How can i find hope?

Question

For more than 2 yrs now i have been trying to get over my ex & broken heart.I feel like there is no hope at all.I feel like i will never be happy again & i will aways be alone.I can not even talk to another woman because it reminds me of her & how much i miss her.I would still do anything to get her back.There is not a momment that goes by where i do not think of her.Everyday it gets worse.I know love is a bad feeling to have.But i have love. Why cann't i get over her?Is it a bad thing to love a woman more than life? Everyone says see a doctor.Well i have no health insurance.I also know that drugs will not help me.Because i will still be alone & tourmented by my ex. So how can i find hope for happiness & be with a woman to love?I am a guy who has hate in my heart for god.So don't tell me that god can help me.God helps the evil people & hurts the good people like me.So again.How can i find hope without paying money to some heartless person who just cares about the money?

Answer 1

I know what you are going thru.

The world is an awfully big place. You need to buy a globe and use it to help you get your situation in the proper perspective.

On your new globe, simply put your finger on where you are. Realize that the woman that you are concerned with is just one tiny speck on the globe out of millions of others. Your finger is resting on a world full of wonderful and interesting, loveable people. It's time to reach out and get to know some of them.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't know exactly what happened, but two years seems a normal time of painful mourning. Just the fact that you are putting your pain out there to us shows me that you are ready to better your life.

It is not so much love you feel but a deep sense of loss. It is possible to miss a person much more than you loved them. My guess is that it did not end well and that there has been no sense of true closure for you- this is why you are still holding on to these feelings.

Despite what everyone says, what you are going through is perfectly normal, believe me. "In a world ever-changing, every season must end- love makes only one promise... it will find you again." (That is from a song.)

You are in a state where you think that people are heartless.
This is why you can't move on- your ex probably acted in a heartless way towards you and you DO NOT want to repeat that. You are reflecting the song, "Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk... because of you I stay on the safe side so I don't get hurt... because of you I am afraid...."
(Another song, I'm sorry...)

Your fear, hurt and anger are totally normal and justifiable.
To get out of this, you have already taken the first step- turning to others. I also had a really painful relationship breakup. I went to see a therapist who told me, "You know, there are other people who can fill that space." I went out thinking, "Ha, that's what YOU think." Well, know-it-all me was all wrong.

I needed to reshuffle a bit, so I got another job. Slowly I started to get out there, take night classes and met my wife there. We had both been married before and were scared as hell. She wasn't from my country.
But love took over, just as the therapist said.

Your heart is filled with misery, my friend. Unless you decide to get rid of that, no woman will be able to fill you with happiness. There is just no room for someone new. Slowly, if you let the misery out, better feelings will come in. This I guarantee.
Congratulations on choosing a happier path for yourself.

All the best
Antonio

P.S. There is a saying about love ... "The swallows always come back to Capistrano." This means that when you get out there and start enjoying your life again (and perhaps dating another woman) don't be surprised if your ex contacts you and "wants to meet for coffee," "catch up on old times," "have dinner," "meet for a drink," etc. Happens ALL the time. Relationship politics are just like that. But at that time, you will be in control.

Answer 3

I've been through this and it really does suck. The only thing that takes care of it is another love. Or time passing and you reconcile with her, which might take 20 years and both of you changing. Always remember the source of your feelings of love is yourself. If you felt this strongly for this woman you will feel it strongly for another. My advice is seriously and I mean seriously start looking for another. I always thought the E-harmony thing looked pretty cool (I'm married so never used it). As for being mad at God, hey you've got lots of company, that was the whole purpose for the authorship of the book of Job. If your mad now at least have the common courtesy to thank him when you fall in love again and feel healed. you can actually ask him to help. I was so down during one period in my life and I was so lonely. The girl I loved had just married another guy who I couldn't compete with ( I was young and poor and he was like 5 years older and had a house etc.) At their engagement party he announced that if he hadn't come along , she had confided to him that she would have probably married me and that I was a great friend blah blah, you could have torn my heart out my chest and It would have hurt less. I prayed to God just to send me someone , she didn't have to be pretty or rich or anything, just nice, I was just so lonely. Two months later I met my wife of 22 years.

Answer 4

AWW! Let's continue to feel sorry for ourselves and maybe things will get better. YEAH RIGHT, get your head out of your butt. Are you a man or a whiney little B@#ch? About this issue with God, God doesn't help evil people. Who are you to tell me what not to tell you? Aren't you the one asking for advice? Anyway, to get over a girl just simply look around for other girls.

Answer 5

Perhaps you can find hope the way I did.

I attended a sales seminar in which the person speaking was "the girl in the picture" which is the title she used to let people know what she had gone though. I included a website that has some information about her book.

There was a front page picture of a young girl running from burning napalm that had been used in a bombing in Vietnam. Everyone knew of that picture and couldn't believe that she could be alive and taling to us.

Her entire body had been burned except for her hands, face, and feet. After she recovered from her burns, the communists held her captive to use her for propaganda against the US. But she had been cared for by people in a Christian orphanage and she learned about the love of Jesus for her and the strength he could give to her as she accepted him as her savior.

She eventually escaped from the communists and now lives in Canada and speaks about her overcoming great hardships and finding meaning in life in Jesus.

Her emphasis is on looking beyond our circumstances and understanding that a loving God has a way of turning anything to our good as we trust in him. It makes no difference what we have done or what others have done to us. He accepts us, forgives us, and will send his spirit to us to help us deal with life's difficulties.

Losing a girlfriend is very hard. I found it helpful to think of ways I could use my experience to help other people who also have had the same kind of problems as I have gone through. My experience added credibility to my friendship with them and they knew I didn't think they had something wrong with them, but that bad things happen to everyone.

In psychology there are many studies of people with personal problems and how they can be overcome. Christian counselors can help in both the psychological area as well as the personal faith area.

In the Bible it says that hope is the evidence of things not seen. In other words, people who have hope depend on their faith, not specific people or things.

There is nothing wrong with you. You have much to offer to others, and with this experience, even more to offer to those who also struggle with a similar loss.

Answer 6

I have been there myself and have come out the other side finally,to some sensitive people this experience is akin to bereavement and as such can take quite awhile to heal,but heal it will, meanwhile try to think on the time that you are wasting which you can never get back again,it is just not worth it.

Answer 7

Well, I can definitely see that you are extremely hurt. Have you tried to talk to her? Go out some nights and have dinner. Go out with family? Try to figure out why she broke up with you or w.e happened. Maybe you can try and improve in those spots and try again. If you are sure it won't work out, get back out there and try flirting. But that's easy to say. Now that you are hurt, you get mad easily. Before you go out and try to have fun, write down your feelings so you won't get mad easily at anyone. Try and make your self happy by doing what makes you happy. If your gonna say that nothing makes you happy, well your gonna have to rethink that.

Answer 8

well your right and i glad you didnt run to the drugs, and well you should try start dateing orther girls it might be hard but you never know if the first one was not ur soul mate im sure its out there and it will come butyou need to help urself a little.

Answer 9

OK its time for some tough love: Now get your head out of your A#@ and find some ba!!s,this sh!# is crazy. You don't need a Dr. you need a kick in the a##. Now you see , our talk didn't cost you a thing. Your welcome

Answer 10

Realize that you can attain hope only after you have dropped all the hopelessness! When you focus on what is missing you will receive more of what is missing!