Forgiveness or Holding Grudges Forever?

Question

My kinfolk are Buddhist and we did something they didn't agree with and they refuse to have anything to do with us ever again. As Christians, we have forgiven and forgotten, but they keep bringing to surface over and over and will not accept our forgiveness. Do Buddhists believe in forgiveness or do they hang on until the other person(s) give in?

We apologized for hurting them. They are angry because we told them if they wanted to take our children somewhere that they needed to ask us first not the children. They think children should be able to come and go without parent's consent. (They don't have children)

Answer 1

I don't know.
But forgiveness is definetely healthier, holding grudges is bad for your blood pressure. :(

Answer 2

Buddhists are more into forgiveness than most Christians. And I'm a Christian! However, just because someone labels themselves a Buddhist or a Christian doesn't mean that we follow all the teachings of the religion. I'm sure there are also Buddhists that pick and choose those parts that they find easy and toss those that they find difficult. Like forgiving! Weird thing is, I am wondering what you are asking forgiveness for? For following the Christian faith? That means you, deep down, don't agree with it, and need forgiveness for the conversion. Hey, as a Christian, I rejoice when a new believer finds the light, but, I never want someone to accept out of curiosity or something that would make them ask for forgiveness for the conversion.

Answer 3

When you hold a grudge or a gripe or dream of revenge or hate, you are the one that gets damaged - the person you hate doesn't even notice. So the shorter time you hold on, the better for you. Especially as while you are concentrating on that feeling, you are not noticing what is going on around you, and you are missing out on chances to change your life for the better (those chance are all around all the time - just choose). So forgiveness is letting go of your resentment (just choose to drop that anger) - but you do not have to forget what happened.. It does not have to mean you have to let the person do it to you again. You do not have to let the person back into your life. Just choose something different from what you chose last time. This is the bit of forgiveness that no-one ever explains (I've come to believe that the Church has forgotten how this works).

Answer 4

How long will we hold grudges against people?

You will have a grudge for a long time. And after some time you keep it with you to show that you can not be changed a for a long time.

This is simply foolishness. You only get popular when you keep bringing up grudges when you are around other people.

You are just ruining your life.

After somebody did something bad to you.
First find out why it happened.
Then if it is your fault apologize and get it over with. And promise it won't happen again. if you can't promise that then figure something out Apologizing should not make you feel inferior. You should feel that the problem is solved.

And if it their fault you should make sure they won't do it again. Thats all.

This is the right way to handle you problems with people. Then you can keep you relationships. This is called being and acting mature

THank You

Raaja

Answer 5

So they are holding a grudge, how very human of them.

I see a couple of problems in your question.
First you say you did something that upset them and next you say you forgave them for it.
If you offended them is it not you who apologize and them that get to forgive?

You end by asking about if they might hold out until you give in, is this about a battle of will then, or is it about making peace.

Buddhist philosophy has a point about living in the here and now and letting go of the past.
Most of us do not work that way.
Forgiveness, even in your faith requires the confession of faults, repentance, possible penance, and a request for forgiveness.

If they are the ones offended, and they apparently feel justified by whatever happened they are not likely to forgive until you apologize to them.
If that is too big of a thing to do then get used to having P'd off kinfolk.

If they are bringing it up they must be having something to do with you because otherwise there would be no communications happening at all.

Answer 6

Forgiveness is very important in Buddhism. If you can't forgive others but instead carry the harm you think others caused you, what you really carry is suffering you actually cause yourself. That's not good for you and equally not good for others, neither for the person you don't forgive, nor for your other friends and people you meet, because your inner state of mind will always influence others.

If your kinfolk can't forgive, I would almost surely say it's not because of Buddhism, but because of their culture. All Buddhist countries (and all other countries) are also influenced by a lot of non-religious thinking, traditions, ideologies, other religions, in short, by the local or regional culture.

Ultimately, Buddhism teaches you how not to feel offended and hurt in the first place, whatever people do to you. If they do bad things to you, they are the one having the problem, so you should better try compassionately to help them with their problems, not feel offended. But that's easier said than done if you haven't done a lot of practice.

Answer 7

it probably depends on what it is that you did and wether you just "forgave and forgot" or also redressed whatever it is you've done.
usually buddhists would forgive, but you dont even mention that you've appologized, you say you forgave but not that you've acknowledeged the fact that they have a right to feel what they feel.
since you did not write what the issue was about, it's harder to answer your question.
perhaps the whole forgiving/not forgiving thing is related to everyone's personalities and not to their religion?

Answer 8

One of the most dangerous things for our souls is to hold a grudge. You can see it in our faces, the down-turned mouth, the marble-hard gaze, the bitterness that oozes from our very pores. How many times do I forgive?

seventy time seven times. (meaning infinite.)

Answer 9

hmm. idk. all I know is that christians forgive because they know that they were forgiven...and buddhists dont have that forgiveness, so maybe that's a part of it. but God is so great. :) He told us to forgive others not 7 times, but 7x70 times like He has forgiven us...or something along those lines...because forgiveness is very freeing, and basically for our own benefit. Forgiveness doesnt justify what the other person did, it frees the person that was wronged and allows them to live their life to the fullest. :)

Answer 10

Well, since forgiveness only comes through Christ it is kind of irrelevant whether they believe in it or not. If one hasn't entered into the new covenant with Christ and hasn't been forgiven himself, then how can he forgive others?