.

Answer 9

Where I live, the family hosts the shower. So if your mom is throwing it, she should be paying for it.
However, stay out of it after you give your opinion to your mom.

Answer 10

This is between your mom and the bridesmaids.

If they cannot afford that much then they do not have to put that much towards the shower. Have them contribute as much as they can afford and not a penny more.